Somewhere in the chaos, he unzips his pants. I pull up my skirt and tug my panties aside. There’s a moment of hesitation on his part. And I know it’s so wrong. My boyfriend is lying dead on the other side of the room. Where Ronan just killed him. He’s still covered in his blood. And now we’re trying to fuck right here in the aftermath. I’m so broken. So fucked up to want this. I don’t feel anything over the loss of Blaine, but I know that I want this. That I might die if I don’t have it right now.
I reach down and touch him. He’s thick and hot, and I want him inside of me. Ronan makes another agonized sound as I guide him there. I wrap my legs around him and he sinks all the way in. He fucks me in a jerky and uncoordinated rhythm. But when I reach up to touch his face, he pauses.
“Don’t,” I tell him.
He can’t stop now. I won’t let him.
The feelings I have for this man at times are unexplainable. I’m drawn to him. I always have been. But this is something else altogether. This is pure physics. He’s the lightning, and I am simply a conductor. We were always bound to converge.
When he moves again, he’s looking down at me with uncertainty even as he thrusts inside of me. I don’t care. I can’t think straight. About anything. He pushes, and I give way. My body melts into the floor, yielding to him completely. I barely touch myself, and I explode around him.
The resulting tremors that move through me cause Ronan’s entire body to jerk as he collapses forward and comes inside of me. The whole event couldn’t have lasted more than five minutes, but I can’t recall a time in my life where anything ever felt so good.
Until he pulls away like I’m toxic, threatening to pollute him too. His eyes move towards the door, then back to me. And then he says the first and only word he’s ever spoken to me. A bullet to my heart at point blank range.
“Leave.”
***
I wake up in a cold sweat, tangled up inside of my bedsheets. Confusion takes over when I sit up and glance around the room. I’m still wearing my yoga pants and a sweatshirt, but Ronan’s jacket is hung on the back of my bedroom door. I don’t remember putting it there. I don’t remember coming inside at all.
The faintest hint of malt liquor lingers on my sweatshirt and I bring it to my nose and inhale. It’s fresh. I scrub the sleep from my eyes and shake my head as I glance at the clock. It’s only six am. I haven’t had nearly enough sleep. But I get up anyway and pad down the hall to mom’s room. I just want to be near her now. And forget everything else.
Chapter Five
Sasha
It’s my day off, and even though I resolved that I wasn’t going to take the pills unless I was working, I’m too tired to function. I can’t get to sleep anymore. It doesn’t come, no matter how exhausted I am.
When my head hits the pillow, I just lay there and think about my Ma. About what my life is going to be like when she’s gone. I had to call Emily and tell her it was time to come home. It’s only made everything that much more real.
That’s what my excuse is when I reach into my purse to pull out the pill bottle. I’ve been full of excuses lately. But I don’t really give a shit either. I’m doing the best that I can to get through the situation.
Only when I pull the bottle from my purse, I stare at it in confusion. Because it’s empty. The lid is screwed on tight, and the pills are gone. It doesn’t make any sense. But my suspicion only grows. Instinctively, my eyes dart to the jacket hanging over my doorknob. The same one I was wearing last night up on the roof. I know I didn’t walk back down here by myself. And I know that Ronan’s scent didn’t just magically appear on my sweatshirt.
And lastly, I know these frigging pills didn’t just get rid of themselves.
But none of it makes any sense. Why would he be here? And an even better question is, how did he know about the pills? No matter which way I spin it, none of it makes a bit of sense.
These questions are all left unanswered when a knock sounds at the front door. I quickly scoop up the empty container and throw it in the garbage before doing a quick once over in the hall mirror.
I’m not expecting anybody, but on occasion the neighbors drop in to see how Ma’s doing. That’s who I assume it is. So when I open my door and find Lachlan Crow standing there, words fail me. He’s technically my boss, and soon to be the new underboss of the MacKenna Syndicate, if the gossip around the club is correct.
But he’s never paid me a house visit before, so when I find him standing here now, I have to admit it makes me a little nervous. I don’t know him that well, but his girlfriend Mack is totally cuckoo for this guy. He’s always been respectful towards me, but it doesn’t change who he is. He’s a mafia guy, through and through. For that reason alone, I try to avoid him.
But I adore Mack. And after recent events with Donovan, I owe her a lot.