I see.
I see the netting behind me, covered in algae, but I can’t see much farther because it’s nearly dark. I see Dom in the wetsuit rising up from the bottom with another tank, and I watch as Cameron switches it out. Cameron illuminates his watch and presses himself against the netting as beams of light pass across the surface of the water.
We wait.
Dom has another set of equipment in his hands that must be for Casey. Beside me, Cameron leans forward, as if he’s waiting to see her swim out of the darkness. I understand. Cameron and Casey were supposed to meet up with us here, but I have screwed that up.
We breathe underwater for a long time. Long enough for us to hear the motor of a boat ripping overhead. Long enough for me to stop worrying about Casey and instead worry about running out of air.
Dom disappears into the darkness below us again, comes back with another set of tanks, and my fingers grasp ineffectively at the straps. I am a prune. I am a bleeding, blind prune, and I start breathing too fast, unable to control the panic. Because I am sure I will either become prey to something that has caught the scent of my blood, or else I will surely suffocate under here, in the darkness—and they will pull up my body a few days from now, and they’ll test all the newly born, and they’ll put my soul in a cage again.
And then just like that, Cameron touches my shoulder and points up. Dom is near the surface, waving at us. I claw at the steel, pulling myself up out of the water. It’s as dark on the surface as it was underneath. This must be what we were waiting for.
Darkness.
I burst through the surface and spit out the mouthpiece, sucking in real, salty air. Waves, water, move around me, and I feel exposed, despite the darkness. My fingers tighten around the steel, digging through the algae. Cameron is still close, but he has his own equipment now. I wonder if he forgot that he doesn’t need to rely on me anymore.
There are lights in the distance, from the island. And there are lights through the steel netting, from boats on the other side. And in the distance, far away, I see land. There is no way we will make it with this canister. I realize that, having gone through two already. There is no way we will make it without being seen.
I wonder if this is a suicide mission.
I wonder what will happen to my soul.
The others have removed their mouthpieces as well, speaking in quick, low voices to each other.
“What’s the plan?” I ask, as the current pushes my body into the steel.
“We climb. And then we swim,” Cameron says.
I look, wide-eyed, at Cameron.
“There was a robotic sub,” he whispers quickly, “that we left just outside the cage, on the other side. Casey put your tracker on it.” He nods, as if he’s convincing himself she made it. “They’re not looking over here.”
I want to believe him, but the beam from a boat cuts across the surface, and we all dive underneath for a moment. When I resurface, I expect them to make a new plan.
“Climb,” Dom says.
I have come this far. They have come this far with me. My muscles twitch in anticipation, because this is something I can do. And so I climb.
This I do faster than either of them. I make it to the top and hook my legs over the other side, flattening myself against the netting, and see nothing but dark water, waiting to swallow me up.
The boats cast their beams of light across the surface in a steady pattern. If light hits us, we are found. We need to get back into the water. Back under the water. I count the seconds in my head. The light moves in a steady, obvious pattern. Automated and predictable, but still, they need to move faster.
The rope on my ankle tugs as I slip down the other side. The ocean is dark, except for the beams of light cutting across in the distance, heading this way. I wait for Dom and Cameron to come over, but they’re arguing as they climb.
“I need to wait,” Cameron says, watching the water.
“There’s not enough air,” Dom says. His voice cuts down to my stomach, or maybe that’s just the seawater. He’s holding something that looks like a walkie-talkie with a screen in one hand and his breathing device in the other. “Not for you to wait without being seen.” He points to the beams of light, stretching across the surface of the water periodically. “Not enough for both of you.” Cameron nods, like of course he knew that. Of course he does.
He slips down the rest of the steel, not worried about drowning when he hits the water again. He comes back up beside me.
He looks like he’s about to throw up.
He looks like he’s about to break down.
“She’ll make it,” I say. He didn’t see the way she grabbed my arm and ran with single-minded focus. Or the way she did my hair, or switched our clothes. She’s going to make it.
“Of course she’ll make it,” he says. And then he readjusts his mask, grabs on to a slack of the rope, and disappears under the surface again.
For a second I wonder whether I’m expected to know how to swim now. Or whether I’ll be dragged by the rope. I see a beam of light coming, and I dip under the surface.
Swimming feels like it should be easy. I push off from the cage, and I move my arms like I felt Cameron doing, and I kick my legs like he did, but mostly I’m just moving water around. And sinking.
Then I feel his hand on my arm as he pulls me toward him, as he hooks my arm around his shoulder, and we start moving.
We keep a slow pace—I don’t know how we know where we’re going, or how we’re going to get there with the air we have, but I don’t have any more options. Eventually Cameron stops, grasping a rope that’s tethered to a buoy, still under the water. I grip on to the rope as both of them follow it down, disappearing from my vision. I close my eyes. I am alone in the ocean, underwater. I count to ten, and I imagine shadows, shapes, circling me. Thirty seconds, and the water grows colder. Forty-nine … I jump when someone grabs my hand, pushing fresh equipment toward me. I open my eyes and the shadows disappear. Cameron holds his thumb up and keeps it that way, like he’s asking me. I do the same, mirroring his movement, and he nods.
READY? YES.
We switch out our tanks, leaving one behind for Casey, and we start moving again.
I realize that’s what Dom has in his hand. A GPS, leading us on a marked trail that they had set up previously. Like a path with lights along the way. We stop at two more points, swim some more, but by this point I am numb past the point of shaking. I no long worry about being found. Being captured. I no longer worry about if we will … if we will … I breathe through the mouthpiece, and the endless ocean falls away.
Duérmete, mi ni?a, duérmete, mi amor …
The water shifts. It moves us. It pushes at us more and then pulls, in a rhythm. I open my eyes to darkness just as we are thrust against it. A darkness that is real and solid.
A wall.
I push off Cameron’s back. I am at the end of something. Or the start of something. An edge. I start clawing my nails at it, and one breaks off on the brick as I slide farther down. My eyes burn, even through the mask, as if I’m staring at the sun and trying not to blink.
Someone pulls at my arm—I can’t feel it, only the pressure—and leads me toward a metal pipe. He pushes me inside first. It’s still full of water, and it’s pitch black, but it doesn’t matter that I can’t swim now—there’s barely enough room for me. My hands and feet push at the narrow, curved sides, propelling me along the steady incline.