He turned to her with cold eyes. “You’re free to go anytime you please.”
Wendy thought of what the look on her parents’ faces would be if she returned without one of her brothers. “John, don’t be ridiculous. I could never leave without you or Michael.”
John scoffed. “Why do you care now what I do? Why do you care if I stay or not? You never cared about me before, never wanted me to have anything good.”
Wendy reeled. “What are you talking about?”
“You told Peter that I was too young and too inexperienced to lead the raid. You betrayed me to him. You could have lost everything for me.” He shook his head. “I will never forget it.”
Wendy didn’t know what to say. John looked so deeply hurt. Could he have truly been so wounded by her words? What had gotten into him? “John? That was nothing! It was nothing. It didn’t mean anything. I didn’t want you to get hurt! I said it because I care about you. You’re my brother; of course I want you to be safe. That’s what family does. Don’t you see? Our parents need us; our place is in London with them, in our home. What if we have broken their hearts, John? What if they are waiting by the nursery window, clutching each other? You can’t live here forever, just being a wild boy and killing pirates.”
John whirled on her, his face crumpled and cold. “Why not?” Wendy didn’t know what to say and stared at her brother in bewilderment. “Wendy, the truth is, you need our parents because you’re the good girl. You always do the right thing; always the center of attention. Even here, in this place that is everything I’ve ever dreamed of, you have somehow made it about you, you and Peter. We should be fighting pirates and planning battles to win this war, and you’re in the corner, with your stupid bows and dresses, and all Peter can focus on is you—you, Wendy! You’ve thrown off the balance of this world, all because you’re pretty!” His lips curled up in a mean sneer. “But prettiness fades. Adventure is forever. Glory is eternal.”
Wendy threw up her hands. “Listen to yourself! What are you saying? What are you even talking about? John, this world isn’t real!”
“You’re wrong. The life I have here is much better than any life I was living back in London. I can’t understand why you would want to go back.”
“You don’t understand because you don’t remember our London life. You choose not to remember. I don’t know how it works, but something about this place puts a veil over your memories, John. You aren’t yourself here!”
He looked away from her, his eyes steely and hard. “I’m more myself here than I have ever been. See, I remember some things. I may not remember our so-called parents, but I remember how I felt there: bitter, quiet, jealous, invisible. If you truly love me, you would never ask me to choose a boring life over being here, being alive. What is so great in London that it would be worth leaving this for?” He raised his hands above him, as if to sweep in all of Pan Island.
Wendy grabbed his hand and shook him. “John! Do you not understand what Neverland does to you? The enchantment of it . . . yes, it’s beautiful and perfect here, but it’s also violent and dark. You didn’t see what I saw at the Vault. You didn’t see the death that is waiting for you. The pirates aren’t imaginary, John! They are grown men, and they have real swords and real pistols, and they hate Lost Boys, especially Generals. And you aren’t a General, John! You are John Darling, the child of George and Mary Darling, my brother! You love the stars, and you love reading twisted stories of the North! You aren’t even whole here! You don’t know who you are without your memories. John, please, our parents are waiting for us!”
She was getting desperate, her voice rising over the crash of the pale green sea below. She fell to her knees, throwing aside her righteous anger and any shred of pride to reason with him. She clutched at his hands. “Please, John, I’m begging you! Please listen to me! Michael can’t grow up without parents!”
John shook her off in disgust. “Michael has parents. Peter can be his father. You can be his mother. His family is here, with the Lost Boys.” John yanked her to her feet and pulled her close, whispering in her face. “Does Peter know that you want to leave? He can’t know. You can’t leave Peter—he’ll be angry. Even if Michael and I stay here.”
Wendy jerked back from him. “I will not leave without you both. John, I watched Kitoko die! Do you not see that there is no one older than Abbott here? That’s because Lost Boys, particularly Generals, die!”
John gave snort. “Wendy, you are such a woman with your hysterical dramatics. It’s just a game.”