“Let’s just get through this day first, okay? I can only manage one crisis at a time.”
Boys, he thought as he turned onto Ocean Avenue, watching a few teenagers pushing and shoving each other playfully on the adjacent street corner. Michael remembered he used to be one of them, though he had been quiet and shy when he was fourteen, not outgoing like Elizabeth. Plus, when he was young, there was none of this texting immediacy in getting a girl to like you: you spent days, months even, trying to figure out how to bump into her in the hall, or to find the right friend of hers who would deliver a note for you. At that age, it was all about trying to be alone long enough to just kiss a girl. Well, one special girl.
He shook his head, thinking of her again. I wonder if Valentina is married, he thought, remembering his first true love back in elementary school. He drifted off briefly, only to be distracted by Elizabeth’s feverish texting. Her phone chirped and she giggled as she read the new message.
Michael nudged her shoulder with his hand. “Who’s that?”
There was no response. Unfazed, Elizabeth kept swaying to the beat of My Chemical Romance. It was so loud Michael could hear every lyric that leaked out through the tiny earphones. The scary thing was that he couldn’t be sure exactly what they all meant.
He could see in the far distance the boats docked side by side in the harbor. The wind had stopped its howling and a shaft of sunlight struck the cross atop the old church, casting a long shadow across Main Street. Children were pulling their parents into the local toy store, where another birthday party was about to begin. Old men and women were rummaging through the contents on an outdoor table, searching for the best bargains at Perry’s Five and Dime. Just another ordinary Saturday morning in Northport.
“Elizabeth? Elizabeth Ellen!” Michael gently lifted his daughter’s chin upward while she kept up with her digital connections.
“What, Dad?” Elizabeth asked, pulling out one of the earbuds.
“We’re here.” He scowled to himself in the rearview mirror, for this was the last place he wanted to be.
Michael parked the car near the corner of Main and Church Street. From there he could see scores of young kids and adults pulling food off trucks parked awkwardly on the sidewalk in front of Our Lady by the Bay Church. They were all there to help organize the food-drive donations.
The next thing he knew, the passenger-side door swung open and Elizabeth threw her phone back onto her seat before jumping to the curb. “Elizabeth!” Michael said as he climbed out quickly. “Wait . . .”
Elizabeth was already across the street heading toward her best friend, Laura. He sighed as he locked the car. “Always following, always following . . .”
“Hi, Laura!” Elizabeth squealed.
“Hey, Liz! Ah, hi, Mr. Stewart.”
“Hi, Laura. Hey, Liz, remember you’re here to help out and get your community-service credit for school.”
“Only my friends can call me that.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes.
Wow, Michael thought, that’s two eyerolls for today; the day’s getting off to a great start!
He watched her turn to Laura and whisper, “Fun killer.” Elizabeth had been using the phrase more often lately. Despite some residual hurt feelings, Michael had become resigned to it.
“Hey, Mike!” shouted a woman in a pretty blue dress from across the street, startling him. “I tried calling you last night. Were you out?”
He smiled as he walked over to give the woman a quick kiss on the cheek. “Susan, you know me better than that.”
Michael couldn’t help but notice how her light reddish brown hair touched her bare shoulders. “You look great today, Sue.”
She looked quizzically at him, casting a quick glance at the ring on his finger. “My, Mike, did you have a hard time getting out of the chair again?”
He nodded. “I’ve had a rough week, Sue. There are so many things changing in my life. I’m not adjusting at all.”
“Well, call me then. Or come by and we’ll talk.” She rubbed his right arm gently. “I know what you’ve been through.”
“Believe me, I know you know. I appreciate your kindness.” Michael meant it, too. Of all his neighbors, Susan Horn was the only one he considered a true friend. Ever since her husband walked out on her almost ten years ago, Michael and Susan had spent many hours talking about everything from child raising to life without a spouse.
Susan smiled. “I guess we’ve got some work to do today, right?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Isn’t that why we had kids?”
She laughed and tapped his forearm a couple of times. “Good one.”
Susan walked back to the front of the church. Kids and parents were already going back and forth up the steps that led to the three big open doors of the church. To the far right stood Father Dennis, watching his flock work like little bees, and chatting with volunteers.
Oh, no, Michael thought, I’m going to be spotted.
As if on command, Father Dennis immediately saw Michael in the crowd and waved to him. Michael cringed. He hadn’t been to mass in over a decade. It seemed as if every time Father Dennis saw Michael, he would ask, “Where have you been?”
As Father Dennis approached, Michael quickly grabbed a carton of food and ran up the stairs two at a time. “Hi, Father!” he said as he passed the priest.
Father Dennis smiled. “Good to see you working so hard for the church, Michael.”
“Glad to help out.”
Michael moved past the holy water sitting on the table near the entrance of the church, quickly dipping his fingers inside the bowl. He touched his forehead with it. Inside the building, it was cool and dark, with only four lights illuminating the lip of the altar. Michael could see the gleaming figures of Jesus in the center of the altar, Mary on the left, and Joseph on the right.
Michael knew his way around a church. As an altar boy, he’d helped serve mass four or five times a week. Sometimes Michael would do a mass, funeral, and wedding all in the same day. He liked weddings the best. Everyone was happy, and he would get a big tip from the best man. Michael knew the words from the mass by heart. When he graduated from Holy Child and his life as an altar boy ended, part of him was extinguished, too.
Today the church created in him mostly feelings of fear and pain. He and Vicki always used to go to church together. She felt that she had to pray for those who needed help because someday they might need some.
Ha, Michael thought, what help did I get?
To him, church was filled with a bunch of phonies who sat inside an air-conditioned building on a wooden pew without ever really hearing a word of the mass itself. Then the same parishioners went out on the street gossiping about each other and their neighbors. He didn’t need or want any part of it.
And yet, he couldn’t escape it: Father Dennis was walking right behind him.
“Michael, isn’t this a beautiful church?”
Michael looked around the church. He saw the five arched windows along each of the two long sides of the building, under one of which were engraved the words my friend, your sins are forgiven. The stations of the cross depicted in wooden carvings were affixed to the right of each window, while big white candles with green ribbing sat below. He took in the organ situated high above the pews, the altar made of white marble, and the podium from where the lector read.
It’s beautiful, sure, Michael thought, but where’s he going with this?
“Michael, your church awaits you,” Father Dennis said with a pat on the back.
“Thanks, Father.”
“Michael, we could really use your help.”
“In what way, Father?”
“What about joining the choir?”
“Are you kidding? With my voice?”
“Michael, God doesn’t care what you sound like. He only cares what’s in your heart.”
“No offense, Father. But I think I would turn even God off with my voice.”
Father Dennis laughed and patted him on the shoulder. “What about being a lector?”