I leave the room and crouch in the hallway, at the very spot where the old man collapsed. Did he have something to do with this Salib? Is my agoraphobia linked to all this. The thought that someone deliberately caused my debilitating condition fills me with equal measures of rage and relief – rage because of the way it’s ruined my life and relief because perhaps there is a cure. Maybe I won’t be trapped here forever.
‘Stop it, Zoe,’ I mutter to myself. ‘You like this; you like the boredom. It’s safe and quiet. You don’t need a way out.’
I glance at the door, taking in its reassuring solidity. Then it suddenly rattles as someone knocks loudly.
I freeze, all at once a mess of palpitations and cold sweat. I stand up shakily and peer out of the spyhole. Frowning, I realise who it is; I’d told Dr Miller I didn’t need a damn home visit.
I unlock the bolts but keep the chain fastened and carefully open the door. The doctor smiles benevolently. ‘Zoe, how are you?’
‘Fine.’ My tone is akin to that of a sullen teenager; the doctor is a distraction that I can do without.
‘I was in the neighbourhood and thought I’d pop by and see how you’re doing.’ His breathing changes, becoming slightly heavy. I stop looking at his presence on my doorstep as an irritation and start paying attention. He’s lying but I don’t know why.
It was easy to fake it with the Mayor but that was in the Dreamlands. Here in real life it’s much harder for me to pretend. ‘As I said, I’m fine.’
‘Can I come in?’
My hands start shaking. ‘I’m – I’m not sure that would be a good idea,’ I stutter. ‘I’m not used to having strangers inside – and I’ve got work to do.’
‘I’m not a stranger, Zoe. And I’ve been inside your house before, when things were very bad.’
I clear my throat. ‘That was a long time ago.’
‘I won’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Here.’ He thrusts a small bag towards the gap in the door. ‘I brought you more medication.’
For a second I forget to be scared. ‘Why?’
‘This is stronger. It might be more effective.’
Except I told him the pills he prescribed were working fine. Why would he come and give me different ones? ‘Thanks.’ I take the bag, pinching it between my thumb and forefinger as if it might bite. ‘I have to go now,’ I lie.
‘Of course, of course. Look after yourself. And do call me if you need anything.’
I nod before carefully closing the door and re-bolting it. Through the spyhole, I watch him leave, hands thrust in his pockets. He starts to whistle ‘She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain’ as if everything is hunky-dory.
I double-and triple-check the locks, telling myself that he means well and I’m being paranoid. It doesn’t work.
Chapter Ten
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Mahatma Gandhi
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Ashley; Bron; Dante: three people who have gone out of their way to help me and provide some answers. Except when I was with Ashley I ended up getting hit on the head and dragged to the Mayor’s jail cell. And Bron, sweet as he is, hasn’t been as helpful as he’d probably like to think. That leaves Dante.
The thought of him sends a shiver down my spine; I can’t deny there’s a part of me that’s eager to see him again. Perhaps I could just use him for information and sex. It has been a while... Then I remember his silvered, knowing eyes. He’s probably not the kind of person who lets himself be used. Still, despite his annoying methods, he has shown me quite a lot so far. Plus, even if they used to work together, the Mayor despises him now – which raises Dante a notch or two in my estimation. And there’s one thing in particular I really want to ask him.
I find him crouched in the forest, busy with something that I can’t figure out. I watch him indecisively for a moment or two ‘You do like sneaking around and spying on people, don’t you?’ he mutters, without turning round.
I’d thought I’d approached silently. Apparently not. ‘Er, I wanted to thank you,’ I say. ‘You know, for helping me out the other day and showing me the mare.’ I touch the bruise on my neck, which has all but disappeared now. ‘And for proving all this is real. Well, sort of real. You know what I mean.’
‘Go on then.’
I stare at the back of his head. ‘Huh?’
‘Thank me.’
I roll my eyes. He’s actually more annoying than I remembered. ‘Thank you.’ I curtsey behind his back, pulling out a vast imaginary skirt.
He straightens and turns. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Me? Nothing,’ I say innocently. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Nothing.’
I peer round him, spotting the gleaming steel jaws of a trap. ‘You bastard! It’s you setting those things!’
He frowns angrily. ‘You’re not much of one for small details, are you?’
I gape at him. I’m better at details than anyone else he’ll ever meet. What ... oh. The trap is closed and useless. ‘You were making it safe.’
Dante gazes at me patiently. ‘As you see.’
‘Why? I thought you didn’t like the mares.’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘You kind of did.’
‘No. I respect them and I keep my distance from them. I don’t dislike them. In fact, I think they’re a necessary part of all this.’