We eventually make it out to lunch, enjoying fish and chips and a nice bottle of wine down at the Portsea Hotel at the end of the peninsula. It's a beautiful spot on a beautiful day and we have an easy lunch, talking about nothing much but enjoying the view across the bay. We look around the shops in Sorento on the way home and buy some cakes to take back and eat later, Gabriel has decided I need fattening up, of course I totally disagree, a bit of weight loss is exactly the boost to my confidence I need right now. Strange how women’s minds work! By the time we get back, the sun is setting. As we walk in the front door Gabe’s phone rings.
“Hey baby girl” I hear him say as he answers and walks up to the family room. I assume and hope that it’s his daughter calling. I head straight to the bedroom and pull on my trackies and find Gabriel's cigarettes and go out onto the veranda for a smoke and to watch the sun go down. After around ten minutes I walk along the veranda and look through the kitchen doors. Gabe’s finished talking on the phone and is now putting it on the doc to play some music. He puts some ice in a cooler with a bottle of wine and gets himself a beer while dancing around the kitchen to the Black Eyed Peas. He hasn't noticed me watching him; my goodness he's sexy, I think back to last Friday when he sang into my ear and I shudder and squeeze my legs together. I never thought I would feel this way about any man other than my husband, to want him to see me naked and to touch me the way that he does and quite frankly I'm shocked at myself, how easily I've moved on and I'm scared it’s not real, just a knee jerk reaction caused by the end of my marriage. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt Gabe and I do love being with him but it’s only been a week since I left Jay and only a week since I met Gabe and we are already living together as a couple. That's madness by any body's standards. I am trying to take on board what Gabe keeps telling me and not over think things but how can I not? I know he likes me, but I’m not sure by how much and strongly suspect that it’s not as much as I like him, actually, I more than like him, my feelings have moved on to much more than like in an amazingly short space of time, how can that be? How can I be married and in love with my husband one week and free falling headfirst into, what? Lust? Super like? Super, lusty like? Whatever it is, it has me spinning and as much as I’m enjoying being with Gabe, I am truly terrified that he will break my fragile heart into a million pieces and on top of everything else, I really don’t think I would survive that.
I go and sit on one of the outdoor chairs as Gabe arrives with our drinks.
“Smoking MS Day? What's up, you stressing about something?” He asks me
“What's wrong? Talk to me.”
I shrug and shake my head. I know tears aren’t too far from the surface and I really don’t want to spoil the beautiful day we have had. He looks at me, concerned. And I don’t like that I’m making him worry “Thank you for today, I have really enjoyed myself”
“It was my pleasure, it’s been nice having time away from work and spending it with you but that doesn’t answer my question, tell me what’s wrong”
“Do you like me Gabe?” His face is a picture, he looks stunned.
“What the fuck are you talking about, do I like you? Of course I fucking like you. I more than like you, haven’t I made that clear? We may have only met a week ago, but you have turned my world on its head, you’ve moved into my home, my world, my life, my heart. Does that not speak volumes to you about my feelings Lauren?” He sounds a little pissed off and takes a long swig of his beer.
“What is this all about, has Jay called you again? I swear, I will kill that fucker if he keeps this up” He reaches across and takes a cigarette out of the packet and lights it. Great, now I have him on a downer too. Nice work Lauren.
“No, Jason hasn’t called me, I’m sorry, I just keep waiting for something to go wrong, for you to get sick and tired of all my shit and how I handle things, or don’t handle things as is generally the case. I think I'm stressing about the fact that things are good, I'm happy here with you. I know we are going to have a battle ahead and it’s still early days but right here, right now, I'm happy. Fuck, I don’t know, I’m just a mess, a fucked up mess”
I smile, shrug and shake my head as I Iook across at him, he looks back at me, with those eyes and I melt.
“You amaze me” he says shaking his head “I can't believe you've kept it together the way you have”
“Ha, I would hardly call having constant meltdowns and crying all the time, keeping it together”
“Don't be so hard on yourself, your doing great, you would probably be doing even better if I wasn't in the equation, confusing things even more and putting pressure on you with my demands”
I try and give him what I consider is my sexiest smile and say “I love your demands, they've kept me sane this week and you have taught me so much about myself, I also love the pressure that you've put on me, in fact, I love anything you put on me. Or in me for that matter” I give him a wink and hope he doesn’t think it’s some kind of affliction.
“Is that right? Perhaps I should have a little think about what other things I can find to put in you? If it’s your sanity that’s at stake”
“Perhaps you should” He stands abruptly, grabs the wine cooler and my hand and pulls me into the bedroom.