Putting down the pen, she glanced at the clock. It was seven and she should probably go home. Instead, she picked up the phone and spoke to the married couple who were her bosses. Then, laptop and purse slung over her shoulder, she went on an emergency run to a mall that was still open, grabbing a bite to eat along the way. After which she drove to ísa’s apartment building and parked in one of the external guest spots.
And just sat in her car, staring at the steering wheel.
Anger and frustration and sadness and raw need churned inside her.
Tap, tap.
Nayna jumped, looked up to see ísa’s face outside the window. Heart thudding, she scrambled out of the car. “You gave me such a fright. I was away with the fairies.”
“How long have you been waiting?” Her best friend was dressed in work clothes and carrying her satchel, so she must’ve only now returned home.
“Not long, just five minutes,” Nayna said and the two of them chatted while going up to ísa’s apartment.
Once inside, ísa made them a pot of tea as they continued to talk. Then her best friend’s face took on a stubborn cast. “Now sit,” she ordered Nayna. “Talk.”
Nayna slumped into the sofa, ísa beside her. “I need to get away.” She hadn’t understood that until she’d been sitting in her office, figuring out how she could avoid going home. “You know what I’ve realized? Raj is obstinate as hell in a quiet way. He’s decided on me and he’s not budging.” It felt so beautiful to be wanted that openly; if only that could fix everything.
“And you’re not sure yet?” ísa asked.
“I want to strip him naked and jump his bones like a sex maniac,” Nayna admitted because this was ísa, from whom she had no secrets. “Plus it turns out I like his brains.” She took a big gulp of the tea. “But there’s all this other stuff in my head that’s making it hard to think.”
Unable to sit still, she slammed the cup on the table and rose, started to walk back and forth. Her breathing came out short and sharp, her blood roaring in her ears. “Last night I got home to find my sister sitting at the kitchen table again, chatting away to my father. I love her, but at that instant I wanted to scream at her for ruining my life.”
Her body trembled. “And that was when I realized she hadn’t done anything to me.” It had been a ringing slap that stunned.
Nayna had walked quietly through to her room and just sat on her bed for ten long minutes, staring at the wall and seeing her own blindness. “This is my life, and I’m the one who’s screwed it up.” It had been a powerful insight, one that had made her face up to her own mistakes, her own lack of courage.
For better or worse, Madhuri had made her choices.
Fourteen-year-old Nayna’d had good reason to resent her sister. She’d lost her freedom to be a teenager because of Madhuri, had never had the chance to make teenage memories of the kind Madhuri had taken for granted.
But Nayna was an adult now, and she was still blaming her sister for her own life.
That was bullshit.
Slumping back into the sofa, she folded her arms. “I’m taking some extra vacation time, getting the hell out of here so I can clear my head. I’ve already okayed it with my bosses.” With the hours she’d put in pre-Christmas and over the past couple of days, her work was more than up to date and she’d be available to them by phone should they need her; she also had more than enough vacation time banked.
“Where are you going?” ísa asked, protective as a mama bear.
“Here.” Nayna used her phone to forward the booking to ísa; she did want someone to know her whereabouts should she go missing or get eaten by a possum.
ísa made sure the details had downloaded before she said, “If Raj tracks me down and asks?”
Nayna had zero self-control where Raj was concerned; he looked at her and she melted. “You know nothing.”
“Got it.”
After drinking some more of the tea, Nayna raised an eyebrow. “So, you’re going camping?” Her friend had messaged her about the family camping trip to which Raj’s friend Sailor Bishop had invited her.
“I hate you.” ísa’s glare was pure death. “I’m doing it for love.”
Snort-laughing and deliriously glad for the distraction, Nayna said, “Don’t forget the toilet paper.”
They talked more, of fears and hopes and pain. Nayna’s heart ached for what ísa was struggling with when it came to Sailor. He sounded like a really good guy—but one who had dreams that threatened to break ísa’s heart. Nayna’s parents might be too involved, but ísa’s were the other extreme. Except for a beautiful and happy few years with her own aji, Nayna’s best friend had grown up alone but for a few nannies.
Rain came down in a hard burst beyond the windows, blurring the night.
“Fuck the tea,” Nayna muttered on a burst of aggravation. “Where’s the tequila? I’ll sleep over.” She’d bought a small roll-on case at the mall, then filled it with necessary toiletries, a pair of pj’s, and a couple of changes of clothes. She had a spare set of canvas trainers in back of her car for when she wanted to run errands after work and didn’t want to wear heels. Anything she’d forgotten, she’d borrow off ísa.
She had no plans to go home again until she’d figured out her messed-up head. She sent through a quick message to her mother to say she’d be spending the night at ísa’s.
“Tequila as ordered.” ísa held up a bottle triumphantly.
Nayna found the salt.
The first shot burned like fire.
The second not so much.
By the third, they were giggling and ísa was muttering about romantic cactuses.
“It’s cacti,” Nayna said with a burp. “I think.”
“Cac…tiiiii,” ísa sounded out slowly. “Dating a gardener is uh-mazing! He gives me cactuses. Be careful,” she said solemnly. “They prick if you’re naked.”
Nayna wasn’t sure if it was after the fourth or the fifth shot, but at some point she dialed Raj’s number.
“Hi,” she said when he answered. “I want to lick your abs.”
“I could be persuaded,” he said and she thought he might be smiling. “Especially since I’ve just showered off the day so I’m clean for your tongue.”
“I don’t mind sweaty.” She crunched a potato chip, then dug her hand into the bag for another one. “How come you’re so cute?”
“Mere jaanam, are you drunk?”
“No.” She hiccupped, decided to take another sip of tequila to wash down the potato chip. “Only had a few drinks.”
“Of what?”
“You called me your darling.” She blew him a noisy kiss. “You’re my jaanu too.”
“Nayna, baby, what are you drinking?”
“Tequila!” she whooped, and beside her, ísa gave a battle cry.
“Are you in a bar?” Raj asked, his tone rougher. “Do you two need a ride home?”
She crunched more potato chips. “Will you be half-naked when you come? I want a half-naked taxi driver. With romantic cactuses.”
“Cac-tiiiiii,” ísa whispered loudly.
“Nayna, focus. Where are you?”
Nayna stuck out her tongue at the phone. “He wants to know where we are,” she said to ísa without removing the phone from her ear.
“Home!” ísa yelled too loudly toward the phone. “We’re at home!”
“See?” Nayna said into the phone. “We’re at home like I said.” Her brain was a little fuzzy, and she wanted to make sure she didn’t forget to tell him the most important thing, so she said, “I want to lick your abs.”
“Anytime,” Raj answered, and she was eighty-nine percent sure he was laughing. “Can I lick yours in return?”
Nayna pulled up the sleep T-shirt she’d borrowed from ísa because she couldn’t be bothered going down to her car to get her stuff. Above her panties, her belly curved softly. “I don’t have any,” she said sadly. “It’s all soft.” She poked at it. “My panties are orange.”
A harsh groan down the line. “Jaan, don’t drive tonight.”
“Duh. I’m staying at ísa’s.” Pushing down the T-shirt, she said, “Will you teach me how to have abs?”
“No. I like you soft.”
Nayna smiled and kicked her feet… and took the drink ísa held out. Her friend’s face was a little red. Maybe she was drunk. Giggling at the thought, Nayna said, “You’re so pretty, Raj. I’m gonna have sex dreams about you.”
Then she hung up and threw back the shot.
“Sex dreams!” ísa fell off the sofa laughing.
Cracking up at her friend’s expression, Nayna swigged directly from the bottle of tequila and decided she would lick Raj’s abs twice.
* * *