Jayden shrugs. “I have my ways,” she remarks.
I growl, sick of that answer. She used it with the ID.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
She turns, her eyes angry. “I said don’t worry about it. I don’t need your judgment. I get things we need using what I have to my advantage. I survive,” she mutters the last part, pointing at her sweaty chest with determination.
“You use what to your—” I pause as she throws her hands out to her sides, showcasing herself. Her body.
“You mean you sleep with men?” I frown and bite my inner cheek at the thought of her sleeping around to pay our rent. The feeling of guilt riddles up my spine. I should have taken better care of her , tried harder to get a job.
I open my glossy eyes and find a confident Jayden, waiting for my reply with her hands on her hips. I tilt my head to the side, curious how she’s so sure of herself and the way she goes about it. I sold myself to Chasen. I just sold my virginity to Landon, and I feel so shameful I can’t even look at myself.
I don’t see my life getting any better than this. I have no job. I got a shitty education, and no man is committing himself to me. I’m white trash, and that’s all I will have in my future. My life has never been smooth sailing. I’m programmed for only the worst things the world has to offer. It makes me question who the hell my mother was, and the karma she left in her trail. I guess I can’t ever say she never gave me anything.
“Like I said, Charlie, I don’t need your judgment,” Jayden snaps, catching me from my thoughts. I sigh and shove my hands down my chest, pulling out the stacks of cash, revealing my own sins.
“What the fuck is that?” Jayden exclaims, rushing to my bed.
I shake my head, eyeing the money and laughing nervously. “I used what I have to my advantage.” Jayden’s eyes shoot to mine in knowing before she falls back on my bed in a fitful of laughter.
“It’s not funny, Jayden,” I respond seriously, slapping her leg to get her attention. “I feel…” I stop short, closing my eyes.
The bed dips when Jayden sits up, and her hand rubs my back. “Don’t feel ashamed, Charlie,” she comforts, her tone soothing.
“But I do. I feel disgusting. I—” I pause. “I feel cheap, and I feel used.”
Jayden grabs my face harshly, making me look her in the eyes. “Charlie, we need money to survive. We have no food, and the landlord is itching to kick us out. We can’t get jobs. We are fucked. We do what we need to so we can live. Don’t feel ashamed of yourself for living,” she justifies, her soft tone gone. “It gets easier, I promise.”
I pull my head from her grip, looking at the new sheets I bought from the extra money Chasen gave me. The feeling of being worthless is ruthless, a pain riddling in my gut that’s shameful. But all the things I have from it… clothes, a phone, food, even our rent is caught up.
“I can’t lie. Having the money after something that seems so insignificant such as sex—”
“It’s nice, right?” Jayden laughs. “I always find the hottest guys. It’s like a challenge, ya know?” I raise a brow at her goals in life. “They usually pay the most, surprisingly.”
“How long have you done this?” I ask, my eyebrows narrowed.
Jayden shrugs, picking the fray of her shorts. “Whenever I needed to,” she responds, like she’s talking about coloring her hair. I shake my head and look at the counter of food. It’s disappearing quickly.
“Did you see that woman they were pulling out of the trash?” I question, changing the subject.
Jayden closes her eyes and runs her hand through her crazy hair. “I did,” she replies grimly.
“She was a prostitute,” I point out.
“Gah, I hate that word,” Jayden growls, shaking her head.
I shrug. “It is what it is, Jayden; no need to sugarcoat it.” I look up at her, my jaw clenched. “I’m a whore. A prostitute. I sleep with men and get paid for it,” I whisper. Finally voicing the truth of what I am, what I’m destined for hurts, but not as bad as it should. I know I should try again at finding a job. But I know I won’t, I can’t. Jayden and I are on the run, and my resources are limited. Screwing men for money puts food on the table and keeps us off the radar.
“I prefer ‘escort’,” Jayden huffs, leaning back on my bed.
“Some woman told me if I was going to work the streets, I needed protection. She told me I should go to a motel and ask for a guy name Mick,” I inform her, fidgeting with the money on the bed. If Jayden is going to do this, I’d rather her not do it behind my back and get hurt in the process. I’d rather her be safe, that we were both safe. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her. She’s the only family I have.