“It’s none of my business if you’re with her, Riot. You make a great-looking couple.”
“We’re not a couple,” I said, my voice deeper, more insistent. “Kal, look at me, please.” She slowly raised her eyes to meet mine, but she looked sadder than she’d been just five minutes ago. After everything she’d been through, I was pissed that Lexi had caused her more pain needlessly. “We’re not together. We never have been. I haven’t been with anyone since you, and I don’t plan on being with anyone except you. Ever.”
I watched her eyes widen at my words, her lips part slightly, heard her breath catch. I hadn’t meant to come on so strong, had wanted to play this evening cool, become friends with her again, ease my way back into her life. Claiming her hadn’t been on my short list of things to do.
She finally let out the breath she’d been holding, but she only nodded slightly, pulling her hand from mine to take a drink. She was retreating and all I wanted to do was grab her, shake her, kiss her, and prove I was hers. Only.
“Babe,” I said quietly. “Look at me.” Her eyes found mine almost immediately. “I’m not with Lexi. I’m here. With you. I’m all yours for whatever purpose you want. You want to be friends? That’s cool. You want to be more than that? I’m down with that too, dying for that. But I can’t let you sit there thinking I’m with someone else. That I could have moved on so easily from you. I couldn’t. I didn’t. I haven’t been able to think of anyone else but you, let alone date someone else. I’ve just been here, biding my time, trying to give you the space you wanted. But I never let you go, Kal.”
“Okay,” she whispered, after a brutally long moment of silence. She took in a deep breath, then let it out. “I haven’t been with anyone either.” Her words were small and quiet, but she might as well have written them across the sky, laid them out in the stars, for what they did to me. My heart thundered in my chest and any oxygen I’d taken in disappeared. “You have to know,” she continued, still quiet as summer rain, “I didn’t make you go because I didn’t love you. I pushed you away because it hurt too much to love anyone other than Marcus. I know it sounds silly, but loving you, being with you, only made me feel guilty about what happened to him.”
“It’s not silly. It’s grief. Whatever you felt, or feel, you’re entitled to that. I’d never tell you anything different.”
“Thank you, I appreciate that. But I still want to explain. I owe you that much.”
I didn’t think she owed me anything, but I could tell it was important to her to get the words out. She looked as though she was ready to burst, keeping them inside. Right before she opened her mouth though, the waitress brought our pizza to our table, completely unaware of the awkward pause she’d caused us to take in a monumental conversation that was months in the making. The waitress smiled at me as she placed two forks in the middle of the table. After she walked away, I folded my arms on the edge of the table in front of me and gave my attention to Kalli, letting her know I was listening, waiting to hear whatever she needed to tell me.
“When the accident with Marcus happened, the first thing I did was blame myself. All I could think was that, had I been home, it never would have happened. Enough time has passed that I’m able to let that go a little. Not fully, though, because Lord knows I’ll always wonder if I could have saved him if I’d been there. But,” she said, shaking her head a little, “I can accept that his death wasn’t my fault. Or yours,” she said, her eyes meeting mine. “The fact of the matter is, Marky would be really upset with me if he knew I was using his death as an excuse to be unhappy. So I’m trying to move past it. And mostly I think I’m doing a good job. I still have rough days, still miss him tremendously, but I’m coping.” She gave me a smile and, even though it was small, it could have lit up an entire soundstage, it was so brilliant. “I’m sorry I pushed you away, but unfortunately, it was just how I dealt with everything. I hope one day you can forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. But if you need the words, then hear them. I forgive you.”
Our eyes were trained on each other and I watched as my words washed over her. She smiled, but it was sad, then her eyes welled and I knew she was close to tears. Without thinking I stood and walked to her, grabbed her hand, and pulled her up to me. She came without any argument and buried her face in my chest. We stood in the middle of the pizza parlor, our meal cooling, people eating all around us, sharing the first embrace since before her brother died.