"If you say so," Ethan said skeptically.
"What is that supposed to mean? I have never, ever tried to steal one of Rachel's boyfriends."
He smiled an oblique, private smile. I knew what he was driving at: I had hooked up with Marcus even though Rachel was interested in him.
"Oh, give me a freaking break, Ethan. Marcus was not Rachel's boyfriend! They had kissed, like, one time. It was never going to go anywhere."
"I wasn't thinking of Marcus."
"So then what were you thinking of?"
"Well… I just think that you would do the same thing to Rachel if the circumstances presented themselves. If you had fallen in love with one of her boyfriends, nothing would have stopped you from going after him. Not Rachel's feelings, not the stigma of taking your best friend's man. Nothing."
"No," I said firmly. "That's not true."
Ethan continued. He was on a roll now, leaning forward on the couch, thrusting his index finger at me as he talked. "I think you have a long, long history of going after exactly what you want, Darcy. Whatever that is. Come hell or high water. Until now, Rachel has always played second fiddle to you. And you shamelessly let her do the whole lady-in-waiting routine. All through high school she was at your beck and call, letting you show off. You liked it that way. And now that it is all over, you can't handle it."
"That's just… not true!" I sputtered, feeling my face burn. "You're being so unfair!"
Ethan ignored me and kept going, now pacing in front of his faux fireplace. "You were the star of the show in high school. The star of the show in college. The star of the show in Manhattan. And Rachel let you shine. Now you can't step back and be happy for her."
"Be happy for her for stealing my fiance? You've got to be kidding me!"
"Darce—you did the same thing. It might be a different story if you were deeply in love with Dex, if you hadn't cheated on him also."
"But they did it first!"
"That is beside the point," he said.
"How can you say that?"
"Because. Because, Darcy, you never examine your own behavior. You just look to blame everyone else."
He then proceeded to bring up this ancient history from high school. Like why I had applied to Notre Dame when I knew that it was Rachel's dream to go there, and how crushed she was when I got in and she didn't.
"I didn't know she owned Notre Dame!"
"It was her dream. Not yours."
"So let me get this straight, she can go after my fiance, but I don't have the right to apply to a stupid college?"
He ignored my question and said, "While we're on this topic, Darcy, why don't you tell me one thing… Did you really get in there?"
"Did I get in where?" I asked.
"Were you or were you not accepted at Notre Dame University?"
"Yes. I was," I said, almost believing the lie I had told all of my friends so many years ago. Notre Dame had been Rachel's first choice, but I had applied, too, thinking how great it would be if we could be roommates. I remember getting that rejection letter, feeling like a failure. So I told a harmless fib to my friends, and then covered by saying that I was going to Indiana anyway.
He shook his head. "I don't believe you," he said. "You did not get into Notre Dame."
I started to sweat. How did he know? Had he seen my letter? Had he hacked into the Notre Dame admissions office's computer system?
"Why is my choice of colleges relevant here?"
"I'll tell you why it's relevant, Darcy. I'll tell you exactly why. You have always competed with Rachel. From way back in the day until now. Everything has always been a contest with you. And part of what's eating you up inside is that Dex picked Rachel. He picked her over you."
I tried to speak but he kept going, his words cruel, stark, and loud. "Dex wanted to be with her and not you. Never mind that you didn't want to be with him either. Never mind that you cheated on him too. Never mind that clearly you and he weren't at all right for each other and you both saved yourselves a divorce by calling it quits. You can only focus on one thing: the fact that Rachel somehow beat you. And it kills you, Darce. I'm telling you, as your friend, that you need to let it go and move on," he finished in his debate-team tone.
I shook my head. I told him that he was wrong. I told him that nobody, nobody in my position, could be happy for Rachel. I felt myself getting shrill, desperate to make him see things my way, just as I had tried to do with Marcus.
"It's like this, Ethan… even if they hadn't done a thing behind my back, even if this relationship had begun after we broke up, it would still be… just wrong. You just don't go there with a friend's ex. Period. How is it that men have trouble seeing that? It's a basic life principle."
"She loves him, Darce. That is a basic life principle."