“What is this?” I asked, still trying to keep myself together.
“It’s whatever you want, baby doll. If you want to walk out of here and never talk to me again, I get it. I’ll be forever grateful I got to see you and to know you’re all right, but I’ll understand. If you want to talk on the phone twice I year, I’ll take those phone calls and be thankful for them. If you want more than that, I’ll give you whatever I’ve got. I’m here, wide open, just hoping you’ll let me in a little bit.”
“I’m kind of hoping you’ll let me in a lot.” This came from Rachel and my eyes darted to her, softening a little. “I’ve been an only child my whole life, always knowing I had a sister out there, and I’m kind of tired of not knowing you.”
Before I could think better of it, I reached across the table and took her hand.
“I could really use a sister.” She smiled at me, a real smile, not a worried one, and I couldn’t help but smile back.
“Kalli is the best big sister in the world,” Riot said from beside me, his voice quiet.
“We were really sorry to hear about your brother,” Kevin said.
I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, but then said, “Thank you.”
“Dad told me he wanted to drive up to Seattle to see you when it happened, but I told him it wouldn’t be a good time. I convinced him to send you the flowers.”
“It wasn’t a good time,” I agreed softly. I thought about my life the few days after Marcus’ death, the few weeks following it, and I wouldn’t have been in a good place to receive a surprise visit from my long-lost father. Not at all. That surely would have sent me off the ledge of sanity I had been clinging to. “Wait,” I said, suddenly remembering I was missing a huge piece of the puzzle, “how did you know where I lived to send the flowers to me?”
Kevin took a sip of his water, then he put his glass down and laced his fingers together, folding his hands and resting them on the table in front of him.
“About ten years ago I started doing freelance work for a company that has offices all over the west coast. I worked from home mainly, but sometimes travelled in to an office in San Diego, or travelled to other offices if need be. It started as a temp job, something on the side, but a few years in they offered me a full-time position. I accepted and was flown to their Seattle offices to meet with the staff coordinator. Inside the headquarters office was a large framed picture of the Vice President and his family, and it was a memorial to him—your stepfather.” He took another drink, cleared his throat, and continued.
“I saw your mother in that picture, and I saw you, and I read the article that was framed alongside it that stated your mother and stepfather had passed, and that they were survived by you and your brother.”
“They were on their way to visit me in New York, headed to the airport.” He nodded, taking in my words. “I wasn’t in that crash. But it left my brother mentally disabled.”
“Obviously, the article left me with a lot of questions and a lot of panic. I didn’t know what to do, who to call, how to get ahold of you, so I hired a private investigator, and three weeks later, I had your address.”
“How long ago was that?” I asked, shocked to think that my father had hunted me down.
“Five years.”
“You knew where I was five years ago?” A tiny jab of pain pierced my chest. It was small, but it was there. I’d always figured my father had run away and never looked back. It had never crossed my mind that my father had known where I was at all, let alone known where I was and still hadn’t come to find me.
“You have to understand that until I saw that article, I had convinced myself that I didn’t deserve to know anything about you, let alone your address or what was going on in your life. I was going to let you live your life, even if it killed me. I told myself you were happy and with your mother, and until I found out that wasn’t true, I was going to let you be.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I know what you must be thinking, that I didn’t care enough to come find you. That’s so far from the truth, Kalli. I didn’t want to disrupt your life more than it already had been. The PI told me about the settlement you got, that you were already doing a great job of taking care of your brother, and that everything seemed to be all right. And the last thing I wanted to do was cause any more upset. So, I stayed away. But I paid that PI every six months for an update. Nothing intrusive, I only wanted to make sure you were okay.”