Upon hearing the news of Zach's summer, his parents cut their trip short. We tried to dissuade them, even Alex spent a good hour on the phone, but they were adamant and returned home the day before I got out of the hospital.
As nervous as I was about them knowing everything, they were the perfect anecdote in my recovery. Between them and Zach's friends, I was fussed over like royalty. It got a little irritating sometimes, but I'm sure my recovery was that much faster because of it.
Zach reluctantly left for college in August, leaving me bereft. That's when Loretta Schultz had put forward the counseling idea to their lawyer. My nightmares returned the day Zach flew out and it took less than a week for the lawyer to push with such tenacity that the judge would have been heartless to say no. At first, I hated the idea and nearly refused to go, but the judge ruled it and I had no choice. In retrospect, I'm grateful.
"So how about that urge to run? Do you feel like you can enter this next phase of your life and stay in it?"
My knee started bobbing the way it always did when I heard that three-letter word.
R-u-n.
On the counselor's advice I had joined the cross-country team at Monte Vista High. It helped to expel the pent up energy buzzing inside of me. Whenever things got hard, my first thought was always flight, but I was learning to reach for my running gear instead of my bag...tying on my trainers instead of shoving my belongs onto my shoulder and heading for the highway.
"I feel confident I can do this. I've managed to spend an entire year at high school as Lucy Tate and it's been okay."
"I know you didn't think you could handle it without Zach, but on reflection do you feel like this year apart has been good for you?"
I hated her for implying that when she first brought it up months ago. When Zach initially left I was surviving from one Skype call to the next. Life without him was torture and the amount of hours Tom Schultz held me in his arms while I cried was humiliating. He never said anything to that effect, just held me tight and kissed the top of my head. He was a good man, just like his son.
Clearing my throat, I focussed on picking the couch thread. "I guess it's made me independent. I mean I spent five years of my life looking after myself and then when Zach came along I just wanted to bury myself in his arms. So to have him leave was hard...really hard, but it forced me to keep busy and focus on school and knowing he was coming home each break made me want to stick around...so I could see him again. And Tom and Loretta paid for me to go to Arizona for my birthday, so that was good."
Joanne stole a glance at the notes on her desk. "You graduated with a 4.0 GPA. I say that was pretty good studying."
I grinned. "I like school and it's been really nice being there without having to worry about playing a role or trying to con anybody."
"Do you know what you want to study at college yet?"
With a scoffing laugh, I shook my head. "I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that I actually got in."
I bit my lip, excitement skittering through me. Alex had been instrumental in pulling strings and was able to collate all of my previous high school grades. After one full year at Monte Vista, I had everything I needed to go to college, something I never dreamed I could. My parents had left me our house in L.A. and the judge allowed me to take ownership of it on the condition that it was sold immediately so that debts could be repaid and I could get myself a tertiary education.
"I've chosen a variety of classes to start with and I'll see what sparks my interest. I keep coming back to the performing arts classes, but I'm not sure I should."
"Why?"
"Well, I've spent most of my teenage years pretending to be people I'm not and maybe it's just time to be me for a while."
"Doors are beginning to open up for you, Lucy." She leaned forward. "Maybe this is a path you'll take in your future. You obviously have a gift."
I smiled, my cheeks heating with color.
"You don't need to be afraid of what's ahead. Just remember to take one event at a time and if the past starts to weigh you down, go for a run, clear your head. You do not belong to your past."
I nodded.
"You are the new and improved Lucy Tate and you need to own that." She winked.
With a cheerful snicker, I pressed the thread back into the couch and glanced at my watch. My time was almost up. "Hey, I just want to thank you for talking me through all this stuff. I don't think I would have survived this year without you."
She grinned, leaning her elbow onto her crossed legs. "You know what, you're a lot tougher than you think you are. I'm confident after everything you've been through that you could survive anything." She reached out her hand and I leaned forward and grasped it. "I'm here for you anytime, no matter what part of the country you're in."
"Thank you."
She squeezed my hand. "The future is yours, Lucy. Go and claim it."
*****