What did my mother say about the Chanta? Didn’t she say that I should follow my bliss and then the whole world would conspire to help me? I need to use that Chanta right now. It has to be true. Why would she lie to me? Do I have the strength to feel it?
Loki thought he should be able to use the Chanta now. He knew his longing for Snow White, and the journey he’d taken, must have changed him in a better way. He wasn’t the Minikin-hating half-angel who whined about everything in his life anymore. A week ago, if he would have been this close to death, he might not have cared to live that much, because all the things he loved and longed for had been wiped from his memory. But now, he had friends; he had a girl he liked, and ironically, he had a new home. Even if it was called Sorrow, even it was in a town called Hell, he still wanted to live in it. Charmwill had told him that there were many towns called Hell in this world, but not one was called Heaven. Maybe all Loki had to do was decide to make this Hell town his own Heaven. Maybe Heaven wasn’t just a place; home wasn’t just a place; maybe it was us who make a place become Heaven or Hell. Home was where the heart was, where we bled, where we laughed, met those we love, where we built, and what we fought for. Home was the dry soil we kept nurturing unconditionally, the place we took care of, faithfully believing that one day the rain would fall and quench the earth’s thirst. Only then, the cracks in the earth would heal and green dreams would grow from the ground.
Loki wanted to survive this moment, more than ever. He wanted to enjoy his life with his friends, the girl he loved, and maybe devote his life to helping others when he could.
But maybe Loki was too late.
He was out of the breath, and out of answers.
If he had any chance left, it was his free hand that the octopus hadn’t wrapped its curvy arms around yet. How could he use this one last chance appropriately?
His only free hand was closest to the pocket where he kept Sesame, the fortune cookie. Was Sesame going to be able to tell him what to do now? He knew that it wasn’t necessary to vocalize the question he wanted to ask. He could simply use his mind and it would understand and answer him.
Loki pulled Sesame out slowly from his pocket, not to alert the octopus arms, and held it to his side.
All he had to do was ask it a question and crush it open with his hand. He’d always believed in Sesame, and now, it was his last hope.
Wait. Don’t do it. Remember when Charmwill said that one of the things you keep hanging onto is useless, that you will only be able to use the Chanta when you let it go?
Almost fainting, Loki remembered that he couldn’t figure out what that item was. But it seemed clear now. It was Sesame he had to get rid of. It was a useless fortune cookie. Whatever it told him was all lies—even when it hit the jack pot. He’d used it in the past and relied on it without questioning or thinking for himself. It was his lazy teenager way of letting someone else make his decisions for him, and that might have been his greatest mistake all along.
Loki crushed Sesame open this time, but without asking it questions or awaiting answers. He crushed it to get rid of it, not wanting to own it or use it again. He had no use for a fortune cookie in his life anymore. He’d become who he chose to be as long as he breathed. He was the sum of the choices he made. Everything that happened to him was part of his previous decisions, and even if it was sometimes hard to make his own decision, he was old enough to face it, and young enough to correct his mistakes.
I’m young enough to do it, and old enough to do it right.
Loki chose to fight the Queen to save the princess. Ironically, he’d never thought he’d say that because before this moment he’d always mocked fairy tales thinking they taught children silly things like dragons existed. But he’d missed the point. Fairy tales don’t teach us that dragons exist; they teach us that dragons can be killed. He’d never believed in fairy tales, but now he had to.
Once Sesame was crushed open, Loki experienced an unusual strength in his soul. It was like a burden on his shoulders had been lifted and he now felt lighter and freed from the chains of the unknown. He’d found his potion after all. His Chanta was his belief in himself, only himself, that he was the only one that could decide his future.
Amazingly, the octopus let go of Loki after he’d crushed Sesame. Loki rocked up to his feet, inhaling all the air his lungs permitted him. Dripping with blood, milk, and chocolate, he continued inhaling as he embraced the miracle of life like a long lost lover.
Letting the air fill his veins and adjusting to his surroundings, Loki saw he still had another problem.
Neither Carmilla nor Snow White was there, not even the Queen’s servants. Instead, Loki saw someone else through the bathhouse’s stream.
It was Charmwill Glimmer.
“Charmwill?” Loki wiped his wet face clean. “I didn’t know you could enter dreams.”