“Did you, or did you not turn your bodyguard down so you could go out with Mason?”
“No, you told Egon I wasn’t allowed out on school nights. And I didn’t go out with Mason. I spied on him.”
“And learned that the evil wombat hangs out with the wrong crowd as suspected. Correct?”
“He does. And let me tell you, Scallion is super creepy.”
“Like the Sith, they are,” Kathryn said in a first-rate Yoda voice. “Two there should be— no more, no less. Master and apprentice.”
I shook my head. “Not exactly. You don’t get an army with two.” I pulled an envelope from my backpack and took a piece of paper from inside. “I found a sort of…something…at the police station. I think it may be information Andy’s looking for. It’s from Mr. Munificent.” I had tried to pull the image of Scallion from it again, but that required mundo concentration, and I was just too out of it.
“The dead dude?” Kathryn’s eyes widened. She snatched the paper from me. “Did he write to you from the Great Beyond?”
“No, from the police station.”
“That is just weird.” Kathryn turned the page upside down. “What is it?”
“I don’t know. A sketch, I guess. He wasn’t a very good artist.”
Dr. Miliron clapped his hands and I nearly sullied my undies. “Okay, let’s continue! This is really an intriguing project, class. Those of you who can produce a successful chemical reaction will not only get an A, you will be helping medical research. Our work will benefit the production of an experimental drug used at the Old Torrents Mental Facility.”
“Look at all the pretty colors,” Kathryn squealed, pointing to a group of glass bottles. “Hey, what’s this?” She plucked a bottle labeled DMSO off the workstation shelf and popped the glass stopper. The powerful stench of rotten eggs wafted out. Kathryn touched two fingers to her lips and said in a giggly voice, “Excuse me, I fluffed.”
I choked back a laugh.
“I see you have discovered an important dipolar aprotic solvent from another experiment!” Dr. Miliron sniffed at the air. “It appears our last class failed to put away their dimethyl sulfoxide, or DMSO, also known as methylsulfinylmethane, an all-natural substance derived from the normal decomposition of plants. This wonderful, colorless liquid is readily miscible in water and a wide range of organic compounds, making it extremely useful. Isn’t that exciting? The disadvantage, as you may have guessed, is a rather foul odor, likely due to catabolic processes which reduce DMSO to dimethyl sulfide.”
“What did he say?” Kathryn asked me.
“It stinks.”
Kathryn held the bottle up to the light. “Do we have to use it in the Class Project, Dr. M? It clashes with my Bath and Body Works.”
“Heavens, no, dear,” Dr. Miliron said, prancing across the lab to plant himself at Kathryn’s shoulder. “A single drop of DMSO would contaminate our compounds, rendering them completely useless for the medical field.”
“Our ergot is ready to be boiled,” I whispered to Kathryn. “What’s ergot?”
“Ergot,” Dr. Miliron whispered back, “is the common name of a saprophyte in the genus Claviceps. This particular saprophyte is parasitic on certain grains and grasses. It is, in fact, a sclerotium! This small structure is usually referred to as ergot, although,” he put his hand over his mouth and laughed quietly, “referring to any member of the Claviceps genus as ergot is also correct. Claviceps can affect a number of cereals including rye, wheat, barley, and triticale. It affects oats only rarely.”
“I see,” I said, although I didn’t.
“What did he say?” Kathryn asked when Dr. Miliron had moved on to the next group.
“We’re boiling gookem puckey.”
“I prefer lobster. But I’m flexible.”
As our gookem puckey boiled happily away, Dr. Miliron sprang from group to group explaining in extremely long words how the gunk we were making would be taken to Old Torrents Labs for final processing, then used to help the mentally ill. I personally didn’t see how it would help them do anything but smell like mildew. After what seemed like hours, the bubbling glop at our workstation turned reddish and became thick, like syrup.
“Nice work, Miss Noelle,” a charming voice said from over my shoulder. Mason stood right next to me, staring intently at my beaker. “I had hoped you were this talented.”
“How did you get in here?” My first instinct was to tackle him and tactfully beat out a confession about what happened in the little room beside the SSA after I left. Then I remembered my cover. I needed to be friendly and caring so I could stay close to the filthy wombat.
“I’m the lab assistant. I told you. I thought you knew.”
“Oh, that’s right,” I said, smiling. “I knew.”
“I knew you were an egotistical megalomaniac,” Kathryn said.