Now she needed to get about the business of once again forgetting the past and moving on with the future, her maxim. Even if it would be twice as difficult this time around.
First things first. Once she was settled here, she’d pay a visit to Mrs. Griggs and attempt to explain the situation in person. Perhaps if Erienne was convincing, her employer might take pity on her for leaving Huntingdon and send her for an interview at another house.
She would get through this minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, but no matter what, she wouldn’t think of Collin Hunt. She would not.
And she refused to have any regrets.
Chapter Nineteen
Darkness had fallen when a knock on the door to her flat startled Erienne. She’d started off trying to unpack her trunk, but instead she’d been staring blindly into the rickety wardrobe, lost in thought. She shook herself, made her way over to the door, and called, “Who is it?”
London could be a dangerous place for a lone female, and although she was a confirmed spinster and traveled without a maid, she wasn’t about to open the door to just anyone, especially at night.
“It’s Lucy Hunt. May I come in?”
Erienne let out a startled gasp and then immediately clapped her hands over her mouth, praying the duchess hadn’t heard the noise.
Drat. She hated to allow a woman as grand as the Duchess of Claringdon to see the pathetic flat she’d taken. Of course, if Lucy had made it this far into the building, no doubt she already had a good guess as to how wretched the interior would be.
Erienne immediately unlocked the door and swung it open.
There stood the duchess, in her fine kid boots and traveling coat, wearing an expression that could only be described as both guilty and regretful. “May I come in?” she asked softly.
“Of course.”
Erienne moved aside and Lucy stepped past her into the space. She didn’t betray her thoughts as to the look of the place, but Erienne’s cheeks heated with shame nonetheless. “Your grace—”
“Now, none of that,” the duchess replied. “I asked you to call me Lucy, and I expect you always to call me Lucy.”
“Very well. Lucy.” Erienne motioned to the small table and chairs, the only place to sit. Without hesitation, Lucy strolled over and took a seat as though they were visiting in the finest salon. The duchess beckoned to Erienne to take the seat beside her.
Erienne did so while making a helpless gesture. “I’d offer to take your coat and hat and provide tea, but—”
“No need. I don’t intend to stay long.”
Erienne took a deep breath. “I’m sorry you felt you had to come all the way from the country to find me. I left a note.”
“I read it,” Lucy replied. “I tracked you down by asking the coachman at the posting house where you’d gone.”
Erienne nodded. “I’m sorry, Lucy. Truly I am. I just couldn’t—”
“Dear, it is I who owes you an apology. As my husband likes to point out, at times I can be a bit … overzealous in my quest to ensure true love has its chance.” She leaned forward to capture Erienne’s gaze. “I fear, in this case, I failed you.”
A small part of Erienne, the one that had foolishly hoped Lucy had come to say Collin was beside himself and wanted her back, died a quick death within her soul. “I knew it was a mistake to take the position, and I did so out of greed. It’s entirely my fault.”
“It wasn’t greed, though, was it, dear? I cannot believe you took the position only because of the pay.” She peered at Erienne with those knowing, different-colored eyes.
Erienne bit her lip. “I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’d wanted to learn more about Collin.”
“To see him?” Lucy prompted.
“Eventually. I never expected it to happen so quickly, however. It was too much. I’m afraid I was too weak.”
Lucy reached across the small table and squeezed her hand. “Nonsense, Erienne. From what I’ve seen, you’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known. You left your home and a life of comfort to take a position as a servant rather than compromise on true love. I don’t know many women who would have done that.”
Erienne stared unseeing at the dusty wooden floorboards. “I never saw it that way.”
“Of course you didn’t, dear. Strong people rarely recognize their own strength. But I see it. I see it and I admire you for it.”
Tears burned Erienne’s eyes. “I hope you’ll be able to forgive me. I’m certain you’ll find another governess quickly. One far more suitable than I ever was.”
Lucy pulled her reticule atop her lap, opened it, and withdrew a folded sheet of vellum. She handed it to Erienne. “This is a character reference, signed by both Derek and myself. I’d hate for my pestering you to take the position with us to cause you trouble with Mrs. Griggs. I intend to visit her myself tomorrow morning, speak highly of you, and ensure you’re given every opportunity to interview for the next suitable position that becomes available.”
Erienne pressed her lips together. “Thank you, your—er, Lucy. That is far more generous than I deserve.”
The duchess stood and stepped toward the door. “You deserve much more than you’ve got, Erienne. And if my brother-in-law wasn’t such a fool, you’d get it.”
Erienne tried to withhold the instant response that sprang to her lips, but they had a mind of their own. “How is ... he?” Why, why couldn’t she stop caring about him? Stop wondering about him?
Lucy turned to her, sympathy shining in her eyes. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, Erienne, either all those years ago or over the last few days, but I do know that one drunken night not too, too long ago, Collin told me about you, and I knew without a doubt he loved you desperately.”
Tears slid down Erienne’s cheeks. She dashed them away with the backs of her hands. Lucy had said loved. The word was in the past tense.
“I hope you know that’s the only reason I attempted to meddle in your affairs,” the duchess continued. “I truly did it for the very best of reasons.”
Erienne heaved a sigh. She pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes. “I know you did, Lucy. I know.”
Lucy turned back toward the door. “I should go. The coach is waiting, and I need to be awake early to visit Mrs. Griggs before I return to Huntingdon.”
“Thank you for coming all this way and giving me the reference,” Erienne said, rising to follow her to the threshold.
“You’re more than welcome, dear.” And with that, the duchess was gone.
Chapter Twenty
Collin was fishing in the creek the next morning when Derek caught up to him. He’d brought his pole and a bucket of bait. As youths, the brothers had spent countless hours silently fishing side-by-side. Derek’s appearance felt strangely like old times.
Derek baited his hook and slung his line into the water. “Catch anything?”
“Not yet,” Collin replied.
“Pity.”
It was an old jest between them. As children, whenever their mother had come looking for them, asking if they’d caught anything, and they said no, she’d respond with, “Pity.” As children, it had made them laugh. Neither of them laughed today.
Several silent minutes passed before Collin finally asked, “Lucy went to London yesterday?”
“Yes. She’ll be back this evening.”
“She went to see Erienne?”
Derek stared out across the lake. “She wanted to make certain Erienne has a decent reference. Lucy blames herself for all of this.”
Collin flashed him a rueful glance. “Funny. I could have sworn she blamed me.”
A half-smile appeared on Derek’s lips. “She blames you for being an obtuse male.”
“Guilty as charged, I suppose.”
Derek continued to stare out across the water. “I would never ask this, of course, because I am a man and we don’t ask such things of other men, but if Lucy were here, she would want to know why you let Erienne go.”
“I didn’t let her go. She left me … again.” Collin’s voice was cold as ice, even to his own ears.
“She didn’t leave you the first time, did she?” his brother asked. “You told her you wouldn’t marry her.”