“I fixed that fence, too,” Tony said, speaking as if Sam knew what he was talking about. “That’s not easy to do with a fake leg.”
“It’s impossible,” Sam agreed, and paused briefly to pull the sweater over his head. “You’re on the right track. Sometimes, those voices start talking to you, and it’s not easy. It’s just the weather, trust me. Do me a favor. Go to bed, get some sleep. I’ll be up this afternoon.”
He heard Tony’s sigh. “Okay,” he said at last. “Okay, yeah. I feel pretty wasted, now that you mention it.”
“So you’ll get some sleep and wait for me?”
“Yeah,” Tony said, and he yawned.
“Tony . . . give me your word.”
“I give you my word,” Tony said.
Sam resisted a sigh of relief. He knew what it was like when the doubts started creeping in, how easy it was to give in to the whispering in your head. “I’ll see you later.” He hung up.
“Is Tony okay?” Libby asked.
“For now,” Sam said, worried. “He doesn’t sound good. He gets down sometimes, and he’s tempted to drink.” Sam felt the slight swell of nausea he always felt when he thought of how far and hard that fall would be. “Or worse,” he added grimly, because with Tony, he didn’t know. “I’m going to shower and see if I can get up there to talk to him,” he said.
“I’m going with you,” Libby said. She leaned over the bed, reaching for clothes. Libby pulled one of his T-shirts over her head and stood up.
Sam caught her wrist and pulled her to him, into his chest. His arms went around her. It had been so long since Sam had been involved with a woman who wasn’t Terri that he had forgotten how these things went. “I had a great time last night.”
“You and me both, Lone Ranger.”
“I’m not sure where it leaves us,” he said, smoothing her unruly hair. “You’re still half nuts. And I’m still a deputy with a responsibility to enforce the law.”
She laughed. “That makes it doubly exciting.”
Sam ran his hand down her arm, and said, “What I’m trying to say is, it’s been a long time since I . . .” Since he’d what? Slept with a woman? Become emotionally attached to a woman? Wanted something more from a woman? He felt suddenly awkward. Rusty. A little old.
Libby caressed his cheek. “Well, generally, I think that when two people come together, they hang out and see what develops.”
“Is that what you want?” he asked. “Because I’ll be honest—I don’t want to be the rebound guy.”
“The rebound—” She suddenly laughed, rose up on her toes and kissed him. “You’re not the rebound guy, Sam. You’re the guy who caught me when I fell. That makes you the hero,” she said, poking him in the chest.
He caught her hand and held it against his chest. “I’m no hero, Libby,” he said. “I’m the opposite of that. I’ve worked hard to maintain my sobriety, and like I told you, it’s never easy for me. It’s hard for me to convey just how difficult it is.”
“So what are you trying to say?” Libby asked uncertainly.
Sam wasn’t really sure. He had an indistinct feeling of unease crawling in beside the happiness and elation of human affection he was also feeling. He hadn’t been with anyone in a long time. He certainly hadn’t tested his emotional fortitude fully sober. He thought he might really love Libby, but he also feared she could derail this thing between them. “I want to try us. I want it more than anything. But I can’t have a lot of chaos in my life, Libby. It’s taken a long time for me to understand that chaos—uncertainty, drama, all of it—is as dangerous to me as alcohol.”
She tugged her hand free of his, and put her arms around his neck. “I knew you didn’t get around much. Okay, I swear, no chaos.”
She didn’t understand him, he could see it in her smiling eyes. “I’m serious, baby. I have my own demons and I can’t carry more.”
“Sam.” Her voice was softer now, her gaze sympathetic. “I hear you. And I promise—no chaos. I just want to see where this goes, and I am really glad you want the same thing. But right now, today, you have to do something about Tony.” She kissed him.
Sam’s heart told him he should try again, find better words to convey what he was trying to say, to make her understand what he scarcely understood himself. But his body was waking and silenced his heart. “Don’t you need a shower?” he asked, nuzzling her neck.
“I do,” she agreed, and put her feet on top of his as Sam walked them into the bathroom.
He lingered in the shower with her longer than he should have, but he finally made himself get out and dress. Libby stayed behind, washing her hair.