“I couldn’t say anything, Sera. We take a vow—”
“I don’t care!” she said, slapping her tail. “You took another vow. To me. Or you were about to.”
“I only wanted to protect you. It’s dangerous to know things. Knowing things can get you killed these days.”
“It’s more dangerous not to know. I just lunged at you with a knife, Mahdi. I…I could have…” Serafina’s voice caught.
“It’s all right. I’m fine.”
“Is Yazeed in the Praedatori too? Is he alive?”
Mahdi said nothing.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Tell him he’s got to get word to Matali. Neela’s worried sick.”
“I can’t. Yaz is missing in action. He was directing guerilla operations outside Cerulea. His base was raided a week ago. No one’s seen him since.”
Serafina fell silent now, and Mahdi kept trying to explain.
“I wanted to say something. The whole time I was with you, I was wishing I could. But I couldn’t, even if I hadn’t taken a vow. If you’d known it was me, you might’ve made decisions based on my safety, not your own. I didn’t want that. I wanted you to be able to swim away. To leave me behind if you had to. I was also worried about my cover. What if you’d been captured? You might’ve been forced to tell Traho the truth.”
“Never. I never would have told that sea scum anything.”
“Traho can be very persuasive.”
“I don’t care if he tortured me. I never would have betrayed you.
“What if it wasn’t you he tortured? What if it was Neela? What if he cut off her fingers and made you watch? Could you stay silent then? Four days ago, he cut a finger off a child—a child, Sera—to make her mother tell him where her father was hiding. I saw him do it. And I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t stop him. It would have blown my cover. I would have saved one, maybe—and sacrificed thousands more. I still see her. That little merl. I see her at night when I try to sleep. I still hear her.”
Mahdi leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes.
“Oh, Mahdi,” she said, her heart hurting for him.
He looked at her, then touched a tendril of her hair, following its curve across her temple and down her cheek. “It suits you,” he said, smiling. “So does the outfit.”
Serafina looked down at her clothing. The illusios she’d cast at the duca’s had finally worn off. She was back to short hair and swash clothes. “Thanks,” she said. “It’s all Neela’s doing. We needed disguises and she came up with some.”
“I was so worried about you, Sera. After we fought off the attackers at the palazzo, we hunted for you. All the Praedatori did. The ones who survived, at least. We couldn’t find you anywhere. How did you get out?”
“Through a mirror.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“But only the very best mages can do that. How did you—”
“Look, Mahdi, I’m asking the questions right now, okay?”
Sera was wary. The lessons of the last few weeks had taught her not to give her trust until it had been earned. Who was the real Mahdi? Was it the shy, serious boy she’d fallen in love with two years ago? The party boy she’d found passed out in the ruins of the reggia? Or the solemn, selfless warrior she now found herself talking to?
“Why did you join the Praedatori?” she asked. She wanted to hear the whole story, from the beginning.
“Serafina, I can’t break—”
“Your vow? Sorry, that catfish is out of the bag. And besides, you didn’t break it. Not technically. You didn’t tell me. I guessed.”
Mahdi took a deep breath. “It all started soon after I returned home from Miromara. After it was decided we were to be betrothed. I sent you conchs at first, do you remember?”
“Remember? I lived for them,” Serafina said.
“I didn’t choose to stop sending them. My messenger—Kamau—was taken. With two of my closest friends—Ravi and Jai.”
“What do you mean taken?”
“They were traveling back together from Miromara and stopped for the night at a village about twenty leagues from Matali City. The village was raided. Khelefu, the grand vizier, came to tell me. He brought me Kamau’s bag. It was found at the inn where they’d stayed. There was a conch in it for me from you, a necklace he’d bought for his merlfriend, and a study conch. Kamau was cramming for the entrance exam to our military college. Ravi and Jai had been on a year abroad at the university in Tsarno…”
Mahdi shook his head, overcome by emotion. “Yaz and I, we grew up with those guys. They were more than friends; they were our brothers. We asked Khelefu what was being done. He said the proper forms had been filled out and a battalion of soldiers had been sent to the village, but they’d found nothing. Other villages had been raided too. No one knew who was behind it. I asked him to send more soldiers. To widen the search area. He told me that would be highly unusual and that additional forms would have to be submitted.”