“That’s okay. You shouldn’t have to be going through this alone, anyway. And it sounds like you guys really love each other. It’s not fair to leave him out of the picture. He deserves to have a relationship with his baby.”
As the last words left her mouth, I heard them getting softer. And when I turned to look at her, I saw her features soften too. And then she turned and rested her head on my shoulder and I knew she was out. It was my turn to be the reasonable brother who offered only compassionate advice.
“Kalli’s right,” I agreed. “You need to call him and tell him what’s up. Odds are he’ll show up and that’s okay. It’s okay for him to change the course of his life for this, Hals. There are art schools in San Francisco. You are planning on staying in San Fran, right?”
“I can’t really imagine having a baby without Ma around,” she said softly, and that clinched it for me.
“You need to call Jordy, and he needs to be with you when you tell Ma and Pops. He needs to be there for you. And if you want, I’ll drive up when you tell them as well. Kalli and I are here for you. Whatever you need.” As I spoke I felt Kalli’s hand come to my chest, then move up my shoulder, finally coming to rest on the side of my neck, her thumb gently stroking over my throat.
“Thanks, Ri,” she said, and I could tell she was crying again.
“Don’t cry,” I said softly. “Everything will be okay. You’re gonna be a mom.” That only made her cry even harder.
After ten more minutes of trying to get my baby sister to dry up, she finally got ahold of her emotions enough to agree to call Jordy and get his ass to San Francisco. I ended the call, tossed my phone on the couch cushion next to me, then laid my hand on Kalli’s thigh.
“Well, Halah’s pregnant,” I said with mock surprise. Luckily, Kalli giggled. She giggled in between sniffles, but she giggled nonetheless. “You all right?”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“Lots of stuff happening. Heavy stuff. Stuff that makes you think about things.” I ran my hand slowly up and down her leg, trying to coax her into talking to me. I didn’t want to push her, and I knew eventually she’d open up and tell me what was going on in her brain, but I also knew that for Kalli, keeping emotions locked inside only did bad things. Things I wanted to avoid if possible.
“What would you say if I told you I wanted to call Kevin?”
God, I loved her.
“I’d say you’ve got every right to call him.”
“Do you think it’s stupid and masochistic?”
It was my turn to support her, so I turned toward her on the couch and took her hands in mine, lowered my head, and looked directly into her eyes.
“There is nothing stupid about wanting to talk to your own father. It’s natural to be curious and to want some answers. It’s not masochistic, but I’m hoping you go into it understanding that you can’t let his actions determine your worth. If he ends up being a complete jackass and doesn’t see what a great, smart, beautiful, and talented daughter he has, well, that’s on him, not you.”
“I’m really afraid that if I talk to him and find out he’s a terrible person, it’ll break something inside me, like the last piece of me that is still intact will crumble altogether. But I’m more afraid of finding out he’s great.”
“Baby, why would it be bad if he turns out to be great?”
“Because then I’ll know I missed out on having a great dad all these years.” She said the words and tears tumbled down her cheeks. I’d never really felt my heart break before that moment. Kalli was a grown woman. A successful, grown, sophisticated, independent woman, and the dad who abandoned her years ago could still turn her into a brokenhearted little girl. I wrapped my arms around her, pulled her to me, then lay back on the couch with her body draped over mine.
“It might not be a great experience, meeting him. And I can guarantee, even if you meet him and things do go great, it won’t fix everything either. The only thing we know for sure is that you are capable of thriving on your own, and I’ll be here to support you no matter what happens.”
It took her a moment to gather her thoughts and stop the tears that silently fell down her face.
“I wish I didn’t have to talk to him on the phone. I wish I could meet him somewhere, see him face-to-face.”
I inwardly groaned. I wanted to protect her as much as I could, and that was easier if they spoke on the phone first. It would be easier to take her phone and hang up on him than to pull her out of a restaurant.
“What about Skype?” I offered. That seemed like a good compromise.
“That will be awkward don’t you think?”
“We used to Skype all the time.”
“That was different,” she said, her shy smile crossing her face. I smiled back because she had a point. The appeal with Skype for Kalli and me was that we could see each other, all of each other if needed.
“Point made.” I took in a deep breath and then blew it out, knowing my next words would seal the deal. “I don’t know if you noticed, but the phone number on that card has a San Diego area code.”