His face seemed to relax, then, and he kissed me once more. “I’ll have your things back in your room. I’ll meet you there when you get back.”
I nodded and watched him walk down the hall. Before he turned the corner, he looked back at me and smiled. I waved and extended the handle of my bag, continuing to my seat.
“I came by your room about nine last night. You weren’t there,” Ryan said in a hushed voice, tapping his pen on my desk.
“I was sick last night. I stayed with Jared.”
Ryan’s face turned concerned. “You could have stayed here. I could have kept an eye on you.”
I smiled, knowing he was sincere. I appreciated his attempt to repair our friendship. The bitterness from before was absent from his face, and sitting beside him felt right again.
“I’m fine, now. It was just a bad hangover. I didn’t feel well all day.”
“Yeah, I didn’t feel the greatest, either,” he said, shaking his head.
“And yet you offer to take care of me? That would be a sad sight, both of us lying around, puking our guts out,” I laughed, shaking my head.
Ryan chuckled, taking my paper when the professor instructed the class to pass them to the end of the row. During lecture, a small square of paper landed on my desk. I smiled and pulled open the folds.
It was in Ryan’s chicken scratch.
Will you go to lunch w/me? (circle one)
I’ll lose my appetite if I have to sit across from you.
I already have lunch plans w/my husband.
Of course, I need to practice my slogans.
I wanted to roll my eyes at his childish note, but when I saw the expectant grin on his face, I couldn’t say no. I circled ‘C’, folded it, and tossed it back. Ryan always came up with the silliest things, and I adored that about him. Unbeknownst to him, he was a safe harbor from my other life, the one that had become full of shadows and uncertainty.
I watched him unfold the paper and read my answer. He didn’t look up at me; he folded back the small torn page and stuffed it in his pocket, a wide grin across his face.
After class, Ryan and I walked to The Gate. He was his usual amusing self, and I laughed every step of the way. A few times I noticed he would hug me to him, nudge me, and a few times he led me by the small of my back through the doors he held open. I had the distinct feeling we were on a date, even though that wasn’t the case. The only thing that bothered me was that Ryan’s touch didn’t bother me. It wasn’t the electricity I felt with Jared, but it felt expected, almost comfortable.
I didn’t realize when Ryan asked me to lunch that the entire study group was coming, but I smiled at the friends that filtered in and surrounded us. Over the next hour, we sat hunched over our paper plates of pizza that we balanced on our laps, the boys trying their best to keep their towering stacks of slices from falling to the floor. Ryan and Kim were inexplicably engaged in a contest to see who could take the bigger bite. Our ordinary moment was a welcomed break and I smiled at the laughter saturating the air around me, absorbing the sweet chaos I hadn’t realized I’d missed.
Ryan walked out with me and smiled. “You’re staying here, tonight, huh?”
“I am,” I grinned.
He prolonged our walk with a leisurely pace. “Are you going to study group tonight?”
“Are you?”
He shrugged. “I need to. I was going to ask for your help.”
“You need more help than I can give you, but I’ll do my best.”
Ryan kept his hands in his pockets, angling his face towards the sunshine. He looked truly happy, and I felt a warm tinge in my chest. I was hopeful that we could remain in each other’s lives, after all.
“It’s nice today. I could grab a blanket and we could hang out on the greens,” he said, purposefully bumping into me.
Jared waiting for me came to the forefront of my mind, but I didn’t want to spoil Ryan’s buoyant mood. We walked a few more steps as I decided how I should explain to him why I wouldn’t. I had experienced normal, the normal I had been desperate for, and yet I found myself giddy at the thought of seeing Jared again.
“It’s okay if you can’t. I’ll see you tonight.” Ryan said, squinting as he looked to the sky again. I was thankful that his radiant grin hadn’t faded.
I smiled in response and he pulled me into his side, kissing my forehead.
“Later, Nigh,” he said before turning toward his dorm.
I pulled in a big, cleansing breath of air. I felt renewed and rejuvenated. Even with the frightening things that lurked in the shadows, something had made it all disappear. I quickened my pace, eager to see Jared again. He was the only thing that could make my afternoon better.
The door was cracked when I arrived, and I pushed it open to find Jared looking out of the opened slits of the window blind. A smile immediately streaked across my face.
“Did you have a good time?” he asked, not turning around.