“I’d never sass you,” he said seriously.
Her smile was sad. “No, you never did. You were always ‘Yes, ma’am’ and ‘No, ma’am’ and ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ Like you were afraid we’d throw you out if you misspoke. I guess now I understand why.”
He’d hated telling them about Eden. Hated seeing the stunned looks on their faces. Hated the hurt in their eyes. For me. They hurt because I was hurt. Me and Mercy. And Mama. He’d hated that he’d upset them, but at the same time he’d found he’d really needed the love and support that they’d offered in return.
He hadn’t been surprised during dinner when they’d offered to help him search for Eden wasn’t a huge surprise, either, but that he couldn’t allow. He didn’t want anyone he loved anywhere close to that place. But he’d deal with that tomorrow. After he’d slept.
Irina shook her head, fast and hard. Gideon wasn’t sure if she was trying to shake off her sadness or to banish the images now burned into her mind. She folded the shirt he’d been wearing and placed it on the dresser, then returned to help him put his sling back on, her retired nurse’s hands capable and sure.
“You’re sure you’ll be warm enough? I can find one of Rafe’s old sweatshirts,” she said.
He didn’t want to tell her that he usually slept in the buff. It had been unnerving enough to take off his jeans and boxer briefs while she fussed with making up the bed. He’d stepped into his sweats and had managed to drag them up, then actually blushed when she reached for the drawstring, tying it in a neat bow. The sweats would be all he’d be able to tolerate against his skin as he slept, and he’d only agreed to them in case he had to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Zoya still lived here, after all, and he’d be sharing the bathroom with her. And with Daisy, who was set up in the spare bedroom.
The thought of Daisy had him hurrying into bed and pulling the blanket up past his quickly growing erection. Not something he wanted Irina to see and the sweats hid nothing.
As for being cold, he hoped Daisy would be joining him soon to keep him warm.
“I’ll be fine, Irina. Honestly.”
“All right.” She pulled the blanket up to his chin, patting his face softly. “I’m glad you’re here, Gideon.”
“Me too.” He smiled up at her when she plumped his pillows. “You used to do this when I was a kid. When I was sick. I pretended I was too old for you to fuss over me, but I really loved it.”
She perched on the side of the bed. “I knew you really wanted me to. But you were fourteen and that’s such a rough age. And you were in rough shape then.” She searched his face. “I worried so much about you back then, Gideon. I still do.”
“I’m fine,” he assured her. “I just got my wing clipped a little. I’ll be healed in no time.”
Irina shook her head. “Not that. I know you’ll heal. You and Rafe got so many hurts and you always healed. On the outside. I worry about your inside.” She tapped his chest. “Your heart.”
“It’s fine, too,” he said, deliberately misunderstanding. “It keeps on beating.”
She gave him a quelling look. “Gideon. I’m being serious. We need to talk.”
“I’m being serious, too. I’m okay, Irina. Really.” He frowned as a concern struck him from left field. “Wait. We need to talk about what?” He narrowed his eyes. “Are you upset that I’m seeing Daisy?” Because that would not be okay.
She flinched, her expression shocked. “No. Of course not. I was the one trying to set you up, remember? For months.”
“Oh,” he said sheepishly. “Right. Sorry.”
“You should be. Durashka.” She shook her head, her exasperation with him clear. “Silly boy. I think she’ll be good for you. Loosen you up a little bit. You’ll be good for her, too. When you took up for her, there in her apartment? She looked at you like you’d hung the moon. And when you told us about Eden she was like a soldier, ready to defend you if we even frowned at you. I only ask that you take it slow. Strong relationships take time.”
“Then why are you worried about me? Why do we ‘need to talk’?”
“Why am I worried about you? Other than the fact that you just told us you were raised in a cult and were nearly murdered by its members?”
“Well, yeah,” he mumbled. “That’s over and done.”
“I don’t think that’s altogether true, but we can tackle that later.” Irina hesitated, then sighed. “Your sister didn’t come.”
It was his turn to flinch. Because even though he hadn’t expected Mercy to come, he’d wished she would. “No. She didn’t. But it’s f—”
“I swear, Gideon Reynolds, if you say ‘fine,’ I’ll . . .” She sputtered. “I don’t know what, but you won’t like it. You love her. I could see that her rejection hurts you.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it again, uncomfortable that he’d let that show. “Yeah,” he whispered. “It does hurt.”
“I’m so sorry, dorogoy moy.”
Sweetheart. He almost smiled, despite the hurt. “I am, too. Partly because I’d love to have a sister. I mean, Sasha and Meg and Zoya are like sisters to me, but Mercy is my sister. I . . . miss her.”
“Of course you do. How could you not?”
And that might be the very heart of it, he thought, turning the notion around in his mind while Irina waited patiently. “That’s the thing,” he finally said quietly. “I miss her, but she doesn’t miss me. She’s cut me out of her life and doesn’t look back. I understand it. I understand that just seeing me brings back a host of bad memories, but . . .”
“But what?”
He sighed. “That’s the bigger part. If she’d turned her back on me for another family, yeah, it would hurt, but she’d be happy. But she didn’t find another family. She’s so alone.” He took the hand she had resting on his heart and squeezed it. “I’m not. I’ve got you guys. You’ve always had my back. If she came here, you’d love her, too. She’d have a family, too.”
Irina’s eyes grew bright and she dabbed at them daintily. “We would love her. I’m glad you know we love you, Gideon.”
He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. “I’ve always known that. You and Karl have been my parents since the day Rafe brought me here. You’ve been the mother that my own mother wasn’t allowed to be.”
Irina tried dabbing again, but gave up and blinked the tears from her eyes, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Your mother got you out of that awful place. I’m grateful to her for that. She got your sister out, too. Physically.”
“Yeah.” Because Mercy was still so damaged, all these years later. Still in a prison, of sorts. “I’ll keep working on her.” Needing to change the tone, he smiled at her slyly. “She might be bribed with honey cake.”
Irina’s chuckle was watery. “If you ever want me to bake one for you, you need only to ask, sinochka.” She leaned in to kiss his forehead. “Rest. We’ll be here for you in the morning.”
“Thank you,” he said gruffly. “For everything.”
She blew him a kiss, turned off the light, and closed the door, leaving him all alone.
Alone, staring at the ceiling, and wondering where Daisy was. It had only been three nights, but he’d become accustomed to her sleeping in his arms.
He listened. The TV was on downstairs. Sounded like Monday Night Football, to which Karl was addicted. Hopefully that would keep Frederick busy, too, because Gideon planned to find Daisy and ask her to stay with him. Just until he went to sleep.
He’d pulled the blanket away and swung his legs over the side of the bed when his door slowly opened. Daisy slipped in and shut the door quietly, locked it, then listened, presumably, for anyone who might have seen her.
Like her father. Who’d taught her to shoot and fight like a soldier. It kept occurring to Gideon that Daisy’s father should probably scare him more than he did. Although Frederick hadn’t seemed too upset that Daisy had been asleep on his hospital bed.
A real bed was probably different.
She turned around and let out a startled eep when she saw him, clapping her hand over her mouth after the fact. “You’re awake.”
“So it would seem,” he said dryly. “I think you just erased any benefit of your super secret stealth.”
She grinned as she crossed the room. “They’re screaming at the TV downstairs. I doubt they heard one little eep. And if they did . . .” She shrugged and sat on the bed. “Irina was crying when she left your room. But smiling, too. What happened?”
“I told her that she and Karl are my family.”
Daisy’s smile was soft. “That’d do it.” She stroked his cheek with the backs of her fingers. “I won’t stay long. I just wanted to check on you. It can’t have been easy, telling them about Eden.”