I watched my cell phone, praying, willing it to light up and ring. An eternity passed, but it lay on my nightstand, still and dark.
I wiped the moisture from my eyes, looking up at the wire spiraling down from the ceiling. Anger surged through my veins and I stood up, yanking on the wire over and over until it finally ripped from its source. I noticed the frayed edge of the end of the wire and wiped my face once more, satisfied. It wasn’t fair that he could hear me when I was alone.
A buzzing noise came from the night table and I stiffened. It buzzed again and I threw the wire down, nearly tripping over it to reach the phone before I missed the call.
“Jared?” I breathed.
“It’s uh…it’s Ryan. Sorry.”
“No! Don’t be sorry,” I sniffed.
“Are you okay? You sound like you’ve been crying.”
“Was there a reason you called?” I wasn’t in the mood to discuss my latest moment of insanity.
“Yes,” he hesitated, “I’m being released in the morning.”
“Oh. Oh yeah, okay. I’ll come in the morning, then. Did you let everyone else know or should I call them?” I asked, hoping he would catch the meaning.
“I just started making the calls.”
He’d called me first. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
“Nina?”
“Mmmhmm?” I said, distracted by the wire curled and arched beside my bed.
“Tell me why you’re upset. Is it Jared?” My silence was all the answer he needed. “I could kill him for doing this to you,” he growled.
“It’s not his fault, Ryan. I’ve told you, it’s complicated.”
Ryan sighed, accepting my vague reply. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Friday was easier than I thought it would be, with the six of us choreographing Ryan’s on-the-fly homecoming party. We caravanned to the hospital; balloons and shoe polish decorated our cars. The windows of Josh’s truck vibrated to the beat of “Paradise City” as Tucker wheeled Ryan out of the double doors of the hospital. We all whistled and clapped as Ryan lumbered into Josh’s passenger side.
“C’mon, Nina,” Ryan smiled, gesturing for me to accompany him. When I scooted in next to him, Ryan weakly lifted his arm to the top of the seat behind me. We giggled and joked all the way to Brown, and the seven of us made our way to Ryan’s room.
“It looks like a parade threw up in here,” Ryan said, beaming. He hobbled over to his desk chair and fell into it, visibly spent.
We sat and talked, and then Beth, Chad and Tucker left for class. Thirty minutes later, Kim and Josh had classes of their own to go to.
“What did you do to your hand?” Ryan asked, staring at my messily bandaged palm.
“I sliced it on the air vent in my room,” I shrugged.
“Ouch. Are you all caught up on your tetanus shots?”
I nodded. “I’ll come by later, okay? We have a lot of work to do.”
“You have class?” he asked, disappointed.
“I’ve had class for the last two hours, Ryan,” I grinned.
“Thanks for today. Maybe we could do this every month.”
“Okay, but I’m not volunteering to get stabbed next time. Or ever.” I hugged him and an awkward pause followed when I pulled away. “You take it easy. I’ll come over later and we can study.”
Ryan watched me with a soft expression as I walked to the door. “See you later, Nigh.”
I pulled his door closed and let out a gust of air. I couldn’t be sure if it was guilt or the look in Ryan’s eyes after I’d hugged him, but everything felt different when we were alone. I forgot about angels and demons and feeling unwanted. In Ryan’s presence, life was normal.
Soon after class began, my thoughts zeroed in on Jared. I clenched my eyes shut when I thought about the night before. I had probably relieved him of any regret he might have felt after my antics. The professor’s voice blurred into the background, and I took shallow breaths to keep the tears from forming; it was embarrassing enough that everyone peered over their shoulders at me every day as if I’d gone crazy, the last thing I needed was to break down in class.
In the solitude of my room, I let the tears flow. I was glad that Jared couldn’t hear me. I had become a blubbering, pathetic mess. My eyes drifted to the vent to see that the cover was securely fastened to the ceiling. My eyebrows pressed inward. I was too exhausted the night before to replace it.
Scrambling to the floor, I lifted my comforter to peer under the bed where I had hidden the frayed carcass of the wire. I gritted my teeth seeing that the only thing under my bed was a lone sock surrounded by a herd of dust bunnies.
Jared or Claire had come into my room while I was gone and replaced the mic. I looked to the ceiling, balling my hands into fists at my sides. “Stay out of my room!”
The screwdriver was missing from the top drawer of my dresser as well. I had left it there for safe keeping until I could replace the vent cover. I burst into the hallway, letting the door crack against the wall. Anger fueled my march to the RA’s room and I pounded on her door.