“Or I’ll kill Louella.”
Em chuckled—the uncomfortable moment where present met past over. She hugged Dixie. “No killin’. It makes for messy cleanup, and you know how I hate to work a shovel.”
Dixie sipped her coffee, aimlessly flipping the pages of a stray magazine. “So, on today’s agenda—have sex with Jax in front of an entire office?”
Em sank into the bar stool, her legs shaky, but she gave good face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, I know you don’t. Know what else I know?”
Em gave her a guarded glance. “What else do you know?”
“I know that Sanjeev cleaned Jax’s office this morning and he sent me a text.”
“So?”
“So, Sanjeev said there’s a three for twenty-five sale going on at Victoria’s Secret. He saw it in their catalog. He asked me to pass that on to you.”
“Why would he say somethin’ like that?” she squeaked. Yes. That was definitely the squeak of the guilty.
“He thought you’d be interested in replacing the underwear you left in Jax’s office yesterday.”
She’d forgotten to scoop up her underwear after Jax had torn them off. A flush of red landed on her cheeks. She wasn’t sure if it was because she’d been caught or because the memory was so hot. Mortification washed over her. She was so bad at this. “Dixie—”
Dixie batted an eye at her. “No. Don’t deny it. It’ll just make you look guiltier. Don’t say anything. You seem to want to keep this all to yourself, and that’s fine by me. Sometimes you don’t want to share, even with your person. I understand. But let me just say this and then I’ll leave it alone for as long as you want me to keep my nose out of it. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“I know you don’t want anyone to know what’s going on with you and Jax. I know you’re afraid to add another element to the boys’ lives for the worry you’ll upset their tender hearts. I also know you don’t want to drag Jax into your life because you think he and Maizy will suffer the tongues waggin’ if he does. That’s just who you are, Em. Always putting someone else before you.”
Em shook her head, but Dixie put a finger to her lips. “Hush. Let me finish. If you’re doin’ what I think you’re doin’, which is doin’ the do with no regrets and no strings, don’t do it because you think it’s the only way you can do it.”
Her throat was dry, her tongue thick. “What exactly are you saying?”
“I’m saying you don’t have to be someone’s fling because you don’t think you’re good enough for anything more. You don’t have to be Jax’s fling because you think he wouldn’t want a woman like you for a serious relationship. You are good enough, Em, and I don’t want to see you hurt by the notion you can just walk away from this and remember it fondly somewhere down the road.”
Here it came. Because she wasn’t the type of woman who could love ’em and leave ’em. It made her sound clingy and obsessive, and she hated that. “Because I’m not that kind of girl.”
“Hey. Don’t you get defensive with me, Ms. Amos. You’re not that kind of girl. You’re just not, honey. You can kid yourself into believing you are, you can want to be, but you’re not. There’s nothin’ wrong with those kinds of girls, Em. Make no mistake about what I’m saying. It’s healthy and perfectly acceptable to enjoy the company of a man and not want to wash his underwear the next day. But I want you to really think about why you’ve ventured into this territory with Jax and not some stranger you don’t have to see every day.”
Em shrugged, her chin lifting. “Maybe I don’t want to think about it. Maybe he’s just amazing to look at and that’s all I need for right now.” Maybe he’s also amazing in bed. Maybe he’s an amazing father. Maybe Dixie was right and she was too chicken to hope for more with Jax because she really didn’t think she was good enough. She didn’t want to hear him say she wasn’t good enough. And the best way to do that was avoid it altogether.
“Good. You go on and be defiant. Be angry with me for speakin’ my mind. Be whatever. Just don’t be hurt. I can’t bear to see you hurt.” Dixie dug her keys out of her jacket pocket and gave her a return defiant gaze.
Em broke first, latching on to her friend’s arm, because she was solid, and she made sense right now and she had to find a way to make light of this so Dixie wouldn’t harp on the fact that she could end up hurt. “Something very unsettling is happening to me, Dixie. One minute I recognize the skin I’m wearing, the next I’m outside myself, looking at a total stranger.”
Tense moment diverted. “The evolution of an independent woman. It’s invigorating to watch. Maybe not as invigorating to be the subject of.”
“I will not evolve if it means Sanjeev finds my underwear in one of the offices at work.”