Suddenly, Leah gripped my hand harder, stopped dead in her tracks and squeezed until my fingers turned white. The contractions had
started.
"Breathe babe," I said, turning so I could face her. I ran my free hand up and down her arm trying to relax her. Her eyes clamped shut and
every muscle in her body was tense and rigid. She pushed through and after several seconds, her body relaxed and I saw the blue of her eyes
staring back at me.
"You okay?" I asked.
"I think so. And holly hell, contractions are no joke."
I once again wrapped my arm around her shoulder and we proceeded to the check in counter. Since this was the hospital Leah worked at, she was
recognized immediately.
"Is tonight the night, baby girl?" the older woman at the check-in counter asked. I didn't recognize her, and her name tag didn't ring a bell,
but Leah was well known around the hospital. She was always willing to lend a hand, and cared about everyone. She talked tough but she was
nothing but softness on the inside.
"It is," she answered.
"Well, we better get you on up then."
Leah nodded, and shifted slightly. I felt her tense.
"Another one?" I asked.
"No," she answered. "I'm leaking again."
I looked down and she was indeed dribbling. Right on the freshly mopped floor of the Emergency Room.
Leah
Fire.
That's what contractions felt like.
A burning fire in my nether regions and all I wanted to do was cry.
Oh wait, maybe I'd already done that.
Why, why hadn't the anesthesiologist come to give me the happy drugs yet? I hadn't planned on a natural birth. I'd been in enough delivery
rooms to know in advance that this shit hurt.
But, wow. Witnessing it and feeling it were two very different things.
When the contractions came, my stomach would hardened into a stone like mass and that fire I felt burned up my spine like a motherfucker. Add a
bag of pitocin to speed everything along thanks to the gift of my water breaking in the middle of the night and it was like straight-up
hellfire.
Oh shit, here came another one.
I clamped down on Declan's hand again and bless him, I hope I hadn't broken anything yet. He ran his hands along my forehead and kissed my
cheek.
"It's okay, I'm here," he said, bending down which allowed me to wrap my arm around him and bury my head into his shoulder. I'd discovered
after the first few that this was the position I liked best when the waves of pain came--buried into the warmth and security of my husband. No
amount of breathing or Lamaze would ever steady or calm me more than the feel and comforting smell of Declan. He was my anchor.
My nurse, a coworker of mine, popped her head in as the contraction started to pass. Seeing my coworkers working but not working alongside them
was odd. Maybe I should have rethought this whole birthing plan.
"Hey hun, how are you feeling?" Trish asked, her genuine warm smile reminding me I was amongst friends. Friends who would take care of me.
"Wouldn't mind a little spinal action right about now," I answered, attempting a faint smile.
"I'm calling him again. Don't worry, he'll be here in five minutes if I have to go down there and drag his ass up here." Okay, maybe not such a
bad birthing plan.
Within three minutes, both a smug looking Trish and the doctor arrived. My contractions were coming a bit more frequently and after they'd
gotten me hunched over and swabbed my back, he started the process of the epidural. About halfway through, I felt the burn start up, and I
whimpered slightly.
"Declan, I'm getting another one."
He was already at my side, holding my hand. I saw his eyes flare with panic as he looked over my shoulder. He glanced up at Trish.
"We're going to have to keep her steady. He's already started."
There was no timeout. No waiting for the contraction to pass. Nope, that doctor just kept on doing what he was doing while I was expected to
hold completely still through blinding pain. The fire seared up my spine and I gritted my teeth and let my head fall. Declan held onto my right
side, and Trish took my left.
I whimpered through the pain, and as it lessened, the two of them were given the green light to release me. I saw Declan's fist instantly
tighten in anger towards the doctor for causing me such trauma.
"Well, you're all done," the doctor said behind me, and I would have sucker punched him right alongside my husband for making me go through
that, but then something magical occurred.
The epidural kicked in and it was blissful.
Every muscle in my body that had been rigid from pain suddenly relaxed.
I felt instantly relaxed for the first time since I woke up that evening.
God bless the epidural.