Perversion (Perversion Trilogy #1)

Tricks,

You should like your hair every day. It’s unique, like you. You’ll have to show me those card tricks someday. Shuffling a deck is pretty much all I’ve got, but one of my new brothers is huge into card games and video games and…well, every other game you can think of.

You don’t have to talk about your sad shit. I won’t talk about mine, but honestly, I don’t get sad. It’s one of the many things my file says about me.

I did something for the first time today that’s…well I can’t tell you about it. But it made me feel good. Like I belong. I wish you could meet my new family. They’d like you, tricks and all.

A secret? The day I met you, you were the first person to touch me in a long time. It was like there was a glass bubble surrounding me, and somehow you broke through it. I’ve felt better every day since then. I guess you can even say you worked your magic on me.





-T


PS-I watched a magic special last night. If you tell me you can make the Eiffel Tower disappear, I’m fucking showing up for that.





Tristan,

WOW on the secret. I felt something that day, too. Guilt. For the first time ever taking something from anyone. I’m glad I helped you. But, I don’t think I have super powers or anything. It would be cool if I did. Besides, after your last letter came I tried for two hours to move books across the kitchen table with my mind.

In case you’re wondering, it was a no go.

I’m so happy that you feel like you belong there. I really am. I hope to feel that way someday. I know we said no sad stuff, but my best friend Gabby is leaving tomorrow to go live with her brother. She’s all I have. I don’t know what I’ll do without her here. Aunt Ruby is never home, and when she is, all she does is yell and call me names or bring strange men home who feel like they can do the same.

Just tell me you’re happy. That will help. Maybe I’ll go somewhere someday and feel that way too. Maybe, you can even come visit me sometime? Or I can visit you? I have enough money for a bus ticket. Well, I can get it, but I don’t know where you are.

-Emma Jean

“Those who have a strong sense of belonging, have the courage to be imperfect.” -Brene Brown





Four





It’s late. We should’ve been asleep for hours by now, but with every tick of the clock, the time for Gabby to leave grew closer.

Gabby and I were lying on my tiny twin bed in the dark, shining a small keychain flashlight on the quotes we’d taped to the wall, ones cut from various books, newspapers, and magazines over the five years we’ve lived in the same foster home together.

“This one is still my favorite,” Gabby said. She took hold of my hand, the one holding the flashlight, and directed it at a small, torn scrap of paper at the bottom of the wall above my bed. “How do you spell love? You don’t spell it. You feel it. -Anonymous.” She sighed dramatically and released my hand.

“Did you ever figure out who said that?” I asked, nudging her with my shoulder.

“Nope, but I will. Someday.” I could feel her smile through the dark.

“It’s from Winnie the Pooh,” Mona, Gabby’s older sister by ten months, groaned from her bed across the room. “Now, will you two please be quiet so I can get some sleep on our last night here?” I heard a rustle, and I knew that meant she’d rolled over and thrown her pillow over her head as she’d done too many times to count tonight.

I grew quiet, and Gabby knew that Mona’s words had seeped in and reminded me of what tomorrow would bring.

“Get over here,” she whispered loudly, pulling me back down onto my back beside her.

I brushed off tomorrow and instead chose to be present in the moment. Gabby and I giggled and huddled closer, our shoulders touching, our legs draped over one another’s.

“This one’s mine,” I said, shining the light higher on the wall. “Throw me to the wolves, and I will return as pack leader.”

“Wow. Okay, I change my mind. That’s my favorite, too,” Gabby said. “Wait. What about this one? If you need a hero, become one.”

“Now, that one’s my favorite,” we said, in unison.

Mona groaned again, and this time, I clicked off the flashlight, but Gabby made no move to return to her own bed in the middle of the room. It was rarer for us to sleep apart. “You know, Mona is my sister by birth, and I know you and I aren’t related by blood, but you’re my sister, too. You know that, right? I choose you, and I think that, in a way, it’s even more special.”

I knew her well enough to sense the tears welling up in her eyes, and I found my own eyes beginning to sting and water. I grabbed her hand and held it tightly. “Yes. Sisters. Always.” I sniffle. “I choose you, too.”

Gabby’s arms wrapped around mine, and we laid there, quietly crying, holding one another in the dark. “That’s got to mean something, right?” she asked with a sniffle. “That we choose to be sisters?”

“Yes, it does mean something,” I assured her, our tears mixing together between our pressed cheeks. “It means everything.”

“Not enough to keep us together,” she muttered. “I’d rather stay in foster care with you than go live with Marco without you.”

“No,” I told her. “Your brother is out of prison. He’s bringing you and Mona home. You should be happy. I won’t let you feel sad for me when this should be good news.”

“It doesn’t feel like good news,” Gabby said, with pain in her voice. “I was so young when I was put into foster care. I don’t remember the town I was born in. I don’t remember Marco at all. I don’t know anything about him. And suddenly, he wants us to be a family again without so much a phone call or a visit?”

“But he’s your brother. And you’re going home. You’re one of the lucky ones,” I reminded her.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” she replied with a sigh.

I clicked the flashlight on again and swung the beam back to the wall. “Look,” I said, giving Gabby a nudge.

She lifted her head and read the words aloud that I’d lit up. “Distance means so little when someone means so much.” She grabbed the flashlight and moved it to the center of the wall to the most recent quote. The one we taped up last month right after we found out she was leaving.

It was my turn to read it out loud. “How lucky I am to have something which makes saying goodbye so hard.” I choked on a sob and held Gabby tighter. “It won’t be forever,” I said between tears, which were flowing freely now.

“I’ll make Marco bring you with us. He has to bring you with us,” Gabby cried.

I shook my head. “It doesn’t work that way. You know that.”

“I’ll find a way. I promise. I’ll find a way,” she whispered. “We’re a team. Don’t replace me as your accomplice.”

I chuckled. “I won’t. I can’t. You’re the best there is.”

I was entwined with Gabby, neither one of us wanting to let the other go, not even after she fell asleep and I remained awake, staring at the ceiling. I clutched the small heart-shaped locket around my neck that held the picture of Tristan and his mother. It brought me comfort I’d need even more tomorrow after Gabby left.

Morning light shone through my closed eyelids. I sat up with a start and quickly realized that Gabby was no longer tangled up with me. She’d gone. Her bed was stripped bare. Her things, which were normally strewn about the room in heaping piles of clutter, were also gone.

My chest tightened, and I fought the tears pricking the backs of my eyes once more.

Be happy for her, I reminded myself.

There was a torn piece of paper on the side table next to me. I picked it up, and the tears I was holding back began to spill down my face.