“Anything,” he said sincerely, his fingers coming up to touch my chin lightly.
I led him back to the pier, and we walked slowly toward the one thing I knew Marcus would have loved the most: the carousel. “I just want to ride it once.” I felt a little silly asking my grown-up boyfriend to ride a carousel, but I knew if Marcus were there, he’d want to ride it as many times as I would let him. It would be nice, for once, to do something that reminded me of him and to smile while doing it. For months I’d been crying over his loss, but today, I felt as though I should let myself enjoy something he would have. Perhaps that would make me feel closer to him somehow.
“Baby,” Riot said softly, tilting my face to look up at him. “We can ride it as many times as you want. Whatever is going to make you happy, that’s what we’ll do.”
“Okay,” I whispered, smiling up at him, getting lost in his gorgeous brown eyes.
Riot led me to the attendant, a teenage boy of maybe sixteen. He looked wide-eyed at Riot, obviously recognizing him, and then looked at me. His eyes started at my face, but then I saw them dart to my chest, and I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. This kid was the epitome of every awkward high school boy.
“Hey, man,” Riot said, as if he and the kid were the best of friends. “My girlfriend and I want to ride the carousel, but I was hoping we could just stay on until she’s ready to get off. Will this cover an unlimited pass?” Riot held out his hand and offered the kid a hundred-dollar bill. His eyes went even wider as he reached for the bill.
“Sure. No problem.” The kid unhooked the chain that blocked off the entrance and let us through.
“You didn’t have to pay him that much money. One ride is enough.”
“We’ll see,” he said, squeezing my hand.
I stepped up onto the platform and wandered through the evenly spaced horses. I found one with a blue saddle and knew that was the one Marcus would have chosen. I put one foot in the stirrup and Riot’s hands came to my waist, acting as if I needed help mounting my horse, but I knew he really just wanted an excuse to put his hands on me. After I was safely atop, he climbed onto the horse right next to me. It took a few minutes for everyone who was riding to find their horse, but after a few minutes the carousel started to turn.
I closed my eyes and listened to the tinkling music, the wind blowing against my face, and the swirling feeling that is the appeal of a carousel. My hands were wrapped around the golden pole in front of me and I leaned my head back, trying to picture the smile that would have been huge and bright across Marcus’ face. I tried to imagine the excitement an unlimited pass to a carousel would have given him.
A few minutes into our ride, I felt something touching my leg. My eyes opened and I saw Riot using a finger to scratch at my leg, then he held out his hand to me. I took his hand and leaned my temple against the golden pole, and I looked into his eyes as we went around and around in circles. His thumb made lazy circles over the back of my hand and as the carousel finally slowed, he mouthed the words “I love you.”
I decided he’d been right, and once wasn’t enough. We rode the carousel for an hour, always switching horses between rides, and on the last one, I led Riot to one of the bench seats and cuddled into his side. The ride started to move and I pressed my face into his chest, squeezing my arms around his waist.
We swirled round and round, and I watched as children’s faces lit up with joy. It was bittersweet. Sadness was overwhelming because I’d never see Marcus’ smiling face again, but I shared their joy knowing his spirit was still within me, and I felt his joy like he was riding with me. Riot’s lips pressed up against my temple, placing a soft kiss there, and then I heard his voice, felt his breath against my ear.
“He was so lucky to have you as his sister.”
At his words, one tear slid down my cheek, and I snuggled into him even more.
Chapter Thirteen
His Signature Move
Kalli
The car ride back to LA was quiet, but in a comfortable way. The radio was on, but it played softly in the background. My hand was holding Riot’s and resting in his lap, and I spent most of my time either looking out the window, or resting my eyes, leaning against the headrest.
So much had happened in just one weekend.
Two days full of changes and transitions; my brain was trying to catch up with all the emotions running through my heart.
We were just outside of LA and it was late enough that the traffic wasn’t terrible.
“You’ve been pretty quiet,” he said. I opened my eyes and looked over at him.
“Just thinking.” I said, giving him a weak smile. I was honestly exhausted. The panic attack over lunch had used enough emotional energy that I could have slept the rest of the day, and then the ride on the carousel had done me in. I hadn’t run a marathon or anything, but my body was spent.