All was silent for a few moments as the weight of that last statement settled upon them. “What about her brother?” Shane asked. Sean wanted to clasp his brother on the back. From the little bit he knew of Nicki, he found it impossible to believe she’d be capable of completing cutting her twin out of her life. “Given the fact that she’s been contacting him over the past eight years and spent a couple of weeks with him, that sure doesn’t seem to be the case.”
If anything, Ian’s eyes darkened. Sean didn’t like that look, not at all. “What is it that you’re not saying, Ian?”
“Nicki didn’t just bend the rules. She shattered them. While they might be willing to overlook a few minor infractions, they cannot ignore what she did here in Pine Ridge.”
“So, what – are they going to kick her out or something?”
“Haven’t you been listening?” Ian said, his voice rising with the level of frustration in his voice. “It is not something you walk away from. You can’t just leave. There’s no such thing as a ‘former Chameleon’.”
The temperature in the room seemed to drop at least ten degrees in a matter of seconds.
“What’s happened to her, Ian?” Sean’s voice was barely more than a whisper, but was easily audible in the absolute silence.
“Honestly? I don’t know. No one does. The only thing my contact heard was that she was suspended indefinitely and remanded to a secure location.”
*
Nicki’s toe touched the porch flooring, just enough to maintain the lazy, rhythmic arc of the porch swing. It was another gloriously beautiful day. The sun was shining. There was hardly a cloud in the sky. The air was balmy, with the slightest breeze carrying the scent of wild magnolia across the meadow. If she listened carefully she could hear the steady stream of icy creek water over the flat rocks behind the cabin.
Quite simply, it was paradise. There were no people, no missions. Other than a few modern conveniences for which she was profoundly grateful, there was only simplicity. She passed her time reading – the little place had an amazing selection of books; working out – the property included a shed with a weight bag and various fighting implements; and tinkering with the old Jeep in yet another outbuilding.
Nicki eventually forced herself off the swing and down toward the creek. It was here that she spent an hour each day, stripping down to what the Lord blessed her with and stretching out on the rocks like a lizard in the sun. She’d inevitably fall asleep, lulled by the sound of the water, letting her mind wander in the dreams that bled into her waking thoughts.
Sean Callaghan. The warmth and solidity of the rock reminded her of him. If she tried really hard, she could imagine that it was his hard body beneath her.
Wants and wishes. A sad smile teased the corners of her mouth as she recalled their little dialogue that day. She now had everything she wanted, everything she could attain through her own efforts. She’d thought Sean was among the things she wanted, and for a time, he had been. She’d given in to her desire, had taken him even as she had given him a part of herself. But somewhere along the line, Sean had moved from the “want” category into the “wish” category. He was something she was incapable of having. And Nicki didn’t do wishes.
She wasn’t stupid. She knew she’d fucked up royally. They didn’t have a lot of rules, but the ones they did have were law. No family. No friends outside of the organization. And absolute secrecy.
They knew about Nick. That was enough to earn her a severe slap on the wrist, but nothing more. She was one of their best, and had never actually revealed where she was or what she was doing.
They knew about her mom, too, but Charlene wasn’t going to tell anyone now, was she?
They knew about Benny. Allowing her to be the one to take him down was an added bonus; they would have gone after him eventually anyway.
What was unforgivable, what had sealed her fate, was her brief affair with Sean Callaghan.
Of all the men in the world, why had she chosen to break her vow of celibacy with him? She hadn’t willingly engaged – and so hadn’t engaged at all – in any sexual relationships since they scraped her out of the alley Benny’s thugs had dumped her into nearly a decade ago. So why now? Why him?
Because he, and he alone, had done what no one else had ever done. For a little while he had filled the Grand Canyon-sized hole in the middle of her chest. For a little while she had felt truly loved, wanted and desired.
Even now she couldn’t regret it. That brief span of time with him was more than some people ever got in an entire lifetime, and it was certainly more than she’d ever expected. No, she realized as she lay in the sun, letting the cool water trickle over her fingertips and toes, she wouldn’t change anything. She had experienced true happiness, and now had enough memories to sustain her for whatever small amount of time she had left.