It was bad enough that my eyes were bloodshot from crying. I couldn’t hide that any more than I could the gash in my hairline being held together with three butterfly bandages, but the last thing I wanted was to talk about it, so I needed to at least sound okay.
The gym was my escape. I hated working out as much as the next girl, but it was the only place I was able to erase the rest of my fucked-up life.
Tessa lunged from my arms, diving toward Luke.
He eagerly caught her and poked her belly, blowing a raspberry against her cheek. He was so good with her. Too good, probably.
I gently pulled her back into my arms and smoothed her blond curls down as I avoided his gaze. “Do you still have time for me tonight? I mean…I can always reschedule. Maybe I’ll just work on cardio. I could use some time—”
He interrupted my rambling with a loud laugh. “Nope. Not happening. Give it up now, Clare. You’re not getting out of leg day.”
“Right. Leg day,” I mumbled under my breath.
My whole body ached, my ribs were screaming just from holding Tessa, and the bruises on my thighs were probably already purple, but I would have spent my entire life doing legs if it meant I didn’t have to go home.
My chin quivered as I finally looked up into his kind eyes.
He was almost successful in hiding his flinch. He sucked in a hard breath and blew it out on a curse. “Jesus, Clare,” he whispered, aiming a comforting hand at my shoulder.
I ducked out of his reach. The gym might have been my sanctuary, but I wasn’t free there. Someone was watching me.
Always watching.
“Legs. We should probably get started,” I squeaked.
His handsome face hardened as he crossed his thick arms over his chest. “Maybe we should go to my office and go over your meal plan instead.”
I shook my head and wiped a stray tear off my cheek with my shoulder. “We just made a new meal plan last week. It’s leg day, Luke.” I curved my lips up in something I hoped would pass as a smile. “We do legs on leg day.”
The muscles on his jaw ticked as he stared at me, pity filling his eyes until he finally relented, raking a hand through his dark-blond hair. “Son of a bitch.” He tipped his chin toward the childcare door. “Go. Get her settled. I’ll meet you over at the mats.”
Luke had been my personal trainer for three months, and in that time, he’d learned the gig. I could tell it killed him each time I came into the gym with fresh injuries or tear-stained cheeks. But he kept his opinions to himself and read between the lines, never pressuring me to spill my guts but asking just enough questions to remind me that decent people existed.
He was an incredibly nice guy. And, in another life, I would have even gone so far as to say he was sexy, too. But I didn’t live in a world where I was allowed to focus on anything but keeping myself alive and my daughter safe. He was only filling in for Cindy until she got back from maternity leave. And, truthfully, Walt probably already wanted to kill him just for having contact with me, but I’d have done whatever I had to in order to keep him off my husband’s radar. And that included leg day.
Walt was insistent that I keep myself in shape, but he hated when I spent too much time outside the house.
And he really hated it when I took Tessa with me.
I’d always thought he feared that, if I had her with me, I might never come back.
And he would have been absolutely correct.
There was nothing I wouldn’t have done to get away from him.
Anything except actually leaving.
I’d tried that twice. And the scars of those nights still covered my body, both inside and out.
Turning him in to the police wasn’t an option, either, though. He’d made sure I had more than enough of his sludge on my hands to put me away for life.
And then where would that have left Tessa? Alone with a monster.
I’d never wanted children with Walt, but he had been adamant that we start a family. And, as his wife, it had been my duty to provide him with one.
I’d cried month after month when those pregnancy tests had come back negative—they were tears of joy. I hated my life, and the thought of forcing an innocent child to join me in Hell seemed like a tragedy.
Unfortunately, Walt took our problems to the professionals.
I’d never forget how numb I felt as a reproductive endocrinologist smiled at me from across the desk, promising he’d help us.
I sobbed, hoping he couldn’t.
After a round of in vitro fertilization, in which two embryos were transferred into my uterus, I prayed harder than ever before that it wouldn’t take.
But I guessed God wasn’t taking requests that day.
Nine months later, we welcomed Tessa into our lives.
It wasn’t fair to her. But I’d have done it all over again. That little girl saved my life.
And, no matter how long it would take me, I’d find a way to save hers.
After dropping Tessa off, I stiffly made my way over to the mats.
“Change of plans. It’s arm day,” Luke announced.
I winced, lowering myself to the mat. “I appreciate the concern. But I assure you legs would be easier.”