“Quit it.”
Ryan bellowed out a laugh and interlocked his fingers behind his head. I watched him for a moment as he stared at the ceiling. Surely being in Ryan’s position was nothing to be so chipper about, and I was getting impatient for him to get over this ridiculous crush so we could go back to being friends.
The next four hours passed relatively quickly. Ryan and I caught up on the last week, although I was careful to leave out much of what went on in Jared’s loft. We talked like we used to, and it was refreshing. I had missed him.
He was right, I did enjoy spending time with him, not less than I did with Jared, but it was exceedingly different. I always felt at ease with Ryan, but the urgency wasn’t there. I didn’t feel like the oxygen was missing from the room when he wasn’t in it. Ryan was always in the back of my mind, and it hurt me when he was hurting, but he was wrong. There were more differences than just playing house.
We were the last ones to arrive at the Rock. Ryan wanted to grab something to eat on the way, so our detour cost us the prime seats.
Beth smiled at me when we walked in. “Hey!”
“Hey yourself. Where were you?” I asked.
“At Chad’s,” she smiled. I looked to Chad, who appeared very frustrated with his laptop.
Ryan and I brought a stack of notes to occupy our time, so we went right to work. After an hour, I decided to take a break and call Jared.
“Hey,” Jared answered in a tender tone, picking up on the first ring.
“I just thought I’d call and see how you’re doing. Did you want me to bring you some coffee or something?”
“No, sweetheart. Just pretend I’m not here.”
“I just don’t like the idea of you having to sit outside in the cold.”
“This is what I do, remember? I’m ready to see you, though,” he added.
“Me too.” I cringed at how utterly ignoble my words sounded. I was glad that he could sense differently.
I walked back to the group and Ryan grimaced.
“Don’t start,” I warned.
Ryan shook his head and returned to his book. He fidgeted in his seat for awhile, and then finally heaved a big sigh. “Are you staying there again tonight?” he blurted out.
“That’s some more of your business,” I said, distracted by a particularly tricky equation.
“I thought he said you had dinner plans. Since you missed dinner, I thought maybe you’d just stay here tonight.”
“Still none of your business,” I murmured, scanning the words on the pages. Any divulging of my sleeping arrangements would only end in another argument that I wasn’t in the mood for.
Beginning the third subject, I looked up at the clock.
“Is that clock right?” I asked the group. Everyone looked in unison at the large round clock on the wall, and then peered at their watches or cell phones. In different tones, they all murmured confirmations.
“What?” Ryan asked, stretching as he watched me shove my things into my bag.
“It’s late, I have to go.”
I pulled out my phone and pressed the speed dial for Jared’s cell. He didn’t answer, so I rushed out the door. I stood there a moment, looking around, and then hurried down the stairs, banging the rollers of my bag against every step. The Escalade wasn’t there.
I tried not to panic, convincing myself that he was just in a well secluded spot. After ten minutes, I walked down the sidewalk a little over a block each way. My search was futile. Jared wouldn’t let me walk around in the dark; he wasn’t there.
My bag barely touched the ground as I sprinted across campus, glad that Claire had parked my car in the middle lot to be spiteful. I thought of all the possibilities for his sudden disappearance, but my mind kept returning to the hell I’d gone through just a week before. Jared didn’t have a history of warning me that he was going to end our relationship.
By the time I reached my car my lungs were frozen and aching. I fumbled with my keys and ripped the door open, heaving my bag to the passenger side. The tires squealed as I pulled out into the street, cursing every stoplight that cost me precious time.
I pulled up to Jared’s loft and took a deep breath. His Escalade wasn’t parked in front, but I tried the door, anyway. I kept my eyes on the doorknob as I waited, willing it to twist open. Dogs barked down the dark street and I suddenly felt uneasy. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how safe I felt with Jared; the alley had never seemed frightening before.
I walked back to the Beemer, defeated. He would have called if it was anything other than the worst scenario. He had either broken his promise not to leave me, or he was in danger. After twenty minutes and still no call from Jared, my lungs began to feel less satisfied with every breath and my eyes welled over with tears.
A knock resounded on my window and I jumped. Claire’s flawless face was on the other side.