“She won’t understand,” Talia answers. “Mack has never understood. She’ll want the girl back that she lost. But I’m not her anymore. I’ll never be her again.”
“So you’re just going to let her think you’re dead?” I stare at her in disbelief. “She was your best friend.”
Talia doesn’t reply. She’s got her armor in place, and none of my words are getting through it.
“I’m going to tell her,” I say. “She’s my friend too. And I can’t let her go on thinking that you’re dead when you’re not. It isn’t right.”
“Do what you have to,” Talia answers.
Her tone is dismissive, and I don’t have the energy to keep arguing. She’s done with this conversation, and so am I. I edge back towards the door, but before I go, I ask her the only thing that matters.
“Are you okay here? Are you safe?”
Her face softens a fraction, and her voice is sincere. “Yes. Alexei is very good to me. I don’t want to leave him.”
“Okay,” I answer. “Would you like my number though? Just in case?”
She shakes her head.
So I walk out the door.
***
It’s been over three hours since the doctor passed me on the stairs.
Magda patched up my wounds as promised and then allowed me to sneak back up here and wait. I haven’t heard a peep from Ronan’s room, other than the soft murmur of voices and the sound of a heart monitor. It’s the only thing keeping me calm, that sound. On occasion, Franco leaves the room to retrieve something or other. And I’m honestly amazed at the medical equipment they have here. He wheeled an IV stand down the hall earlier, along with some other machines I didn’t recognize.
It makes me feel a little better, but I still won’t relax until they tell me he’s okay. Until I can look at his face and see those soft brown eyes staring back at me. The man whose barriers I never thought I could breach. The one who told me he loved me today. The father of my baby.
My head is propped against the wall when the door opens and Rory finally comes out. He reaches down to help me up.
“He’s going to be okay, Sash,” he says. “You can come and see him now.”
“Are you sure?” I ask as I move alongside him. “Are you sure they’ve done everything they should? What about antibiotics? He could get an infection, or he might need more tests…”
“Sasha.” Rory stops and grabs me by the arms to look at me. “That doctor in there is a real surgeon. She works for Alexei, and she knows what she’s doing. Ronan has had the very best care. Even better than he’d get at the hospital.”
“They have a lot of medical stuff here,” I note.
“Aye,” he agrees. “As you can imagine, they need it from time to time.”
The door opens ahead of us and Alexei, Franco and the doctor filter out of the room. Rory looks at me and gestures for me to go inside.
“I’ll give you some privacy,” he says.
“Thank you.”
I move toward the door frame and hesitate. I’m afraid to look. Afraid of what I’ll see. I know they said he’s going to be okay, but I’m so anxious I can’t help it.
But when I see Ronan lying there in stable condition, my shoulders sag in relief. I walk over and sit beside him on the bed. He opens his eyes to meet mine, and then his hand finds mine beside him.
“Sasha.”
The way he says my name is full of reverence. My answer is a jerky nod with big fat tears falling down my face. He gestures for me to lay down beside him and I curl into his side, surrounding myself in his warmth.
“You scared me,” I tell him. “I don’t like this, Ronan.”
“I’m sorry,” he answers.
“We’re having a baby,” I say. “I can’t be going through this all the time. I need to know that you’re going to come home to me every night. This wondering if you’re going to live or die all the time, it’s too much.”
Ronan nuzzles against my cheek and then kisses my forehead. For someone who has never been shown affection in his life, he’s learning how to comfort me rather quickly.
“Sasha, I can’t leave the syndicate,” he replies. “But I will never leave you either. Ye’re everything to me.”
“I love you,” I tell him. “I love you so frigging much, Ronan. I just don’t know how I’m going to do this. I don’t know if I can handle it.”
He holds me tighter and squeezes, his breath blowing across my face when he whispers his only assurance.
“I’ll always come back to ye. Nothing could keep me away.”
Then his hand moves over my stomach, and something changes in his features. Where before he was terrified, there’s now a flash of pride there.
“And our child too.”
I lean in and graze his lips with mine, and his hand tangles in my hair, deepening the kiss. This kiss conveys all the words he can’t say aloud. Like how scared he was to lose me too. And how without a shadow of a doubt I am his now. When he breaks away, his eyes are soft and open.
“I haven’t any bloody idea how to be a father,” he admits. “I’m afraid I’ll botch the job beyond repair.”