Damon, not one to break his word, kept me in the bed all day. I managed to pry him off me long enough to meet Chloe and Logan for dinner and then it was back upstairs. I think he knew this was it, all too soon we’d be back to reality and things would be different between us again. The last few days had been incredible and I wished they didn’t have to end but they did and for the next eleven hours we made every second count.
I woke up with a heavy heart and the desire to block out stupid reality and stay in Scotland where we could pretend our closeness was purely because we were on holiday. We packed in silence and checked out in silence. Physically there was no distance, but no matter how close I stood to him I felt like we were on different continents.
The shittiest part was I didn’t know if I could ever get past not wanting anything serious. I had no idea if I would ever feel such peace again.
I was so sad to leave Scotland. The wedding had been amazing and spending so much time with Damon was more than I could have ever expected. We got along so well, I fell in love, and now I was scared that something would come along and ruin what we had when we got home. Or someone would. He deserved to have everything he wanted. He wanted something real eventually.
Chloe and Logan still had a few more days before they were flying off to Italy for a fortnight. Most of the wedding guests had already left and now me and Damon were packing up the car ready to head home.
“I don’t want to leave,” I said, pouting at him.
Leaning over and chuckling, he tried to bite my lip but I managed to arch my back away from him before he could reach.
“We could stay. I wouldn’t mind having you to myself for longer.”
“Appealing,” I said, straightening my back and giving him a kiss. So unbelievably appealing it hurt to think we couldn’t do it. “But I have to be get back to work and there are things I need to do first.”
“What things?” He asked, clamping me in his arms.
My heart raced as I fitted against him in the best way. He was comfort and I was getting greedy. “Seeing my mum, seeing my dad, sorting out all the clothes from this weekend, redecorating my bedroom.”
“Redecorating?”
“I don’t like the purple wall anymore. It needs to go.” Call me crazy but I wanted the colour of the walls in my room to be the same colour as the walls in the room I fell in love with Damon in. Yeah, I was crazy. But I couldn’t have him the way I wanted to now so I wanted whatever I could get.
“You need help with that?”
Would he have offered if we hadn’t had this weekend to grow unbelievably close? We’d started out as acquaintances, had unbelievably amazing sex one night at a party that led to the friends with benefits pact, started spending time alone together around booty calls, and became friends. But we didn’t really hang out unless there was sex involved. We invited each other on nights out or to go over but it was so we could have sex. This offer was decorating help. It was different. But we were friends too and friends helped.
The logical part of my head was screaming at me to tell him I was okay to do it alone because the line between casual and so fucking not casual was too close to see. But my heart, Jesus my heart wanted to see him at every opportunity I got.
“That’d be great, thanks.”
I was being too hard on myself again. There was the word friend in the sodding title we’d given ourselves. I didn’t have to keep him at a distance because by definition we were supposed to help and support each other. Oh yeah, no part of that is bullshit, I’m justifying to myself.
Damon
We started the journey flirting shamelessly and making plans to decorate her room and go out – and in – a couple nights. But the more distance that was put between us and Scotland the more distance appeared between us. I knew this was coming but I wasn’t ready for it.
The way I saw it I had two options. Try to find out what was behind her absolute reluctance to commit and risk her backing off completely. Or go along with what we had before Scotland. Neither sounded that appealing if I was honest.
“My family are coming to mine tomorrow night but they’ll be gone by nine if you want to come over?” I asked. The plans we’d made so far meant I wouldn’t see her for two days. It wasn’t really a long time but it felt like it. I also wanted to get on the topic of family and past.
She looked over and smiled. “Sure.” I had no doubt that she would turn up a little after nine to be on the safe side. “You’re not cooking for them, are you?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not that bad.”
“Right, with dishes that have no more than two ingredients. Like cheese on toast or frozen pizza.”
“I make a mean cheese on toast. They’re lucky they’re getting fed.”
She smirked. “You’re ordering in, aren’t you?”
“Yes. Unless you want to come and play chef, I’m ordering Chinese.”
“I’d make a rubbish chef but feel free to save me some Chinese.”
“Oh, I can’t promise there will be any left. You want Chow Mein, you arrive on time.”
Her mouth dropped. “You told me to come at nine!”
“No, technically I told you my family would be gone by nine.”
Was she willing to come when they were there? That was huge for her but I want convinced she wasn’t just playing the game.