She nods her head and does as I ask. I didn’t it was possible, but I manage to go deeper. So deep, I’m bottomed out completely inside of her. Never has anything felt this perfect, this right. I know she feels it too, because she moans in reaction.
She has kept her hands wrapped up in the sheet on the bed till this point. I grieve silently. I would love to have her touch on me, but I’m glad she seems to have accepted my rules. I can’t take the risk of flashbacks, especially with the memories so close to the surface right now.
I resent the fact I continue to think of this shit, when I am inside my own personal heaven. I hate that these thoughts intrude on the one clean and beautiful thing I’ve had in my life. I settle over her, bracing myself on one arm, the other tangling in her hair and pulling her lips the small distance to mine.
“Say it,” I order against her lips. I don’t know why, but I need to hear it again.
“I love you, Jacob,” she complies as one of her hands touches the side of my face.
I bite down the order for her to keep her hands down. I can handle this. I can. She loves me, this is different. As long as her touch stays on my face, I’ll manage, I just need this. I need this moment. My tongue slides into her mouth and I drink in her words, I drink them down deep.
I can feel my balls tighten with my approaching climax, way too soon. I let go of the hold I have on her hair and tease her clit so she can go with me. It doesn’t take long and I’m thankful. My mouth captures her release. She convulses on my cock, pulling me over the edge with her. I come so hard, I feel light headed.
I grab her ass and pull her tight against me as I fall over on my back. I keep my cock buried deep inside of her, while letting her rest on top of me. When she goes to move off of me, I refuse to let her. She settles against me and places a kiss on the side of my neck. I let my fingers slide along the smooth, soft, skin of her back. She holds me close and her hands feel good. I close my eyes and breathe her in. For the space of this minute, I let myself pretend I am different. That the feel of someone else’s hands on me is normal and I can enjoy it without fear of the darkness.
“I need to get off,” Carrie breathes against my skin her voice sounding exhausted.
“I thought you just did.”
I feel her lips spread in a smile against my neck and I like it. I give her too much pain. I like giving her a smile. I want to give her more.
“Get off of you so we can sleep.”
“Shh…rest Care Bear, I like you right where you are.”
It scares me to admit this, but I give it to her. I give it and ignore the fear.
“I like it too. Goodnight, Jacob. I love you”
“Goodnight, Care.” I want to say it back to her. I want to tell her I love her. This time the fear wins and I stay silent.
It takes a few minutes before her breathing evens out. I wish with everything in me that I could join her. I don’t. I can’t take that risk. I’m okay with staying awake and holding her though. This may be the single, best thing I’ve felt in my life, so I will savor it and pretend this is my normal. A new normal that I crave, but will never have.
Chapter 24
Carrie
I’m alone in the bed. It’s kind of sad. Jacob woke me up once more in the night. I still didn’t get to touch him like I wanted, but it was amazing. I can’t deny it, I was scared of the morning light, because last night was the single most perfect night of my life. Well, at least after Jacob got in bed with me. I stretch, my body is sore and well used. The house is quiet, which is odd. Since I’ve made the move to Kentucky, I don’t think Dragon and his men have ever left me alone. I shrug it off. I’m sure he’s around somewhere.
I sigh and get up. I’m hungry, so I’m going to have to get my butt moving. I take a quick shower, braiding my wet hair when I get out. It’s easier than worrying about blow-drying and fixing it. I don’t bother with makeup, because food seems more important right now. I’m starved.
I walk into the living room, expecting to see Jacob asleep on the couch or something, but the room is empty. I try not to let fear grab me. It’s silly. Before my parents died I never worried. Living like I have, has made me see shadows where there are none. I go into the kitchen. It’s a little after eleven, but surely that’s not too late for breakfast. I’ll make extra in case Alexander is still here, and him and Jacob are both hungry.
I scramble some eggs, fry bacon and make toast and still…nothing. I figured the smell of food would get their attention. I go outside and look around and there’s no one there. The Tahoe is missing too. I look around one last time and go back inside. I’m a little disappointed that Jacob didn’t tell me he was leaving, but I suck it up. He gave me more than I was expecting last night. I have to go with that.