She took another swallow, then coughed and sputtered, "Whoa! Excuse me! I think it went down the wrong pipe."
I waited for her to say something more, but she only stared back at me with a plastered smile, as if she were no longer quite sure who it was she was having a drink with. I guess I expected her to be surprised, but I wanted the giddy brand of surprised, not the freaked-out version. I reassured myself that I had just caught her off guard. She needed a minute to digest the news. In the meantime, I gave a short, noble speech about how I never once considered having an abortion or giving the baby up for adoption. In truth, I had given some consideration to both options in the past forty-eight hours, but something made me stay on track. I'd like to say it was strength of character and good morals, but it also had a lot to do with stubborn pride.
"Congratulations. That's fantastic news," Claire finally said, in the tinny, insincere voice of a game show host informing the losing contestant that they weren't going to walk away completely empty-handed, but rather with a gift certificate for Omaha Steaks. "I know you'll do a great job with this… And I will be here for you to help in any way I can."
I could tell she added the last sentence as an afterthought, its generality smacking of obligation rather than any earnest desire to be involved in my baby's life. Or even mine, for that matter.
"Thank you," I said, my mind spinning to analyze the moment. Was I being too critical of her? Too paranoid? What exactly did I want her to say? Ideally, she could ask to be the baby's godmother or offer to throw me a big shower. At the very least, I wanted her to mention moving in with me again, or say something about Josh, how we needed to act fast while my body was still spectacular. Claire only laughed nervously and said, "This is all so… so exciting."
"Yes," I said defensively. "It really is. And I see no reason why I can't still date."
"Of course you will date," she said, pumping one fist in the air. But no further mention of my Jewish Prince Charming.
"Do you think Josh will mind?" I asked.
More nervous laughter. "Mind that you're pregnant?"
"Yeah. Mind that I'm pregnant?"
"Well, I… I'm not sure… I don't know him that well."
It was perfectly clear that she was quite sure that Josh would mind very much indeed. About as much as she would mind living with me and a newborn. She downed the rest of her margarita, chattering about how excited the girls in our office would be. Could she tell them? Was it public knowledge yet?
I said no, not yet, I wasn't quite ready for the world to know.
"I understand. Mum's the word," Claire said, pinching her lips between thumb and index finger. She giggled. "No pun intended."
I insisted that I wasn't ashamed of my pregnancy. It wasn't that at all. I babbled about how I would maintain my sense of self, referencing Rachel on Friends and Miranda on Sex and the City. Both women had managed to keep their lives and looks intact while embracing single motherhood. I saw no reason why I couldn't do the same.
"Oh, I know," Claire said in a condescending tone. "There's no reason you can't do it all, have it all. Be a modern woman!"
As I studied her big, fake smile, the exact contours of our shallow friendship came into focus. Sure, Claire liked me, but she liked me because I was fun to go out with and because I was a guy magnet, even when I had worn my engagement ring from Dex. She liked me because I was an invaluable asset. With her pedigree and my looks and personality, we had been unstoppable. The glamorous PR duo everyone either knew or wanted to know.
But in the time it took to down a margarita, my stock had plummeted in her eyes. I had been transformed into nothing but a struggling single mother. I might as well have had curlers in my hair and a welfare check in my callused hand. I was of no use to her anymore.
As she finished her drink, she eyed mine. "Well? May I?" she asked.
"Go ahead," I said.
She took a few sips from my glass and then glanced at her watch. "Oh, shoot. Look at the time!"
"Did you have to be somewhere?" I asked. Usually it was impossible to shake Claire.
"Yes," she said. "I told Jocelyn I'd give her a call. She wants to go out tonight. Didn't I mention that?"
"No," I said. "You didn't mention that."
Claire smiled tightly and said, "Yeah. Dinner and a few drinks. Of course, you can come if you want. Even though you can't drink. We'd love your company."