“Oww Josh,” I tense.
“Sh, sh, baby. Relax.” He kisses me deeply as he uses three fingers to gently probe and stretch my tight opening. It gives me a pleasurable burn. “Oh god, you’re so ready for my cock.” His crude words push me over the edge. “Do you have any idea how much I fucking adore you?” he whispers into my ear, and I bring my hand down to feel him. His hard shaft is oozing pre – ejaculate. I give him a long stroke and then swipe my thumb over the slippery engorged head. Feeling every vein on his thick length that I now know from memory. “Don’t baby,” he pulls away. “I don’t want to come,” he whispers. I sit up on my knees to take him in my mouth. The temptation too great, I need to taste him. “Stop…now.” He pulls me off him and pushes me down. He moves his weight onto his elbows as he positions himself over me. Slowly sliding the side of his shaft backwards and forwards through my swollen wet lips. The intimate kissing continues. “We were meant for each other, you know that don’t you?” I nod and smile. I do know this, without a doubt in my mind. He nudges the opening of my sex with his large length. His breath quivers and I know he’s trying to hold himself back so he doesn’t hurt me. He goes in a little way. Ahh, I tense. “Its ok… it’s ok,” he whispers. He kisses me again and I relax. “That’s it baby, you’re doing great.” His voice is strained but just the sound of it calms me. Shit this hurts! He pushes again and I tense, oh fuck this really hurts. “Take me,” he whispers. “Relax baby and take my body, it’s here for you, I’m here for you.” I slowly start to relax as he pauses to allow my body to adjust to the hard intrusion while running his open mouth up and down my neck. Our mingled breathing sounds like we are running a marathon. I can hear the quiver in his breath as he inhales. God, this is just so unexpectedly intimate. I can’t control my feelings any longer. I blink quickly to try and stop it. But it’s too late, a tear escapes onto my cheek. “Baby no,” he whispers, mortified that he’s hurting me. It’s not the physical pain that I’m unable to cope with, but the emotion I feel for this man. The love I have for him. It’s overwhelming, it’s too much. He whispers again, “Take me, beautiful girl,” and kisses my ear. Wanting desperately to please him I force my legs to open further and he thrusts deep with one lunge. He’s entirely in. Oh shit, he’s big. “I’m sorry, precious,” he whispers. “Sshh, sshh, it’s ok, it’s ok, I’m in.” I hold my breath, unable to speak, shocked to my core. This really fucking hurts—what the hell! “You feel amazing,” he whispers as he stares into my glassy eyes. He stays still, deep inside me, allowing my body to adjust to his brutal length. Kissing me gently, he swipes his tongue through my lips and I feel my arousal slowly rise back up. He leans up onto his elbow to look at me and gently wipes my hair off my face. “Do you have any idea what you mean to me?” he whispers into my ear. I gradually relax. Slowly he withdraws and gently slides into me again. I breathe out, overcome with emotion and unable to hide it any longer.
“Josh,” I whisper. His eyes are closed, he’s breathing heavily.
“Yes, baby,” he answers, his lips against my cheek.
“I love you,” I whisper. His eyes fly wide open.
“Been a big week hey?” My eyes fly up nervously to Simon in my office doorway. I nod and quickly rearrange the papers on my desk. I try to rein in my now pounding heart, guilt written all over my face. Bloody hell. I need to stop thinking about this shit when I’m at work.
“It has been a big week, Simon. I’m tired. Do you still want to go for that drink?”
He frowns and shakes his head. “Don’t try to weasel out of it. We do this every Friday.”
I give him a resigned smile. “We do. Give me a minute to freshen up, will you?
He smiles. “Sure, meet you out front.”
I wander over to the large arched window overlooking the park. It’s just on dusk. Large magnolia trees surround the manicured lawn, which has four stone benches in the centre. An old man is reading the paper on one of them. It’s a beautiful haven in the middle of a city. I’m lucky to have this view from my office. I blow out a breath as I take out my ponytail and redo it. What are you doing now Joshua? Who are you with? Why do I remember him in technicolour but live my life in black and white? I drag myself up and change my clothes. I feel like going out like a hole in the head. Why do I constantly agree to do things I don’t want to do?