In the following weeks, my relationship with Marcus disintegrated further. Even the sex—the cornerstone of our relationship—was starting to feel routine. I tried to tell myself that it was only the stress caused by the life changes hurtling our way: the apartment we had yet to look for, the wedding we had yet to plan, and our baby on the way.
When I asked Marcus why he thought we were fighting so much, he blamed it all on my "fixation" with Rachel and Dex. He said he had grown weary of my endless Q&A, that he didn't think it was healthy to spend so much time speculating over what they were doing, and that I should focus on my own life instead. I vowed to talk less about them, believing that in a matter of weeks, I would no longer care what they were doing. But a worry tugged at my heart that it wasn't that simple, that despite my efforts to make things work with Marcus, we were on the brink of a breakup.
What nagged at me even more than any relationship woes was the accompanying regret about the baby. I talked a big game, but deep down, I wasn't so sure I wanted a baby. Since I had been a teenager, my identity was about being thin and beautiful and fun and carefree. A baby threatened all of that. I didn't know who I was going to become. And I certainly didn't feel like anyone's mother.
My own mother called me every other hour in those transitional weeks, just to check on me, her voice filled with pity and worry. Being without a man was a fate worse than death to her, so I finally put her out of her misery and told her that I had a new boyfriend.
I was at Marcus's apartment, talking on his phone while he ate a slice of pizza. I was skipping dinner, as I had far surpassed my carb and fat allocation for the day.
When I told her the good news, she said, "That was fast," with not a hint of disapproval. Only pride that I was back on my horse. "What's his name?"
"Marcus," I said, hoping that she wouldn't remember that there had been a groomsman named Marcus. I wanted to ease her into that part of the story. Of course, I had no intention of breaking the baby news anytime soon.
"Is he black? Marcus sounds like a black name."
"No. He's white," I said.
"Does he go by Mark?"
"No. Just Marcus," I said, looking up at him and smiling.
"Marcus what?"
"Marcus Peter Lawson," I said proudly.
"I like the full name. A lot. I was never too keen on the name Dexter. Were you?"
"Not really," I said, even though I actually loved the name Dex. It had panache. But the name Marcus did too.
"What does he look like? Tell me all about him. How did you meet?"
"Well, Mother, how about you just meet him yourself? We're coming home this weekend. I got flights today."
Marcus's head jerked up to look at me. This was news to him. I hadn't quite gotten around to telling him about our travel plans.
"Fantastic news!" she shouted.
I heard my father ask in the background if I was getting back with Dex. My mother covered the phone, but I could still hear her say, "No, Hugh. Darcy has a new boyfriend."
Marcus frantically whispered something. I held up my hand and shushed him. He took an imaginary golf swing and mumbled that he had plans.
I shook my head and mouthed, "Cancel."
"Well, just give me a short prelude," my mom said. "What does he look like?"
"He's handsome," I said. "You'll love him. And as a matter of fact, he's here right now. So I better run."
"Oh! Let me say hello to him," she said.
"No, Mom. You'll meet him soon enough!"
"I can't wait," she said.
"You'll like him way more than Dex," I said, winking at Marcus. "I know you will."
"Dex?" My mother giggled. "Dex who?"
I smiled as I hung up the phone.
"What's the big idea?" Marcus demanded.
"I forgot to tell you," I said breezily. "I booked us flights to Indy."
He threw his slice of pizza back into the greasy box and said, "I'm not goin' to Indy this weekend."
"I asked you if you had plans. Remember? You said you didn't."
"You asked about Friday or Saturday nights. I'm golfing Saturday afternoon."
"With whom? Dex?"
Marcus rolled his eyes. "I have other friends in this town, ya know."
Very few, I thought. Another problem in our relationship. When I was with Dex, we traveled in a pack, a big group of friends. But Marcus and I spent all of our time alone, most of it holed up in his apartment. I knew I needed to stage our coming-out party, but I wasn't quite ready for my discerning crowd to sit in judgment of my new boyfriend. And in any event, I needed to buy him some new clothes first.
Marcus continued, "Darcy, you just can't book a trip like that without telling me. That's not cool."
"C'mon, Marcus. This is really important. Just play ball on this one," I said, using one of his many sports expressions.
He shook his head.
I smiled and said in my sweetest voice, "You need to meet your in-laws. We need to get this show on the road."