"Oh." He cleared his throat. "You're still working on that?"
"Of course I am! I don't know how much time I have left before Victoria has the baby, and I'm getting scared, Matthew. Really scared. I still can't light the fire, and if I can't—" The words stuck in her throat. She took a ragged breath and tried again. "If I don't do it, the pack will cut off part of my ear. And there's no way around it."
There was a long, heavy pause. Claire could hear him breath ing. "I don't know what to say," he finally admitted. "It's . . . obviously, it's awful, but there's nothing I can do about it. I mean, maybe you should just focus on doing whatever you've got to do to fix it, instead of talking to me."
It was like she'd been punched.
"You're—you're just going to abandon me?" she squeaked.
"I'm not abandoning you, Claire. I'll still be here afterward. But there's no way I can help you." His voice dropped. "This is a pack thing. And I'm a human."
She stood frozen in place. "You're a gardien," she whispered.
"Yeah. I know," he said, the words heavy as anchors. "I love you, and I'm worried for you, but talking to me doesn't change anything. I can't change anything. You understand, right?"
"I guess," Claire said. What she really meant was, Of course I don't.
"Listen, you should get some sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
"Sure." She was so stunned that she could barely form the word.
"Good." Matthew sounded relieved.
Claire closed her phone, still not quite believing the conversations she'd just had. She didn't know what was making Matthew back away from pack stuff—why he acted like it was some sort of poisoned apple he'd been forced to eat. After the naming, though, she intended to find out.
*
The next day, she woke up under a tangled sheet of desperation. She had to do something. She needed help.
One quick call, and a very worried-sounding Victoria agreed to meet her in the clearing that night, so she just had the long, miserable rest of the day to get through.
The only thing that distracted her—that saved her—was running. She jogged for miles, until the pavement disappearing beneath her human feet was all that she could focus on; until her teeth ached with the exertion. If Victoria couldn't help her tonight, Claire didn't know what she was going to do.
When she got to the clearing late that night, Victoria was already waiting for her.
"Whoa. You look like hell." The words were out of Victoria's mouth almost before Claire was completely through the trees.
"Right back atcha," Claire retorted, looking at Victoria's puffy face and lank hair.
She laughed. "Fair enough. I take it you haven't become a fire-starting guru yet?"
Claire shook her head sadly. "No. If you can't help me tonight, I think I'm screwed. How about the name?"
Victoria shook her head. "Nothing definite yet." She sighed. "Let's focus on your problems. They seem more fixable at the moment."
"Okay," Claire said grimly. "I'll build the fire." Mostly, she just went into the woods and pulled the same branches she'd been using back into the center of the clearing. She dumped them in pretty much the same spots each time. It didn't take long to retrieve them and put them back into a pile.
"Well, you're fast at building a fire, at least," Victoria offered.
"Yeah, but I don't think this is exactly a partial-credit situation. I have to light it," Claire said. "I'm sorry I had to drag you out here. Again."
Victoria looked at her. "I'm happy to help you. I've needed help with plenty of these things." She snorted. "I mean, look at the trouble I'm having with the naming. I still need help. There's no shame in that. I think that's why we have packs to begin with. If we were supposed to be completely self-sufficient, why wouldn't we all be lone wolves, seules?"
"I never thought about it that way," Claire said quietly.
Victoria shrugged. "I have a ton of respect for your mother. I think she's an amazing Alpha, and I wouldn't go against her. But I don't think being her daughter puts you in an easy spot."
Victoria had put Claire's tangled feelings into words so easily that it stunned her. With Matthew acting so weird and Emily needing to be kept in the dark, it had been too long since someone really understood Claire.
"You don't know how awesome it is to hear someone say that," she said.
Victoria smiled. "I've been the Alpha's daughter. It's hard as anything. It's like nothing you do counts, but everything you do gets judged."
Claire looked over at the unlit fire, her nerves tingling uncomfortably. She knew that her own judgment was as close as the kindling. "I have to do this," she whispered.