His smile disappeared as he closed his book and tossed it on the bed next to him. "What happened?"
"I went to the doctor this morning…"
He sat up, a concerned look on his face. "Is everything okay with the baby?"
I uncrossed my legs and brought them up to my chest, resting my chin on my knees. "Everything is fine… with the ba-bies."
Ethan's eyes widened. "Babies?"
I nodded. Twins?
"Yes. Twins. Identical twin boys."
Ethan stared at me for a few seconds. "Are you kidding?"
"Do I look amused?"
The corners of his mouth twitched, as if he were trying not to laugh.
"It's not funny, Ethan… And please don't tell me that I deserve this either. Because, believe me, I've already considered that I'm being punished. Maybe I was engaging in some frivolous behavior in Manhattan. Maybe shopping too much," I said. "Or railing on someone's appearance. Or having sex with Marcus behind Dexter's back… And God frowned down upon me and wbazzam split my embryo… giving me identical twin boys." I started to cry. It was really sinking in. Twins. Twins. Twins.
"Darcy. Chill, hon. I wasn't going to say anything like that."
"Then why are you smiling?"
"I'm smiling because… I'm happy."
"Happy that I'm getting screwed?"
"No, Darce. I'm happy for you. If one baby is a blessing, then you have twice the good fortune. Two babies! It's a small miracle. Not a punishment." His words were convincing, his tone and expression even more so.
"Do you think?"
"I know… It's wonderful."
"But how will I do it?"
"You just will."
"I don't know if I can."
"Of course you can… Now. Why don't you go take a hot shower, put on warm pajamas, and I'll make you some dinner."
"Thanks, Ethan," I said, feeling soothed even before I got out of my damp clothes. Ethan's nurturing quality was one of the things I liked most about him. He had this in common with Rachel. I thought of how Rachel used to bring pistachios over to my house whenever I needed some good cheering up. She knew pistachios were my favorite treat, but the best part was how she always assumed the role of the nut cracker, handing me filet after filet. I remember thinking they were that much tastier without the interruption and aggravation of peeling.
Ethan's offer to make me dinner reminded me of those pistachio days.
"Just get in the shower and start thinking of boy names. Wayne and Dwayne might be just the ticket. What do you say?"
I giggled. "Wayne and Dwayne Rhone… I like it."
Later that night, after Ethan and I had eaten his homemade beef stew for dinner and spent much time admiring my boys' sweet, matching profiles in their ultrasound photos, we went to bed.
"How come you never spend the night with Sondrine?" I asked as I slid under the covers.
Ethan switched off the light, got in bed next to me, and said, "It's not that serious yet."
The yet gave me a small pang, but I just said, "Oh," and dropped the subject.
After a long silence, Ethan whispered, "Congratulations again, Darce. Twin boys. Awesome."
"Thank you, Ethan," I said, as I felt a kick from one of my little guys.
"Are you feeling a bit better about it?"
"A tiny bit maybe," I said. I wasn't yet thrilled with the news, but at least I no longer viewed it as a curse or a punishment. "Thank you for acting happy about it."
"I am happy about it."
I smiled to myself and slid my leg across the cool sheets, finding Ethan's chilly foot. "Love you, Ethan." I held my breath, worried that despite dropping the I'm I love you (which always makes the sentiment seem safe and platonic), I had still said too much. I didn't want to give him the impression that I wanted more than his friendship.
"Love you too, Darce," Ethan said, wiggling his toes against mine.
I smiled in the dark, letting go of my worries, and falling into a very deep and peaceful sleep.
* * *
twenty-four
The next morning I awoke in a fresh panic. How in the world was I ever going to manage twins? Would Ethan let us live with him? Would two cribs even fit in my tiny room? What if I couldn't find a job? I had less than two thousand dollars left in my account—barely enough to cover my hospital bills, let alone baby supplies, food, rent. I told myself to calm down, stay focused on my list, and take things one day at a time.