“I don’t want you to fire her.”
“Why? If the tables were turned, she wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“What does then?” he asked gently.
“I don’t want her to hate me,” Lily admitted.
Shade’s hands reached out, circling her waist before drawing her near until she stood between his thighs. “Sweetheart, it’s already too late for that.”
“I know,” Lily said miserably.
“Lily, you’re too kind for your own good. You take everything to heart that anyone says, and you feel compassion for every living thing. You’ll drive yourself crazy if you don’t stop.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
Lily shrugged, her hands going to his arms. “I guess I like to be needed.”
“I need you.”
Lily blushed, shaking her head. “You don’t need me; you want me. There’s a difference.”
“No, there isn’t.”
“Yes, there is.” Lily pulled away. “Razer found out the difference when he broke up with Beth. One lasts, the other is temporary. You’ll change your mind about me. I see how comfortable the women are with you. You’re used to having relationships and remaining friends. I couldn’t be with someone then watch them be with someone else. I certainly couldn’t remain friends and pretend it doesn’t hurt. Beth and Razer were both willing to change. Neither of us can change who we are, Shade,” Lily said sadly, going to the door. “Please don’t fire Georgia. I should have left things alone.”
Lily left his office, going back to work without telling Georgia that Shade wanted to see her.
At the end of the day, when the other workers left, Lily didn’t linger, leaving before Shade was ready.
She changed into her workout clothes, deciding to stretch then do weight training. Shade came in, going to the bedroom, and she ignored him. Not long after he had come through, the upstairs door opened and Bliss came downstairs holding a laundry basket with Rider carrying another behind her.
Shade returned and began working out as the other two sorted clothes then sat on the couch as the clothes washed. Lily felt self-conscious as the two talked. Every so often, she could sense their eyes on her when she changed positions. She was glad she had worn the most conservative of her workout clothes.
“That’s enough for the day,” Shade said, halting her when she would have continued.
Without acknowledging him, Lily went into the bedroom to shower and change for dinner. By the time she was done, she had thought Shade would have come in to get changed, but he hadn’t appeared.
Lily left the bedroom, deciding to go upstairs to see if they needed any help with dinner. She walked back into the gym and Shade was still talking to Bliss and Rider as they put clothes in the dryer. Lily felt their conversation cut off as she entered the room. She didn’t know how Shade could miss that she didn’t fit in with their group when they wouldn’t even continue a discussion with her in the room.
As she got to the kitchen, dinner was all ready, but Lily wasn’t hungry. Going to the fridge, she grabbed a bottled water and then went outside the kitchen door, wanting a breath of fresh air.
After being in the factory all day then working out, she wanted to feel the sun on her the few minutes she had until it became dark.
She walked to the patio but didn’t want to sit down, so she walked forward onto the grass, her feet unconsciously taking her closer to the house of Beth and Razer.
She had never been inside it before; Beth had never invited her. She drew closer and saw it was beautifully surrounded by the forest while Shade’s house behind and higher had a view of the whole compound.
She and Beth had talked about her house when they had drawn the plans. She remembered Beth saying she had wanted a small front porch, more like a cottage. Lily had told her a wraparound porch would give her a better view of the mountain. She had tried to talk her into a bay window like Shade’s had, yet Beth had wanted two smaller ones, saying it would be much warmer in the winter. Beth wanted her house to be an extension of Razer’s and her love for each other, and she had succeeded.
Lily walked up the short flight of steps to Shade’s house. She sat down on the top step and looked out at the view. It was breathtaking. She remained there until the sun went down.
Darkness had always been her enemy, but she didn’t feel afraid as she sat there in the dwindling daylight. She felt a tear slide down her cheek, not knowing why. Thinking on it, she realized she had never fit in anywhere; not with Beth’s family, not college, and now not there at the clubhouse. It was like always being a guest in someone else’s home and never having one of her own.