I swung around to find Nash standing in my kitchen. Grinning at him, I confessed, “A possible romance.”
He grimaced. “Why does that not surprise me?”
I ignored his comment and grabbed his hand. Pulling him into the living room, I sat him on the couch, and demanded, “What’s going on with you?”
I’d expected him to clam up on me, but he didn’t. Instead, he scrubbed a hand over his face, and asked, “Velvet told you she wants kids?”
It was in that moment, I realised he wanted to have this conversation with me. Just like the time he’d come to me when he was working through his feelings for Velvet before they got together.
Nodding, I said, “Yeah, she told me. Where do you stand on it?”
His conflicted feelings were written all over his body and face - from the way his shoulders sat in tense torment to the way worry lines marred his face. He sat in silence for a minute or so before finally admitting in a ragged voice, “It terrifies me.” Abruptly, he stopped talking, but I could tell he had more to say so I didn’t respond. I simply waited for him to find the words he needed. Taking a moment, and a long breath, he continued, “But I think I want to do it. I love that woman and the thought of her with my baby in her belly… fuck, Madison, it feels right.”
I leant forward, a little closer to him. “You’re terrified because you’re worried something bad will happen to the child or is it something to do with Velvet?”
“Fuck, it’s irrational, I fuckin’ know, but both.”
“Nash, I never knew Gabriella, but from what I do know, Velvet is nothing like her. Nothing. So you need to move past that thought. I understand it, but it’s unfounded. And if you find that thought hard to move on from, you need to think about how much you’ve missed out on in life over the past ten years by letting your fears control you, and take a chance. The chance you’ve taken on her has worked out well so far, right?”
He nodded slowly, letting my words sink in.
Time for some tough love. “Right, so chances do pay off. Get your shit together on that. And as far as being terrified of losing another child,” my voice softened, “I think that’s a natural fear anyone who has lost a child would have, and I believe you have every right to be worried about that, but you have to voice this to Velvet. Shutting her out is not good for your relationship.”
Leaning back into the couch, he nodded. “I know, babe, but I didn’t want to hurt her while I tried to figure this out.”
“How would you figuring it out hurt her?”
He stared at me. “I have a way of screwing things up and hurting people – people I don’t want to hurt – and I knew I was already fucking things up by not being able to tell her what she needed to hear. I didn’t want to risk fucking it up completely while I got myself to where she needed me.”
My heart broke for him. “You love her a lot, don’t you?”
His gaze never wavered as he gave a firm nod of his head and said, “Yeah, I do.”
“You’re not just doing this for her, are you?”
“What, agreeing to a child?”
“Yes. If you agree to what she wants, that choice has to be because you want it too, Nash.”
Oh God, I hoped he was doing this for the right reason. He really would be screwing shit up if he were doing it for any other reason.
When he flashed his breathtaking Nash Walker smile at me, the knots of worry in my tummy settled. “I’m doing it for me, babe. This is my chance at something I’ve always wanted but never believed I’d ever get again.”
And there were the words I’d wanted to hear. “You need to go and tell Velvet straight away, but first you have to promise me something.”
He groaned. “God help me, Madison. I dislike making you promises, with a passion, because you always extract blood from me.”
Laughing, I ignored him. “Promise me you’ll start trusting yourself and your ability to be the man Velvet needs, because believe me, you’re already that man, and I know for a fact that she wants you in all your imperfect ways.”
His body stilled and he allowed my words in. Then he leant closer to me and murmured, “Somewhere along the way you became the wiser one of us.”
I smiled. “That’s because somewhere along the way, I started listening to you a lot more.”
As I watched him walk away, in search of Velvet, I let hope bloom in my soul.
Maybe the hard times would ease soon, and we’d all know happiness again.
6
Chapter Six
Velvet
I sat staring into space while the conversation carried on around me. Voices drifted in and out, but I paid no attention to any of them while my thoughts consumed me.
He doesn’t want kids.
That was the predominant thought, the one I couldn’t shift. And that thought scared the shit out of me, and almost made me wish I’d never talked to Nash about my desire for a child.