Kevin said something in Mama’s ear. She nodded and gave him a sad smile. He kissed her cheek and then came toward Aubrey.
“Hey,” he said. He was still pale, but his eyes were no longer bloodshot. “This sucks for mom.”
“Yeah,” she said. “It does.”
“I never understood her before this happened.” He glanced back at their mother, who was talking to the Simmers.
“What do you mean?”
“I thought her coldness had to do with me. With something I had done to displease her. I didn’t get that she was so angry at herself that she had a tough time showing love.”
A ray of sunlight pushed between the leaves of the banyan tree. Aubrey had finally gotten it, too. All the years of trying to understand who she was, but it had taken the trauma of almost losing Ethan for Aubrey to finally appreciate her family’s dynamics. Kevin had reacted to Mama’s aloofness by pulling away, while Aubrey had become Mama’s protector, sensing a wounded person who needed her support.
“Have you forgiven her?” she asked.
He nodded. “Now I’m trying to forgive myself.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been living a lie,” he said. “I was angry with everyone around me, when it was me I was pissed off at.” He met her eyes. They were the same dark-chocolate color as her own. “I’m sorry if I turned my own feelings of inadequacy against you.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. You’ll always be my big brother.”
“I know that, but I’m still working on fixing myself.” He gave her a crooked grin. “I told Kim I’m quitting my job at BBM.”
“What? You are?” This was a surprise. “What did Kim say?”
“To do what’ll make me happy.”
“Well, good. I’m glad she’s being supportive.”
Prudence and Ernest were each giving Mama a hug. It seemed Kim’s parents no longer blamed her for Ethan’s kidnapping. Well, they were bigger people than Aubrey had always assumed.
“Do you know what you want to do?” she asked.
“Not really.” Kevin frowned. “I need to be happy with myself so I can be there for my family.” He gave her a little smile. “And you’re my family, too, kid. I’ll never forget that again.”
Her throat closed, making her unable to speak, unable to tell him how much his words meant to her.
Kevin glanced over at the Simmers, who were walking across the grass toward their limo. “Time to go.” He hugged her but didn’t release his grip. When he finally pulled away, his eyes were wet. “Thanks again for saving my little guy,” he said, then hurried after his in-laws.
A breeze unsettled the tree, and a few leaves floated down. Kevin was back. She had her brother back.
She sensed someone standing near her and turned. Tom Smolleck. She hadn’t expected to see him, but here he was, looking unflappable, once again, in his dark suit and white shirt.
“Nice service,” he said.
“I didn’t realize you were here. Thank you for coming.”
“I wanted to say good-bye.” He rubbed his eyebrow. “When are you heading up to Rhode Island?”
“In a couple of days. I have to get back to my classes, but I want to be sure everyone is okay before I leave.”
“I heard your dad will be in rehab for a while.”
“That’s right,” she said. “He’s going to have to work very hard if he wants to walk again.”
“Sounds like it’s in his hands.”
“Yes. I suppose it is.” The sails on the sailboat were coming down. She wondered whether the boat was going to moor at Scotty’s where she and Smolleck had had lunch. It wasn’t far from here.
She wondered whether she would ever see him again.
“A few days ago you talked about living in a glass bubble,” she said.
He nodded.
“The thing about bubbles is they inevitably burst,” she said.
There was a sadness in his gray eyes. “I’m sorry about all you’ve been through,” he said. “But sometimes leaving your sheltered world behind can free you to do other things.”
She couldn’t help but smile. There was an optimist hiding inside that dark suit.
He took her hand and held it. “If there’s anything I can ever do for you, you’ll call me, right?”
The heat of his hand warmed hers. “Yes,” she said. “I will.”
He met her eyes and hesitated. Either one of them could have leaned in a tiny bit, but the moment passed.
He released her hand. “Take care of yourself.”
“You, too.”
She watched him leave the park, shoulders stiff, head up. The perfect clothes, the rigid, formal way he moved and talked—it was his way of coping with impossible, heartbreaking situations. It was his armor.
And she realized, with her glass bubble gone, so was her own armor. No protective glass.
Just herself.
The thought was terrifying.
CHAPTER 57
She was choking, smoke stinging her nose and eyes. She had to find Ethan. She had to save Mama.
Aubrey woke with a start, her heart pounding. She blinked as the blurs around her came into focus. Grayish-blue wallpaper. White bedspread. Pillow crushed in her arms.
It had been a dream. Just another dream.
She sniffed the air. Smoke.
That was no dream.
She jumped out of bed and hurried into the hallway. The smell of something burning was stronger here. Like the time she and Kevin had made a fire in their parents’ fireplace. The smoky smell had lingered in the upstairs bedrooms and hallway for weeks.
The door to her mother’s bedroom was ajar. Aubrey went inside. The bed was made—all the throw pillows in place—but Mama wasn’t there.
A thin haze floated around her, glowing in the morning light that spilled in from behind the curtains. Had her mother built a fire?
Aubrey knelt down on the cold stone slab in front of the fireplace. A couple of embers smoldered, and thin pieces of charred paper drifted like bats in the draft. She pushed through the ashes with the poker.
Several fragments of yellowed paper.