She put her hand on his arm then, squeezed it before releasing. “Don’t hate Jake. Please don’t hate him. If there’s one thing I wish you wouldn’t do—it’s hate Jake. He was sick over the loss of your friendship. Sat up late at night trying to figure out ways to win you back and still keep me. Forgive yourself for not making up with him before he died. Don’t use Maizy as your way to make everything right with Jake. Because you can’t. You shouldn’t.”
Jax swallowed hard. He’d seen all sorts of red when he’d found out about Reece and Jake sleeping together. He’d walked away, and he’d never looked back.
And when Jake’s team of lawyers had contacted him about Maizy, when he’d seen her for the first time, realized that his former best friend since eighth grade had left in his care the most precious thing he had, Jax swore nothing, no one would ever take away his chance to make things right. “How could you not want to meet her?”
The shrug of her slender shoulders made him angrier. It was dismissive. As though this life she’d created with Jake was something she’d picked up at the grocery store on her way home from work. “I don’t know how to explain it, Jax. I don’t want to try to justify it to you. I just know that all through my pregnancy, all while Jake planned and prepared, bought books, signed us up for Lamaze classes, I kept waiting to feel attached. I kept waiting for that magical moment when I’d fall in love with this thing growing in my belly. Waiting to feel something other than ugly and bloated. I wanted to. I tried to. I prayed for it. I wanted to be as excited as Jake. I wanted to want to paint a room for her, buy blankets and strollers and cribs.”
He was offended—offended that this amazing kid she and Jake had created stirred nothing in her. So he kept his mouth shut. For the moment, she didn’t want to see Maizy. He wanted to keep it that way. Never, ever would he allow Maizy to know her mother felt like this about her.
“That pisses you off, doesn’t it? That after everything that happened between you and me and Jake, I couldn’t love Maizy. The least I could do for all the trouble I caused is love my own flesh and blood.”
“You’re goddamn right it pisses me off.”
“That’s good. It should piss you off. You know why it pisses you off?”
“Because you’re heartless and Maizy is amazing?”
“No. Because you’re her father, Jax. You love her because, aside from biology, Jake was your brother. In your mind, she’s as much your flesh and blood as Jake was. Only someone who loves Maizy as much as you do would hate me for not loving her the way you do. That’s why I’m here. To tell you she’s all yours. That I wouldn’t dream of taking her from you, and I’ve signed papers to that effect—because you can give her the kind of love I’ll never be capable of. I don’t want to lay any claims to her. I don’t want visitation or weekends or anything. I just want you to stop worrying I’ll crop up someday and try to take her from you. Because I won’t.”
He should walk away right now, let her go while she was handing off her kid like a football pass, but he had to know. “Why? Why now, Reece?”
“Because my life fell apart, Jax. It didn’t fall apart when it should have. It didn’t fall apart when society dictates it should have fallen apart, but when it fell, it fell hard. And there was no one there to fix it but me. So, that’s what I’m doing. I’m fixing it. I’m fixing all the things I should’ve fixed a long time ago, and I’m letting go of the guilt for not feeling guilty about leaving Maizy with Jake. For instinctively knowing I never wanted children, and letting Jake and his brand of charm talk me into it anyway.”
“Is this some kind of weird redemption?” He’d seen a lot of that lately—in all forms.
Reece rolled her shoulders. “Just an admission. I’m admitting the truth I ran away from six years ago. I would have been a crappy mother, Jax. Maizy deserved so much more. At least I wasn’t too selfish to recognize that—even if Jake wouldn’t. Isn’t it better to admit to it than to have let her suffer my inadequacies?”
“So when Maizy asks about you, and she has, what do I say?”
Reece’s eyes met his, but this time they weren’t dull and lifeless. They held a raw honesty he couldn’t say he’d ever seen from her. “Tell her I left to make room for the woman who was better at this than I’ll ever be. Tell her sometimes, when the parent picking happens, every now and then, the stork makes a huge mistake. Tell her I left so the right mother, the one who knows all of the important lessons it takes to be a good person, could step in and teach her.”
Emmaline.
Jax didn’t have to say her name. Reece already knew. “She’s so good with Maizy, Jax. With her boys, too. I hope you’ll let them get to know one another. I hope you won’t let what happened with me and Jake keep you from loving someone who’ll love you back just as hard.”