WEST McCRAY:
Claire left when Sadie was sixteen, which meant Mattie was ten. Their mother had wholly succumbed to her drug addiction by that point, and her exit was its most logical conclusion. May Beth’s last conversation with Claire was two days before she abandoned her life and children in Cold Creek.
MAY BETH FOSTER:
She wanted money from me and I knew what she wanted it for. Said it was for the girls, for food, and I said well, you tell me what you need and I’ll pick it up at Stackett’s for ya, and she said no, I need the money. And we got into it worse than we ever had. I tried not to push her too much, because whenever I did, she’d keep the girls from me …
Anyway, I told her to get her shit together, that she was still young enough to turn it all around and God would reward her trouble, but she had to do her part too. She hung up the phone so hard, my ears were ringing all night.
WEST McCRAY:
The next day, May Beth went on a two-week vacation to visit her daughter in Florida. The day after that, Claire left.
Mattie had just entered fifth grade and was enjoying herself. Sadie had been dividing her time between high school—which, per May Beth, she didn’t like at all—and working at the McKinnon Gas Station.
Her boss, Marty McKinnon, has lived in Cold Creek all forty-five years of his life and expects he’ll live what years are left of it here too. He’s an imposingly well-built, ruddy-faced guy but he’s known around town as a gentle giant. He’d give you the shirt off your back, if you’re not too afraid to ask for it.
MARTY MCKINNON:
Sadie was a good kid, hard worker. I didn’t need the help so much as she did, you catch my meaning. She’d uh, she tried all over town for a job before she ended up with me. They’d been talking about it at the bar, Joel’s, you know. Makin’ fun of her, like— WEST McCRAY:
What did they say?
MARTY MCKINNON:
They just thought it was funny she might be able to do anything worth paying for. She was a buck and change and she can’t hardly talk, so how can you put her to work? That sorta thing … well, I thought that was damn unfair, so when she finally came my way, I offered her something. She was so grateful, that was the first and only time she ever hugged me. If you knew Sadie, you’d know she wasn’t a … she didn’t open up a lot. It was like pulling teeth just to get her to tell you how she was. I think that’s because she was always terrified people would call CPS and she’d get separated from Mattie. But that was unlikely.
WEST McCRAY:
Why do you say that? It seems pretty obvious the girls needed help.
MARTY MCKINNON:
Yeah, but everyone here does, you get me? We’re not in the habit of borrowing trouble. Still, it worried Sadie and she thought Claire leaving would be the end of ’em—as if May Beth would’ve ever let that happen—so she didn’t say a word about it to anyone and made Mattie swear to do the same. Then, a week later, around four in the morning, I get a call. It’s Mattie, frantic. She thought Sadie was dying. I drove over and Sadie was sick as a dog. It was bad enough I took her to the hospital. They hooked her up to some IVs and she was fine … just one of those freak things.
MAY BETH FOSTER:
I think it was the stress of Claire going, that’s what caused it.
MARTY MCKINNON:
Anyway, we were in the waiting room and Mattie just lost it, just started bawling her eyes out and Mattie’s always been kind of dramatic, like Claire was, but this wasn’t that. She was scared out of her mind. So I got her candy from the vending machine, tried to settle her down some, and she told me Claire had left and if anyone found out, she and Sadie would never see each other again. My God, the kid was so upset, she threw up all over me. It was a mess. First thing I did was call May Beth in Florida and she flew back that day. She really loves those girls. Sadie was so mad at Mattie tellin’ me and at me tellin’ May Beth, and at May Beth just for knowin’, I don’t think she talked to any of us for a week.
MAY BETH FOSTER:
It’s funny, I always thought Claire would leave us one way or the other—but I still wasn’t ready for it. Sadie never had her mother to begin with, so she didn’t even know how to start losing her on this level. The only thing Sadie was afraid of was losing the family she had left and that was Mattie. And Mattie … Mattie was absolutely leveled by it.
WEST McCRAY:
Tell me more about that.
MAY BETH FOSTER:
I thought it was going to kill her. I well and truly did. Mattie got so depressed about it, she didn’t want to eat. She lost weight she couldn’t afford to lose. She barely slept … she’d have these waking nightmares about Claire leaving and open her eyes and realize that it wasn’t just a dream. Sadie couldn’t even calm her down. She was hysterical half the time, almost catatonic the rest of it. I told Sadie we needed to get Mattie to a doctor, but … Sadie wouldn’t have it, and I didn’t see it ending well if we did, to be honest. Sadie dropped out of high school instead. She thought maybe being at home would help.
WEST McCRAY:
And did it?
MAY BETH FOSTER:
No. Only one thing got through to Mattie.
WEST McCRAY:
About three months after Claire left, and for the first and only time, the girls received word from their mother. It arrived in the form of a postcard, which was later recovered with Sadie’s belongings. On its front, a line of palm trees against a stark, beautiful blue sky. Greetings from Sunny L.A.! the cards says. Wish you were here! It’s addressed only to Mattie, and in Claire’s messy scrawl it says, Be my good girl, Mats.
MAY BETH FOSTER:
Mattie came alive after that. From that point on, she was absolutely fixated on L.A.—they had to go there and find Claire, they just had to, their mother wanted them to find her and start over …
I hate that it happened, as grateful as I was for it at the time. It put the color in Mattie’s cheeks, it gave us our girl back, but my God, she and Sadie were never the same after that.
WEST McCRAY:
Sadie refused to look for Claire?
MAY BETH FOSTER:
It wasn’t possible, for a lot of reasons. The money. They couldn’t afford it. They didn’t know where in the city she was, I mean come on. Claire probably wrote it when she was high. She didn’t ask them to find her. That postcard was a good-bye. Mattie just didn’t understand or accept it. And I guess … Sadie could’ve acted a little torn up about it for her sister’s benefit, but she didn’t …
WEST McCRAY:
Did Mattie blame Sadie for Claire leaving?
MAY BETH FOSTER:
No, but she blamed Sadie for not looking for her.
WEST McCRAY:
What did Claire mean when she told Mattie to be “‘my good girl”?
MAY BETH FOSTER:
When Mattie was being Claire’s good girl, she was usually giving Sadie hell. I feel like I’m making Mattie sound terrible and that’s not the case. She was just … young. Mattie loved Sadie but she worshipped Claire.
WEST McCRAY:
After the postcard, things slowly deteriorated between the girls.
MAY BETH FOSTER:
It was heartbreaking to see, the way Mattie would get with Sadie. Just vicious. Sadie forgave Mattie everything. She knew where that anger was coming from and bore it. That doesn’t mean she was a saint—she wasn’t. She’d get impatient, tell Mattie she was being stupid, that it was hopeless … it was the first real crack between them and it kept growing. It’s amazing, really, when I think about how long and how hard Mattie held onto Claire while Sadie was just trying to hold onto Mattie.