“I want you to come in me.”
A low growl rumbles deep in Joel’s chest, and he stretches my arms out higher, bringing my breasts to his mouth and sucking my nipple between his lips. I gasp a moan in surprise as his tongue flicks over me, wet and firm, slicking over one pink tip and then the other. When my hips stop moving, his start, and he sinks into me over and over again as every muscle in my body coils with tension.
“Come for me first,” he orders from below me. “I want to feel you do it.”
His words pull a thread somewhere deep inside of me, and I unravel all around him. My white-knuckled grip on his fingers goes slack, and Joel’s hands fly to my hips, holding them in place as he rockets my orgasm into uncharted territory. My fingertips dig into the gray leather beside his head, and his dig into my hips as he pours himself into me on a powerful thrust that nearly makes me collapse on top of him. I manage to stay on my hands and knees, letting him pump into me until he has nothing left to give, and then I rest my weight on top of him with my ear pressed against his chest and my fingers brushing over the damp sides of his head, the buzzed tips of his hair prickling my fingers. His heart is beating loud and fast, but his hands are the total opposite, soft and gentle as he runs them over my back.
“Why have we never done that before?” Joel asks, and I giggle against his chest, giddy with relief that I’m not completely broken, and high off of the best sex I’ve ever had in my entire life.
He brushes my hair away from my face, and I tilt my chin to stare up at him, a contented smile on my face.
“Do you know how many other girls have tried to convince me they were on birth control?” he asks, and my smile fades away.
“I wasn’t lying,” I assert in a voice devoid of all the warmth I felt just a few seconds ago. I try to push off of him, but his stubborn arms keep me from budging.
“I know. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” He brushes his thumbs over my skin and says, “I’ve never been with anyone like that.”
“Never?” I ask, studying him.
His eyes lift to the ceiling, his voice thoughtful when he says, “Never.”
I should let him keep avoiding eye contact. I should keep my mouth shut. I shouldn’t pretend any of this means anything.
“Neither have I,” I confess, and Joel’s eyes drop to mine.
He stares at me for a long moment, and I know he’s wondering why him. Just like I’m wondering why me. But neither of us ask. Instead, he says, “I don’t want you being with anyone else like that.”
“I won’t be.” Sex without protection with Joel was amazing, but with anyone else, it would be terrifying and not worth the risk.
“That’s not what I meant,” he says. He exhales a long breath toward the ceiling. “I don’t want you being with anyone else period.”
My brain flickers into static, his words lost in the noise. “Are you asking me out?”
“No.”
“Then what are you saying?”
He closes his eyes, his chest rising and falling on a sigh. “Hell if I know.”
I can’t help it. I laugh. And eyes closed, a smile forms on his face.
“You’re not making any sense.”
“I know.”
“If I’m not supposed to be with anyone else, who am I supposed to be with?”
“Me.”
“So you are asking me out . . .” I say, heart pounding, palms sweating, thoughts racing. If he is, what will I say? If I turn him down, where will that leave us?
“No,” he says, opening his eyes and fixing his cobalt gaze on me. My chest deflates, and I try to convince myself it’s with relief. “Don’t take me at more than face value, Dee. I’m not asking you out. I’m just a guy without a house or a car or anything worth offering, telling you I don’t want you fucking anyone but me.”
Something must be seriously wrong with me, because in that moment, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted him more. My eyes drift to his mouth. “Okay,” I say, and then I press my lips to his.
The kiss is soft, brief, and it ends too soon when he breaks away to say, “Okay?”
“Okay, I hear you,” I clarify, and then I kiss him again, unwilling to make any promises I can’t keep, even if they’re promises I want to.
Chapter Twelve
“WHAT THE HELL is WRONG with him?” Rowan says as we walk through the vast lot next to the buses while the guys take their morning showers. Last night, I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow, and for the first time since Saturday, I didn’t dream. I didn’t have nightmares. I didn’t wake thinking of Cody—I woke to Rowan hissing at me and pointing toward the stairs. She reluctantly let me shower and get dressed before dragging me outside, but then she pounced on me and made me tell her everything that happened last night, covering her ears when I tortured her with details.
“Do you know what the weird part is though?” I ask.