“That’s not what he wants.”
I grabbed Jared’s hand, seeing the dark silhouette of the police officer. The windshield wipers knocked back and forth as we waited for his approach. He knocked on Jared’s window with the butt of his flashlight.
“Officer,” Jared said, pressing the button for the window. The dark glass buzzed as it lowered and then disappeared, revealing a face I had longed to see again.
“Ryan!” I yelped. My mouth fell open in utter shock.
“Good evening, Nina. I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask you to step out of the vehicle.”
“Don’t be an ass. It’s raining,” Jared said.
Ryan nodded. “Just accompany me to the cruiser, Ma’am,” he said, sounding very professional and detached.
I nodded, looking to Jared. “It’s okay. I’ll be right back.” I kissed him, and then scrambled to open the door. I tried to be calm, to preserve Jared’s feelings, but Ryan was just a few feet away. I had been so desperate to see him, and waited so long, any false composure at that moment was impossible.
“Nina,” Jared called after me, but the tires sloshing through the wet pavement as cars passed by drowned out the following words.
It was wrong, but in my haste to speak to Ryan again, I ignored Jared and ran to the cruiser at full speed, paying no attention to the rain.
The air was biting, and the rain instantly dampened my clothes. I yanked open the passenger-side door, assuming it would be as cozy as the Escalade.
It wasn’t.
“Cheese and rice!” I said, crossing my arms and bending at the waist. “You could hang meat in here!”
“Sorry,” Ryan said, turning up the heat. “I keep it cool so I can wear my coat. Can’t really waste time putting it on before I make a stop.”
I laughed once. “A cop?”
“Yeah.” He smiled and looked down. “Yeah.”
“I guess this means you’re not coming back to Brown.”
“Looks that way,” he said without humor.
He was thicker than I remembered, but his face was thin. Lean was probably a better word. A hardened expression replaced his sweet smile. He appeared older; a long, weary line of disappointment and horrendous experiences no man should ever have to encounter reflected in his once bright, green eyes.
By his hesitation alone, I could tell the effort to pull me over wasn’t due to the anticipation of a happy reunion.
“You stopped writing.”
“I did,” he admitted. “I used to sit on a dune and watch the sun set, thinking about you…writing half of what I wanted. That was my nightly routine for a long time.”
“My postman has some explaining to do.”
“I only sent a few of them. I was in love with you for a long time, Nina.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying the swallow the lump that had formed in my throat. It was pointless to apologize after what I had done to him, but the words fell out of my mouth.
“Why? I’m not the first guy to go war after my heart got broken. Half of my buddies wrote home to girls that didn’t love them back. Some of them had girls that quit waiting. I was one of the lucky ones, even though your smile haunted me for a long time.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I said, wrinkling my nose.
“No,” he said, matter-of-factly. “After leaving, going half-way across the world, I still missed you. I didn’t think it would ever go away. But something changed, Nina.”
“Oh?”
Ryan smiled. “I quit loving you.”
I nodded, my feelings conflicted. A small part of me was hurt, and maybe a bit jealous that he had finally gotten over me. The rest of me was overjoyed. “That’s…good? I guess?”
“No, that’s wrong. I still love you. I will always love you as my friend. But I’m in love with someone else.”
A grin streaked across my face for a fleeting moment. “That’s exciting. Do I know her?”
“Actually…I think you do. And I need your help.”
“Anything. I sort of owe you, don’t I?”
Ryan sighed, nodding. “That’s where I was going with this.” He paused for a moment. “You ever get the feeling you’re never alone? I mean, even when you are.”
His words spoke to every moment of my life, but I remained quiet.
Ryan ignored my silence. “Do you remember the night Jared came into the bar? And the last night we were together?”
My heart began to pound. I didn’t know what direction the conversation had taken, but I felt instantly uncomfortable. “What about it?”
“I remember three things about both of those nights: Jared’s sister, how strong she was, and those crazy blue eyes. Everyone else says I’m crazy, Nina…but you…you I know will understand.”
“Don’t be so sure,” I said, feigning bewilderment.