"Are you serious?" I asked, thinking that I'd have to dry-clean everything if that was the case. "Can't you get a water softener?"
"Never looked into it. But you're welcome to undertake the project."
I sighed. "And I assume you don't have a hair dryer?"
"Good assumption," he said.
"Well. Guess I'll have to go with the natural look. We're not hanging out with other people today, are we? I want to look my best when you introduce me to your crowd."
Ethan busied himself with a stack of bills on his dining room table, his back to me. "I don't really have a crowd. Just a few friends. And I haven't planned anything."
"Phew. I want to make a good first impression. You know what they say—first impressions are last impressions!"
"Uh-huh."
"So I'll pick up a hair dryer at Harrods today," I said.
"I wouldn't go to Harrods for a hair dryer. There's a drugstore up on the corner. Boots."
"Boots! How sweet!"
"Just your standard drugstore."
"Well, I better go dress then."
"Okay," Ethan said without looking up.
After I had changed into my warmest sweater and my hair had dried somewhat, Ethan took me to lunch at a pub near his house. It was charming on the outside: a small, ancient-looking brick building covered with ivy. Copper pots filled with tiny red flowers framed the doorway. But like Ethan's flat, the inside was a different story. The place was dingy and reeked of smoke, and it was filled with undesirable workman types with grungy boots and even grungier fingernails. This observation was especially noteworthy because I had read a sign on the front door that said: CLEAN WORKING CLOTHES REQUIRED. I also noticed a small placard near the bar that read: PLEASE REPORT ANY SUSPICIOUS BAGS OR PACKAGES TO THE PROPRIETOR.
"What's up with that?" I asked Ethan, pointing to the sign.
"The IRA," Ethan said.
"The who?"
"Irish Republican Army?" Ethan said. "Ring a bell?"
"Oh, that," I said, vaguely recalling some incidents of terrorism in years past. "Sure."
As we sat down, Ethan suggested that I order fish and chips.
"I'm feeling sort of queasy. Either from being pregnant or from the trip. I think I need something more bland. A grilled cheese, perhaps?"
"You're in luck," he said. "They have great croque monsieurs."
"Croque misters?" I said. "What's that?"
"Fancy French name for ham and cheese."
"Sounds like a delight," I said, thinking that I should brush up on my high school French. It would come in handy when Alistair and I took our weekend jaunts to Paris.
Ethan ordered our food at the bar, which he said was standard practice at English pubs, while I perused a newspaper someone had left on our table. Victoria and David Beckham, or, as the Brits called them, "Posh and Becks," were plastered across the front page. I knew David Beckham was a big deal in England, but I just didn't get it. He wasn't that cute. Sunken cheeks, stringy hair. And I hated the earrings in both ears. I made my observations to Ethan, who pinched his lips, as if David were a personal friend of his.
"Have you ever seen him play soccer?" Ethan asked me.
"No. Who watches soccer?"
"The whole world watches soccer. It happens to be the biggest sport in every country but America."
"Well, as far as I'm concerned this David guy," I said, tapping his picture, "is no George Clooney. That's all I'm sayin'."
Ethan rolled his eyes just as an ill-kempt waitress brought our food to the table and handed us each a set of cutlery wrapped in a paper napkin. She briefly chatted with Ethan about his writing. Obviously he ate here often. I noticed that she had dreadful, crooked, yellow teeth. As she walked away, I couldn't refrain from commenting. "So it's true what they say about the dental work over here?"
Ethan salted his fish and chips and a pile of green mashed potatoes. "Kiley is really nice," he said.
"Didn't say she wasn't. Just said that her teeth are bad. Sheesh" I said, wondering if he was going to be so touchy about everything. "And what's with the green mashed potatoes?"
"They're peas. Mushy peas, they're called."
"Gross."
Ethan didn't respond. I took a tiny bite of my croque monsieur. As I chewed, I found myself bursting to say Rachel's name, get the full scoop from Ethan, find out everything he knew about her relationship with Dex. But I knew I had to tread carefully. If I launched into a tirade, Ethan would shut down. So after a few minutes of silent strategizing, I brought her up under the pretense of a shared high school memory, one that involved the three of us going to a Cubs game the summer after we graduated from high school. Then I cocked my head and said, very nonchalantly, "How is Rachel anyway?"
Ethan didn't take the bait. He looked up from his mushy peas and said, "She's fine."
"Just fine?"
"Darcy," he said, not fooled at all by my look of wide-eyed innocence. It was hard to pull one over on Ethan.
"What?" I asked.
"I'm not going to do this with you," he said.
"Do what?"
"Discuss Rachel."
"Why not? I don't get it," I said, dropping my sandwich onto the plate.
"Rachel is my friend."