“Like what?”
“You know, marriage, kids, white picket fences. They’ve been married for forty years, and honestly? They really do have the perfect relationship. They hardly ever fight, they tell each other everything, they’re madly in love.” He paused, a faraway light in his eyes. “They want the same thing for me. They want me to be smart and successful, marry the perfect woman, have perfect children.”
Brett carefully edged in. “Like I said last week, perfection doesn’t exist.”
“Tell that to them.” No mistaking the bitterness hardening his features.
And the…guilt?
God, sometimes it was impossible to read this man.
“But what about what you want?” she pointed out. “I mean, it’s nice that they want all these things for you, but do you want to get married and have kids?”
“Sure. One day.” His jaw tensed, and then he corrected himself. “No, I want it now.”
Brett raised her eyebrows. “Really?”
With a pained expression, he curled his hands over the metal edge of the cart. “Really. That’s what I’m looking for in my next relationship—someone who’s ready to settle down.”
The sting returned, which only added to her confusion. The reminder that she wasn’t in a relationship with AJ troubled her more than she wanted to admit, but not as much as the conflicting emotions flashing on his face. He was deeply upset, yet she couldn’t figure out why.
And his next revelation just made her head spin harder.
“Look, I owe it to them, okay?”
Brett didn’t get a chance to respond. He was already gone, steering the cart toward the line. The elderly woman ahead of them had just paid for her groceries, which meant they were next in line, leaving Brett no opportunity to question him.
She swallowed her distress and impatience as they rang the groceries through, but the second they stepped outside, she couldn’t hold back any longer.
“What do you mean, you owe it to them?”
AJ didn’t meet her eyes as he unlocked the Jeep. A second later, he was loading the bags in the back, acting like she wasn’t even there.
But Brett refused to let it go.
“What did you mean by that?” she demanded, scrambling into the passenger’s seat as AJ started the car. “Why exactly do you think you owe your parents something?”
A groove appeared in his forehead. Slowly, he glanced over, acknowledging her presence.
“Why?” she pressed.
His voice came out in an angry rush. “Because I’m the reason their son died.”
Chapter Eleven
Christ. The last thing AJ wanted to do was bare his soul in the parking lot of a Fresh Mart, but once the confession flew out, he couldn’t take it back.
In the passenger seat, Brett was staring at him with wide eyes. Her jaw had fallen open, and he saw her swallowing repeatedly as she tried to make sense of what he’d said.
When she spoke, her voice was low and gentle. “Your brother Joey?”
AJ nodded. Took a breath. It was difficult, though, when agony had slashed his insides to pieces. “He died because of me.”
Brett reached across the center console and squeezed his hand. “Tell me what happened.”
Fuck. No. He didn’t want to relive that night. He’d never told anyone about it before. Reed, Gage, Darcy…all they knew was that he’d had an older brother who’d died before the Walshes had moved to Boston, but that was it. Nobody knew the whole story.
Nobody knew the truth.
“Tell me,” Brett repeated.
Her fingers laced through his, grounding him to her, easing the massive load of guilt crushing his chest.
“My family used to live in Vermont.” He winced at the crack in his voice. “We had a huge property outside of Burlington, pretty much surrounded by forest.”
He halted.
Brett waited.
“I was a total brat when I was a kid,” he said gruffly. “I argued with my parents all the time, broke all their rules.”
He stopped again.
She waited.
“And I told you what Joey was like, right?”
“Perfect,” she murmured.
AJ’s heart clenched. “I know you don’t believe me, but he was. He was the perfect son, and I was the hell-raiser. I just wanted to run around in the woods and explore and do whatever the hell I wanted.”
“That’s what most kids are like,” she pointed out.
“Maybe. But I took it too far.” His hands clenched into fists, and he quickly had to loosen them before he crushed Brett’s fingers. “I don’t even remember what I was pissed off about, but one day I just flipped out about something my parents had done, some rule they’d probably tried to make me follow, so I ran away.” He laughed harshly. “I decided I wasn’t going to let them boss me around anymore. I was going to live in the woods and hunt for food and catch fish and live off the land.”
He went quiet, for so long that Brett didn’t wait this time.