"And?"
I shrugged. "And nothing. At first, her reaction was what I figured one would be. She had questions. I gave her the same answers I gave you, but she's the kind of person who wants to make things better. She's just like you, actually," I stated, giving Luke a smile. "She wants to help me. The thought pisses me off, but then again, it makes me more possessive over her." I let out a sigh. "All of this is fucking me up."
"The only thing I can suggest is go with the flow, Mase. I know it won't be easy for you, but you've got to move on with your life. You deserve to be happy and if she can make you happy, then let her. Don't push something away because it's not what you're used to."
I stared off, looking at nothing in particular as I let his words sink in. I knew he was right, but it all went back to the things I held secret. There was so much that weighed down on my soul. So many things that came back to haunt me. I knew going to Victor would be my first step. It was the only way I could make John pay. Donicko was another story. I knew deep down there was no way for me to do anything to him. He would continue on with his malicious work, and that dark piece of me would always remain.
The question was could I live with myself knowing I'd scar others with my past?
"When do you see her again?" Luke asked, jarring me from my inner thoughts.
"Tonight."
"Okay, well, until then," he started, throwing me a game remote. "Let's get your mind off shit and kill things."
I laughed and picked up the controller. This wasn't my usual way of dealing with things, but I could see the appeal. I couldn't kill John or Donicko in real life, but this way, I could imagine I was.
After a few hours, I decided to go home. Carlos would be picking up Emma soon, and I wanted plenty of time to shower and wind down.
When I arrived home, I pulled my phone from my pocket and turned my ringer back on before noticing a text from an unknown number.
6pm tomorrow. Come to the manor. You should remember where it is. - D
Flashes of that monstrosity came back to me. Donicko's house. It was a place I vowed I'd never enter again. A place where the devil did his dirty work. Why would he want me to come there, and why after all this time?
I didn't know what he was playing at and I didn't want to find out, but this was where things got tricky. If I didn't do as he asked, how did I know he wouldn't do something to punish me? I wasn't a stranger to his acts of violence. I'd seen my share in my youth, and the fact that he knew about Emma only made things worse for me. I would go the following night, but only to see what he wanted and to finally tell him once and for all to leave me the fuck alone. I owed him nothing.
Walking up the stairs, I headed to my bathroom and stripped off my clothes. I needed to get into the right mindset before Emma arrived, but my thoughts were in the past. I hated that despair that washed over me. It attached itself to me like a parasite, and there was only one way to get rid of it.
Standing in front of the mirror, I looked at myself. This is what Emma saw. A broken man. A man with no control over his own urges.
Reaching down, I pulled open the drawer and grabbed my razor. After Luke had stitched me up that night, I'd made a decision not to cut myself again, but deep down I knew my words were futile. That’s why I'd replaced the dull razor with a new one.
I stared at it, the light gleaming off the metal. An object that bled my sins away, absolving me from my wrong-doings. One cut would make it all go away, if only for a matter of time.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and bowed my head.
Emma's face entered my mind.
Emma would be there in a matter of minutes. I couldn't cut myself. I couldn't do what came so naturally to me. Hiding it from her was no longer an option.
Dropping the razor back into the drawer, I turned away from my absolution and buried the darkness once again.
Last night, Emma asked me to use her, so using her is exactly what I’ll do.
I showered and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt just in time to answer the door.
"Good evening, Ms. Blake," I greeted her.
Without a word, Emma walked in, beautiful as usual in a light pink sundress. She headed straight into the living space to the right.
I frowned as I watched her disappear and closed the front door to follow behind her. When I walked into the room, I stopped in my tracks as I took her in. She stood there in nothing but her white lace bra, matching panties, and black heels. I smirked as my eyes traveled up and down her body and absorbed the image into memory.
"No talking tonight, I presume?" I asked, raising a brow.
She smirked and bit her lip, taking a few steps toward me.
“No talking,” she stated as she came to a stop in front of me.