“Of course not. This is your home and you’ll always be welcome here, same as Cassie. I just like to know what’s going on in my son’s head.”
God, she did not want to know that. Truth was, she probably knew already. Not once had she ever said anything about me having feelings for Chloe but there had been looks. Looks that made me want to bash my head against the wall. She knew. I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing that she never questioned me on it.
I flicked the blender on and watched for the perfect consistency. Mum didn’t leave and I was starting to feel a bit awkward.
“Work okay?”
I turned the blender off. “Spit it out, Mum.”
Sighing, she sat down on the stool. “Are you really okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Chloe mentioned she might have a date.”
“Yeah, she does have a date. Rhys from work. I’m gonna check him out with Ollie tomorrow, make sure he’s alright.”
“It’s going to be strange, isn’t it?”
“Seeing her with someone that isn’t Jace?”
“Yes. They came as a package for so long.”
I poured the smoothie into a tall glass, contemplating smashing it over my head. “Yeah, they did.”
“Do you think she’ll still come here?”
Oh, that’s what’s wrong. Chloe was like a daughter to her and she didn’t want to lose her, too.
“I don’t think we’re ever getting rid of that girl.” Mostly because I would never let her leave. Like a deranged stalker I would keep her in our lives.
Mum smiled, seemingly satisfied by my answer. “Yes, good. Things were awful without her.”
I could barely remember, but when I was sober I know I’d missed her. Then I drank more because I felt even guiltier.
Mum followed me back into the living room and sat in her chair by the window.
“Back in the gym tomorrow, Chloe?” she asked.
Chlo laughed. “Not a chance.”
I handed her the smoothie and received one of her heart-stopping smiles that I would do anything for. “Come on, you’ll seize up if you don’t continue.”
“Logan, my muscles feel like they’re on fire. I can barely walk. The only exercise I’ll be doing tomorrow is lifting the TV remote.” She laughed then. “Okay, I sound like Jace.”
I loved that she could laugh when she spoke about him now. We all could. It was such a huge difference to crying, drinking, hiding, pretending it hadn’t happened and screaming. We all dealt with it in different ways.
“You do. You know every time you and Logan went on a run or to the gym he’d call you both crazy, grab a snack and sit down in front of the TV.”
“The little… He told me he was doing college work,” Chloe said. “I should’ve known really.”
I kicked my feet up on the coffee table. “I think he was allergic to exercise. He should’ve been fat, eating junk all the time and laying around the house.”
“That was probably all down to Chloe,” Mum said, wiggling her eyebrows.
I tried to keep a straight face as my lunch came back up to meet my throat. It bothered me back then and it still did. She was always supposed to be with me and if I hadn’t been such a dick trying to deny it I could’ve told Jace that I liked her and he never would have gone there. I didn’t, so he did and then all I could do was keep my mouth shut and let my brother be happy.
Chloe blushed and laughed along with Mum. I knew if I forced out a laugh it’d sound wrong so I kept quiet. He was my brother after all so I could get away with thinking that was gross.
Dad hopped over the arm of the sofa and sat beside Mum. “Me and Daryl have been speaking and we’d like to do something for his birthday.”
The last two birthdays were hell. It’d be good to do something that would honour his memory.
“That sounds really nice,” Chlo said. “What were you thinking?”
“London,” she replied.
I frowned. Why the fuck would we visit the city where he died for his birthday? Then I got it. “Right. The architecture.” Mum nodded. Jace loved big, fancy buildings and wanted to do something in that line of work when he was older. It was also what killed him. If he hadn’t been on that stupid fucking college trip he would still be here today.
Chloe nodded. “He wanted to go for a week, do the tourist bit and take pictures of the architecture. We planned to go after uni.”
Mum reached over and squeezed her hand as if she expected Chlo to fall apart. She really was okay now. I was so fucking proud of how far she’d come and how she handled Jace’s death.
“We’ll go for the weekend and do what he wanted. He mentioned a few places.”
“He has a list. We planned the trip quite thoroughly. Well, he did, I just wanted to go to Madam Tussauds and have a photo with David Beckham,” Chlo said. “I have the list at home.”