“I just want ye to know what ye’re getting yourself into here Sasha,” Lachlan says. “Ronan needs stability in his life. And if ye’re planning on leaving like you say, then the best thing you can do for him is to leave him be. For him to open up to you and then have ye walk away, I fear it will do him more harm than good. And I won’t stand for that.”
I blink back my tears as I process his words. He’s right. I didn’t plan on staying. I still don’t. So I should stay far away from Ronan, and hope that he can overcome these issues on his own. But the thought of that causes a deep well of despair to spring up inside of me.
“I just want to lay beside him,” I tell Lachlan. “For the night. Until he’s better.”
He nods and then makes a gesture with his hand. “Well go on then,” he says. “I’ll be here if ye need me.”
“You’re going to stay here?” I ask.
“Aye.” He nods. “He’s my brother. I’ll be here until I know he’s okay.”
I give him a small smile and pad down the hall. Ronan’s still asleep, my blankets folded over the lower half of his body. I crawl into bed beside him and curl up against his chest, breathing him in. And even though I know what Lachlan said is true, and it’s the right thing to do, I don’t want to let him go.
And yet when I wake up the next morning, only to find the space beside me empty and every trace of him gone, I’m not in the least surprised.
Chapter Thirteen
Ronan
“Have ye any idea how bad you’ve fucked this, Fitz?” Crow asks again.
I focus my attention on the dog in my lap, the one staring at me with the big brown eyes.
“I don’t know where the bleeding hell your head’s at lately,” he continues. “Are ye trying to get yourself killed?”
I don’t answer.
Mack walks down the hallway and sits down on the sofa beside me. She hasn’t let Crow out of her sight since that night he fought for her. I still don’t particularly care for her, but I do believe she’s proved to be loyal to Crow now.
“It’s a nice place you got here, Ronan,” she says. “Although, it could do with a woman’s touch.”
The dog in my lap barks in agreement, and Mack smiles.
“I didn’t take you for a dog person,” she says.
“I’m not,” I tell her.
Crow is staring at the two of us, shaking his head.
“Do ye have any other pressing concerns to discuss?” he asks. “How about the shade of your curtains? I don’t think it suits the goddamn sofa.”
Mack laughs. “Cut him some slack, Lach,” she says. “Ronan looks like he’s having a bad day.”
“This is why women don’t attend business meetings,” Crow says in response.
“I wanted to see where he lived,” she argues. “I didn’t realize it was just down the street.”
“You’d do well to forget it,” I tell her. “Nobody else needs to know it.”
Crow glares at me.
“C’mon, Mack. Let’s go.”
“I think I’ll stay here for a bit,” she says. “With my old buddy Ronan. I don’t feel like going to the club just yet.”
Crow glances at me, and I shrug. I don’t want her here, but I’ve learned to pick my battles with this one.
“You’ll bring her along after?” he asks.
“Aye.”
“Have Rory come too,” Crow says. “I don’t want you going out alone until we find Andrei.”
“I don’t need a bleeding escort,” I reply.
“It wasn’t a request,” Crow answers.
Mack walks him to the door where they participate in another display of shite I have no need to see. So I busy myself in the kitchen feeding the dog until he’s gone. But if I was hoping for a respite from Mack, she isn’t giving me one.
“Whatcha doing?” she asks as she sits down at the table.
“Feeding the dog.”
“Obviously.” She laughs. “So what’s the deal with you and Sash?”
I blink at her, wondering what she knows. All of the things Sasha could have told her filter through my head, and it makes me angry. She’s laughing at me. Because I embarrassed myself.
“Relax, Ronan,” Mack says. “It’s just that I’ve noticed you’ve both been more screwy than usual lately. I mean I know she has a reason, with her mom and all. But what’s the deal?”
“I don’t know.”
I haven’t any idea why I’m even indulging her with this line of questioning. But there is a part of me, a small part of me, that wants to ask her some things. I take the box of donuts from the cupboard and set them on the table. When Mack spots them, she grins and it makes me uncomfortable.
“Did you know I was coming?” she asks.
“Crow told me.”
“And you bought me donuts,” she coos. “Aw, Ronan, you’re the best.”
She springs up on her feet and tries to hug me. I bat her away.
“I sent Conor out for them this morning. Go hug him.”
The next minute, she’s sitting at the table shoveling a donut into her mouth.
“Look,” she says between mouthfuls. “You can talk to me, Ronan, you know? You don’t even have to bribe me with donuts although it certainly does help.”
I sit down across from her and fold my hands. I don’t even know where to begin. Or what to say.
“Just one sentence,” Mack insists. “The first thing that comes to your mind. And go.”
“I don’t know what she wants,” I tell her.