She ended up wearing Raj’s T-shirt over her bra. Her panties were a lost cause, and she decided against pulling on a fresh pair when they’d certainly end up as damp. The decision made her feel naughty and sexy—she couldn’t wait for Raj to discover her small secret.
Shivering inwardly, she stepped to the kitchenette with his large male presence by her side. He surprised her with how comfortable he was with the preparations. Unlike her father, he didn’t simply sit down and expect her to get everything on the table. He actively helped—and it made her wonder what he’d be like as a husband.
Unsettled by the rogue thought, she said, “Will coming down to see me put you behind schedule?”
“If it was for an entire week, yes, but a few days I can catch up over a weekend day or two.” After taking a sip of water he added, “I told my parents I was coming to see you.”
Nayna winced. “Your folks are very traditional, Raj.” She was probably a fallen woman in their eyes now, branded a bright scarlet. “And they’ve undoubtedly told my parents.”
“I’m sure both are deluding themselves that we’re just talking,” Raj said with that slow smile that made her stomach go into free fall. “That’s what I said I was coming to you to do—talk.”
Nayna grinned. “Do you think they actually believe that for a second?”
A masculine shrug, accompanied by an even deeper smile. “It doesn’t matter. We’re getting married anyway, so everyone’s going to look the other way.”
A tightness in Nayna’s chest, her plastic fork falling to the table. “Raj, just because we were… together doesn’t mean I’ve decided I’m ready for marriage.”
No scowl, no anger, just an intensity of eye contact from a man she already knew could be bullheaded when it suited him. “You waited twenty-eight years to sleep with a man. Do you truly believe you’re a woman who can take this anything but dead seriously?”
The words shook her. Because they were on the mark.
The idea of being naked with anyone but Raj, it made her stomach roil.
She picked up the fork with care and took a bite, chewed, before answering. “I don’t know who and what I am.” The words poured out from where they’d been stored for fourteen long years. “All I’ve ever done is try not to be like my sister. Following the rules because she broke the rules. Fighting to make my parents happy because she made them so sad. Doing my best to be a good girl because she was a bad girl.”
Her breath turned fast and shallow under the weight of a crushing realization she’d been struggling against for far too long. “I’m a negative of a person, Raj. I sometimes wonder who I would’ve become if Madhuri hadn’t run off at nineteen.”
She squeezed the fork. “If she hadn’t, would I still be this Nayna? Would I be the woman who’s never left home even to go on a short trip to another country with her friends? Would I be the accountant who wears boring suits and dresses that aren’t too short?” Bandage dress excepted. “Would I be the Nayna everyone can rely on to do exactly as she should?”
Her voice had risen with each word, until she couldn’t stand the pressure anymore and rose, began to pace around the room. Plastic fork still in hand, she gesticulated up at the ceiling. “Who the hell am I?” she yelled out to the heavens. “No one knows!” Her gaze connected with Raj’s. “Do you see me?” Harsh words, but fear tangled around her. “Or do you see the woman you want to see?”
Raj’s face was impossible to read, his body held loosely—but she saw the rigidity of his biceps, heard the fierce control in his voice. “What are you going to do?” Soft words, emotion locked down tight.
Nayna wanted to throw the lightweight fork at him, crack that shell. “I hate living alone,” she blurted out, gesturing around the cabin. “It’ll make me painfully unhappy long term, but I’m going to move out.” She hadn’t understood until right this instant that she’d made the call.
“I’ve had the goddamn sword of Damocles hanging over my head my entire adult life! Break a rule and it’ll fall.” Her shoulders sagged, her next words a whisper. “So let it fall.” At least she’d know then. No more wariness, no more toeing the line to stave off rejection.
Surely Aji would still love her, she comforted herself.
A muscle throbbed in Raj’s jaw. “Is there room in this new life of yours for me? Or were you telling the truth the night we met and you only ever wanted me for my body?”
He was angry, she realized. Very, very angry. She should’ve felt afraid but she didn’t. He had himself ruthlessly in check. And though she wanted to jump on the offer and never let him go, she had no right to stomp on his dreams. “You want a wife, Raj.” His assumption that their intimacy could have only one end underlined that searing truth. “You want tradition and marriage and a life rooted in community.”
Her eyes burned. “I would make you so unhappy.” It sickened her to think of this beautiful bright thing between them going to rot in the face of divergent dreams; she couldn’t bear to see Raj look at her in resentment. “We should end this before it hurts any more.”
Raj looked at her, all clenched muscles and fury before he rose and went to his duffel. Back to her and breath harsh, he pulled out a fresh T-shirt and shrugged into it. He had his feet in his sneakers and was walking out the door before she knew quite what was going on.
The door shut behind him, leaving her in echoing silence.
Only his scent remained, rich and masculine and clinging to her like a kiss.
Nayna burst into tears.
* * *
Raj had no idea where he was going, but he turned left after he came out of the cabin and went down the path marked out by the beaten-down grass. A sign appeared about a hundred meters in. It indicated that this track led to a large waterfall and that it would take him an hour to make the return trip.
He set off, more than willing to burn off his emotions with the physical. Native birds sang around him, and the sun speared through the forest, but he saw none of the beauty, felt none of the calm. His heart was thunder, his skin so tight he felt it would burst if he clenched his muscles any harder.
Nayna had been a virgin. She hadn’t slept with anyone all this time—and he’d thought that she was choosing him. And she had, but only for her first time. Not forever. Fight for me, he’d begged her silently. But Nayna wasn’t trying to hold on to him any way she could; she was ready and willing to walk away.
Fuck, his throat was closing up.
Bending over with his hands on his thighs, he breathed through the burn at the backs of his irises, breathed through the tearing in two of his heart. He’d had to leave the cabin before he splintered right in front of her.
So what are you going to do, Raj? asked the part of him that had come here with the secret, beautiful dream of taking her home as his bride. Leave her? Try to find another wife?
Raj rose, shoved a hand through his hair. As if that was even an option. Nayna Sharma was his forever. No woman could make him so happy… or hurt him so badly. She was light and laughter and sinful smiles that held him captive. He couldn’t imagine doing with anyone else what he’d done in that cabin with her.
The idea of waking up next to her for a lifetime, it filled all the hollow places inside him.
But to Nayna, was he freedom and love and happiness… or was he a cage?
29
Nayna Sharma, the T-Shirt Thief
Nayna didn’t know what to do.
Her lower lip trembled every time she thought of Raj walking out.
Desperate not to be here when he returned in case he just picked up his bag and left—like she’d told him to—she cleaned herself up and put on a fresh pair of panties and her jeans, along with one of her own T-shirts. Raj’s T-shirt she folded and was about to put on the bed when she hesitated… and decided to hide it instead.