It was the wrong thing to say.
But I’d learned with Walt that there was never a right thing to say.
“Not at all, honey?” he whispered, gripping my neck and lifting me to where I could barely keep my tiptoes on the floor. “Not at all, honey?” He laughed, dropping me back down. “Not at all, honey!” He yelled at the top of his lungs, spit flying from his mouth as a heavy hand struck my face.
I stumbled back as pain exploded within me.
Tessa screamed from her chair as Walt roared, “Liar!”
“I’m not lying about anything,” I cried, my hand covering my swelling cheek.
“You fucked him. You whore!”
I adamantly shook my head. “I didn’t! I swear. He never laid a finger on me.”
He stormed forward, and I retreated as fast as I could, stopping only when my back hit a wall.
He slammed his palm on the wall beside my head and leaned in, snarling, “Trust me, he wanted to.”
“No,” I stated firmly.
He held my gaze and searched my eyes.
My heart raced, blood thundering in my ears, and I had to hold my breath to keep from exposing my fear, but I finally managed to repeat, “No.”
Anger still radiating off him, he shoved off the wall and backed up a step. “Well, then I have some good news for you, Clare. As far as I know, Luke is alive and well.” He cracked his neck. “For the next half hour, anyway. What’s his last name?”
Any relief I’d had when I’d heard he was alive morphed into paralyzing fear. “Walt, no,” I gasped, shaking my head.
“If this guy means nothing to you, give me his fucking last name.”
Frantically trying to come up with a distraction, I stepped forward and rested my hands on his chest. “I swear to you he means nothing to me, Walt. But that doesn’t mean he needs to die.”
He swatted my hands away. “Name. Now. Or you will regret this.”
But I already regretted everything. I couldn’t add Luke’s death to that—not again.
“Please don’t do this,” I pleaded, reaching out for him once more.
Suddenly, he turned on a toe, giving me his back as he headed toward Tessa.
My heart constricted as I flew after him. “Walt! Stop!”
“Mama!” she shrieked, fighting to get out of her seat as he approached.
I rushed around him, blocking him from advancing any farther.
I fully expected him to plow over me. But he came to a halt, his hand stabbing into his pocket to retrieve his phone. He quickly dialed a number and lifted it to his ear.
“His name, Clare. Right. Fucking. Now.” He pointedly glanced over my shoulder at a now hysterical Tessa.
Walt had never gone after Tessa before, so I had no idea what he was trying to insinuate, but it was my daughter, so I wasn’t about to wait to find out.
It was the exact moment my soul broke in two.
One part would forever be with Tessa, and the other would be buried in a shallow grave with a man whose only mistake was being kind.
“Cosgrove,” I whispered, the pain searing through me.
He barked, “Luke Cosgrove,” into the phone. Then he turned on a heel and strode out the front door, slamming it behind him.
Tears sprang from my eyes, and the heave of my stomach threatened to overtake me. I managed to get Tessa out of her chair and both of us locked in my bedroom and then locked in the bathroom before I lost it.
She crawled into my lap, curling as close as possible as I threw up in the toilet.
How is this my life?
I couldn’t do it anymore, but I knew with a certainty I could feel in my bones that Walt would never let me go.
He was going to kill me one day.
The only thing I could do was make sure Tessa wasn’t there to witness it.
It would gut me, and I’d live the rest of my short life soulless and empty, the promise of dying being my only reward.
But I now had it in my power to make sure she wouldn’t suffer the same fate.
She was young; she’d forget me eventually.
I never would though.
At least, this way, I could let go and allow death to swallow me with the vision of her smiling branded on the backs of my eyelids.
Sobbing, I rose to my feet with her snuggled in my arms. “Mama’s gonna take care of this, baby,” I whispered, carrying her to my bed. “You’re gonna be okay.”
I climbed into bed, held her impossibly tight, and cried myself to sleep, mourning the loss of my only child.
Ten days later…
“Calm down,” Roman urged.
“Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.”
“Elisabeth,” he called, shaking my shoulders.